


Courage

by OopsFanfiction



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Hux is an asshole, Lots of Fluff to balance out the angst, Platonic Finn/OC, Poe is an asshole at first, Stormpilot Character, Yay for friendship!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:53:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6497962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OopsFanfiction/pseuds/OopsFanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about a Stormpilot who follows her only friend into rebellion and the consequences that follow. After all, who would trust someone in a helmet and the mark of the First Order on their arm? Certainly not Poe Dameron. </p><p>(The Sorta Spin-Off of "Fear")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

TH-8332 smiled as FN-2187 walked into the mess hall. He lit up as he saw her and quickly grabbed his portion of food and sat across from her at their small table near the door.

“How was today?” She asked, knowing he had been recently reassigned from sanitation to infantry.

He shook his head, his smiling disappearing just slightly. “It was tough. Really intense. I don’t know how I’m going to do in my first battle.”

TH reached across the table and gently grabbed his hands. “You’ll be fine. I promise, Twoey.” The old nickname made him smile for a moment.

“How do you do it? How do you get into your TIE Fighter day after day knowing…” His voice trailed off, not finishing his thought. But he didn’t need to; she already knew what he was thinking.

TH frowned and retracted her hand. They ate in silence and stood together when they were finished.

“Come with me,” she whispered, pulling him along a deserted hallway and shoving her way into an empty room. “I need you to listen very closely, Twoey. This will save your life. Okay? Don’t do anything until you’re forced. Don’t let them make a killer out of you, okay?”

FN frowned as he watched his longtime friend’s eyes fill with tears. He hadn’t seen her cry since they were both going through the standard Trooper Training almost a decade ago, before she had been selected to be a pilot and he was assigned to sanitation detail.

“Don’t let them make you a killer,” she repeated as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

TH had been one of his few friends since he could remember. She had always been effortlessly kind to him and helping through his exams and training. She even lost herself a few points for staying toward the back of the training group to help him through the obstacles on one of the many training courses. If Stormtroopers were allowed to have families, he would have liked to have called TH a sister. She defended him against other troopers, using her status as a pilot to get the others to leave him alone. There was even an instance of her taking a beating for him when he had spectacularly embarrassed a lieutenant.

“What’s going on?” FN asked as he watched a tear slide down her cheek in the quiet room. “What’s happened?”

She shook her head, her shockingly red hair swishing against the black armor she wore. “They’re just killing everyone. There’s no reason,” her voice was barely a whisper. “I’ve lost track of how many people I’ve shot down or how many times I’ve seen a planet burn.” She curled her small hands around his arms and squeezed and FN was reminded to how strangely strong she was. “You must promise me, they won’t make a killer out of you.”

“I promise.”

**

TH was going on her eighth night of only getting a couple of hours of sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the horrors the First Order had inflicted on the galaxy, the horrors she had taken part in. The bags under her eyes were dark and purple and she was halfheartedly thankful for the dark helmet she was forced to wear—no one would question why she looked like death warmed over. Her gunner, EP-6740 didn’t talk much and never seemed to wonder why TH was quiet all the time.

As the alarm sounded, telling TH she had once again lost another night to terrible nightmares, she pulled herself out of her small bed just as her bunkmate did. They both dressed for the upcoming day without a word exchanged. That was the Stormtrooper way of life.

Get up. Report. Perform. Eat. Train. Sleep. Repeat.

Day in and day out, that was what was expected. Once every two weeks, the lower ranked troopers were given a day off which was usually filled with holo-games in the cramped break room or more training.

Today, TH-8332 reported to Captain Phasma with EP at her side.

“You two will report to the base on Hesperidium. They lost a dozen pilots in the latest skirmish with the Resistance. I’m sending two other pairs to them to relieve their shortage until more pilots can be trained. You have an hour to gather your things.” The silver Trooper handed them both the small datapad with their assignment and clearance badges before dismissing them. The piloting pair walked their separate ways and just as TH was about to reach her quarters, she was tugged into a small closet by FN. His face was covered with sweat and his dark eyes were filled with worry.

“FN, what’s wrong?”

“They’re sending me out tonight. I’m going down to Jakku with my battalion and Kylo Ren. I’m scared-”

TH wrapped her arms around him, their armor clinking together with the sudden impact. _“Be brave, FN. Have courage.”_

That had been a saying between them since their early adolescence. Both of them had whispered it to the other in times of trial or reprimand. It almost became second nature to whisper it to the other before missions or before meetings with commanding officers.

TH sighed as she held FN at arm’s length. “I’ve been temporarily transferred.”

“What?! No!” He exclaimed.

“To Hesperidium. It is only until they have more trained pilots. I’ll be back soon enough. I promise. I just…want you to remember what I said. Don’t let them make you a killer. Wait until you are forced.”

FN’s dark eyes pleaded with her own brown ones. “We need to leave. C’mon, you’re a pilot. We can just go, just leave. They won’t catch us.”

TH shook her head. “They’ll always catch us. You know that.”

FN now wrapped his arms around TH and held her tight. “When you get back, we’re leaving. I don’t care if I have to kidnap you. We’re leaving.”

Despite the situation, TH felt a smile push at her lips. FN was full of optimism. She hoped he never lost it.

They eventually bid each other good luck before parting. It was easy for TH to pack her meager belongings into a small bag and then report to her hangar. EP arrived shortly after her and they set off toward Hesperidium.

It was one of the moons of Coruscant and a former luxury resort that was supposedly favored by Emperor Palpatine before the Fall of the Empire. While the hotels and spas still remained, most of the moon was now occupied by the large, sharp-edged building which comprised the First Order base. It was in a strategic location, according to TH’s datapad, over Coruscant while not actually on the planet. It allowed easier access to the Core Worlds, and of course Coruscant. It had less subspace traffic allowing for quicker take offs and landings. It was also a secret, just like many of the First Order bases besides Starkiller. (And it was whispered that the commanding officers on the base thoroughly enjoyed the remnants of the spas.)

Unlike Coruscant, the city-planet, there was still a bit of lush greenery on the moon and it almost made TH smile as she watched it pass by her window. She had been so used to the icy tundra of Starkiller Base, the metal confines of the Finalizer, or only seeing the flora of other planets from her cockpit, that any sort of greenery was a happy sight.

EP gave her a questioning look as TH slowed her march just enough to let her gloved fingers slide against the petals of a flower before quickly speeding up again. While the air on the moon was cool and refreshing, they were still blasted with chilled air as they entered the base. The pair handed over their clearance badges and they were instructed to meet with the base commander in his office. After getting vague directions, they set off in the direction the officer pointed, silently hoping he was correct.

And it was quickly realized that the directions were less than subpar and TH and EP had to resort to asking a passerby to lead them to the commander’s office.

The commander was a broad-chested, blond-haired man with dull brown eyes. “You’re early,” he said in a flat voice. “Which one of you is TH-8332?”

“I am, sir,” she said.

“I’ve been told by General Hux himself that you are an exceptional pilot.”

TH stood still, unprepared for the strange compliment. There must a hidden agenda—there always was with the First Order. “Thank you, sir.”

“I expect nothing but the best from you while you are here. Am I clear?”

“Crystal, sir,” both TH and EP answered.

The door opened behind them just as the commander handed them two new datapads. A younger woman, probably a fresh officer recruit stepped in, ducking her head. “This is your first assignment. Get settled then report to hangar 2. Lieutenant Undel will show you to your quarters. Dismissed.”

The both turned and followed the young lieutenant around the base before stopping in front of a pair of nondescript doors.

“We’re not to be rooming together?” TH asked.

“No,” the lieutenant answered. “The commander believes pilots and gunners function better when given their own space. Please unpack quickly.” She then turned and walked away. EP and TH just looked at each other for a moment. While they weren’t the closest of friends or acquaintances, it was still strange to be away from her.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you at the hangar.”

“Yeah…I guess.”

They both stepped into their rooms.

TH was half-surprised to find the quarters not only spacious, but almost comfortable. There was a decent sized bed, a dresser, closet, and her own personal bathroom. And there was a holovid projector in the corner. She would have taken the time to see what kind of reception she got up here but quickly unpacked her belongings and walked back toward the hangar, thankful that there were signs posted at almost every corner, pointing them to hangars and conference rooms and the medical bay.

EP was already waiting when TH arrived and they briefly looked back over their datapads, trying to remember their mission.

Today, they were to escort an envoy of First Order to Malastare, a resource-rich planet in the Mid-Rim whose ties to the First Order were tenuous at best. The envoy was supposed to bolster the alliance—but TH knew it was probably a scare tactic.

Either way, she and EP climbed into their usual TIE Fighter and requested to take off from the command station. When granted, they hovered above the base until the large, gray shuttle finally took off. They were joined by two other TIE Fighters and soon they were off.

Pulling out of hyperdrive, EP quickly engaged the blasters, prepared to fire if there was any semblance of a threat. In their briefings, there had been mentions of Malastare’s natives, the Dug and Gran species, plotting to eradicate the First Order’s presence on their planet. So far, nothing had come to fruition but they had been warned that the Dug species were crafty and devious—well, at least according to the briefing.

But, thankfully, nothing happened and the small fleet landed without issue. Troopers exited the shuttle first, heavily armed, and were then followed by a small group of officers, and then more troopers. The pilots waited out on the tarmac.

As usual, EP only waited a moment before climbing out of the cockpit to stretch her legs. For a gunner, she didn’t particularly care for small spaces which TH found fairly odd. 

Time passed slowly and TH found herself watching the Dug guards walk back and forth on their patrol.

Interacting with other species had always been fascinating for TH and she wished she had more opportunity to do so but the chances she had were few and far between.

EP suddenly waved at TH, both arms arcing over her head to gain her attention. She tapped the side of her helmet where her comm link was and TH turned her’s on, she usually turned it off when they were stationary. The chatter from other pilots was grating at best and rage-inducing at worst.

“What is it?”

“Something’s wrong-”

The rest of what she was saying was cut off as a large explosion rocked the hangar and tarmac. EP’s body slammed against the front of the TIE fighter, nearly cracking the front shield.

Sirens rang out, blaring as debris crashed and burned in every direction. Bodies were littered about, unmoving and charred. The two other TIE Fighters were damaged but the shuttle seemed to be largely intact.

“Get the envoy out!” Someone screamed through the comm link.

The envoy and group of troopers, now smaller and bloodier than what they had been when entering, ran back out of the hangar. They disappeared briefly into the cloud of smoke before emerging again, sprinting toward the shuttle.

A group of heavily armed Dug and Gran’s followed, shooting at the fleeing group, picking off more and more with each passing second.

Thinking quickly, TH switched the TIE to one man controls and fired a series of shots at the top of the hangar, bringing the roof down with a resounding crash atop most of the pursuers. She didn’t stop to check to see if the envoy made it to the shuttle. She engaged the thruster and left, the hyperdrive pressing her into the leather of the seat as she sped back toward the base.

When she arrived, she was only partially aware of the fact that the shuttle beat her back. TH landed and climbed out of the cockpit. Her knees buckled for a moment before she slowly walked toward the large building.

A high-pitched ringing got progressively louder as she was standing in front of her new quarter’s door. She punched in the door code and the door slid open with a dull hiss. As she put her head on the pillow, the ringing became a screech and she shut her eyes.

This happened every time she was sent out.

It was as if the galaxy was screaming at her, enraged with the side she had been forced to choose. She had taken more lives today for a cause she didn’t believe in. Flashes of EP’s body slamming against the TIE Fighter pushed at TH’s subconscious. There’d been so much death today.

“TH-8332, report to Commander Gregor’s office immediately.”

TH rolled off her bed and found her way back to the Commander’s office without much fanfare. One foot in front of the other, on autopilot, she walked through the buzzing halls and knocked.

The door opened without hesitation and she stepped inside. Gregor was once again seated behind his desk, browsing through his datapad. His eyes shot up to her and a smile which could only be described as vile spread across his face.

“The hero of the moment arrives.” He stood and walked over toward her. A meaty hand clapped her shoulder and TH nearly stumbled under the impact. “You should be very proud of yourself, TH-8332. Every single person on that envoy and security detail owes their life to you. That was quick thinking on your part.” He paused and a childlike pout pushed his thin bottom lip out. “I’m sorry about your gunner.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said without feeling. It would be a miracle for her to feel anything before sunrise tomorrow. FN supposed it was a coping mechanism. Her body and mind went into autopilot when she was forced to do her job and to keep her sanity.

But she might have thought—just once or twice—that she was now insane. A person shouldn’t be able to shut off her ability to feel at will. Not like this. Not on a regular basis.

“I will let it slide that you didn’t immediately report to me just this once, because you managed to save the envoy. But don’t make a habit of it, am I understood?” His hand slipped from her shoulder and his face went back to the blank, curdled milk expression he seemed to carry all the time.

“Understood, sir.”

“Dismissed,” Gregor said as he turned his back and walked back to his desk.

TH left the office and walked back to her small room, ignoring the instinct to look at EP’s door. As the door closed behind her, she felt the familiar sting of bile rising in her throat and she ran to the bathroom to vomit. It was all stomach acid so it burned all the way up. Her eyes watered and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

Her personal comlink, which she had left in her bag while on the mission, suddenly beeped with an incoming call. TH sluggishly pulled herself to her feet and dug for it as it beeped again.

“Hello?” She asked, attaching it to her ear.

“T, it’s me.” A stressed, panting voice rang out on the other end of the line.

“Twoey?” She instantly recognized his voice. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I couldn’t do it. I could pull the trigger even once. I’m being sent to reconditioning. I don’t know what to do-”

At the sound of her only friend’s absolute despair, it felt as if TH had been dunked in a tank of ice water. “Twoey, listen to me. I’ve been sent to reconditioning before. Keep your head down, give them the answers you know they want. Fall in line.” She sucked in a breath. “Turn it off. Just for a few days. The fast they think you’ve submitted, the quicker you’ll fall back off the radar.”

A sob sounded on the other line. “I can’t… I can’t turn it off like that. I can’t turn my humanity on and off like a switch like you can, TH.”

A bitter smile crossed her lips. “It gets easier but I hope you never have to get to this point, Twoey. Just breathe for a moment. I know you can pull through. Push it down.”

A stuttered breath was her only answer for a moment. “I can do this.”

“You can do this,” she repeated.

“I wish you were here,” FN whispered.

“I wish I was too.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

“How’d you get through reconditioning?” He asked.

“Just like I told you; I kept my head down and mouth shut except to regurgitate the answers they wanted.”

“Right. Okay.” He took in another deep but stuttered breath. “I can do this.”

“You can do this,” she affirmed.

“But, T, you have to promise me…” he drifted off for a moment before whispering, “we’re going to leave.”

TH didn’t want to ruin his dream or to kick him when he was down. But there was no way they would even be able to escape the First Order. Not ever. “Of course. I promise. Have courage, okay, Twoey?”

“I’ll call you when I get out.”

“Of course.”

They said their goodbyes before hanging up and the apathy crept back in.

**

It had been a week since the skirmish on Malastare and FN’s call. She hadn’t heard from him but it wasn’t unheard of for some Troopers to be stuck in reconditioning for a month. Because of the loss of EP, TH was largely put on desk duty. She charted maps to planets and systems for other pilots and gave advice to the newer pilots who were filtering in in pairs when she wasn’t giving half-assed flight lessons. Teaching someone how to dodge a barrage of blaster shots wasn’t as fun as it sounds.

It was dull and meaningless.

The apathy hadn’t left. Every breath, every step, every handshake left her hollow. It did nothing to enliven her at all.

She had even heard Lieutenant Undel whispering to another faceless officer that she had “nothing behind her eyes.” TH almost smiled at that.

Did the officers, those who willingly took up the mantel of the First Order, honestly think that the Stormtroopers were largely happy with their yoke? Had they disassociated it that much? Didn’t they learn about how they were pulled from families and forced to train? Given a number instead of a name? They were subhuman in the eyes of the governing body of the First Order. Some troopers realized this and some didn’t. But very few acted on it.

FN was going to act on it, TH could tell. There had been a desperation in his eyes the last time she saw him and it had only increased when she spoke to him.  
Th supposed she could have talked to him, tried to reason with him and let him know that there was no escaping the First Order.

But why crush his hope?

No. She had resolved a long time ago to not be cruel to him. She would let him keep his dream alive.

“TH-8332 report to Commander Gregor’s office immediately!” The voice boomed over the intercom, startling TH from her reverie.

She pushed herself up from her desk and took the now-familiar route to the Commander’s office.

“You called for me, sir?” she asked, stepping into his office.

His dull blue eyes once again snapped to her. His already thin lips were pulled into an even thinner line. “You are to report back to Starkiller Base immediately.”

“Sir-”

“This order came from General Hux himself. Don’t make me repeat myself. You have ten minutes to gather your things.”

Starkiller Base wasn’t a welcome sight when TH dropped out of hyperdrive. Her heart was in her throat and her stomach was at her feet as she was cleared for landing. Gently, she set the expensive starship down on the tarmac and she was immediately greeted by two Stormtroopers.

“Follow us,” one said.

TH followed them through the familiar, nondescript hallways to the large, shining door she knew led to General Hux’s personal office, just off the command bridge. The door slid open after the trooper punched in a code and she unceremoniously pushed inside right before the door slid closed again.

“Early, as always. Aren’t you, TH-8332?” Hux asked without looking up from his datapad.

TH didn’t answer, knowing Hux hated being interrupted but hated having his rhetorical questions answered more.

Hux tossed down his datapad then stared at her, his light eyes boring into her. “You are companions with FN-2187, are you not?”

“Yes sir.”

Hux stood and walked around his large, metal desk and was soon staring down at her. TH suppressed the urged to gulp and looked up at him, trying to steel herself for whatever was going to happen. “And what was the nature of your relationship?”

“Strictly platonic.”

“Oh? So there was no fraternization?” Hux quirked an eyebrow.

She answered on autopilot. “Of course not, sir. We know the rules and regulations of the First Order are not-”

“And what about the rules of leaving your post and helping an enemy escape?”

TH felt the confusion wash over her as she frowned. “Sir?”

In less than a blink of an eye, Hux had wrapped his large hands around her arms and slammed her into the wall behind her. She grunted when her helmet smacked against the metal but soon that was smacked right off her face. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust but Hux’s pale face was red with fury and his fingers were starting to dig through the fabric of her sleeves.

“Tell me where he is!” He yelled.

“Sir, I-I don’t kn-know what you’re-” She was cut off as Hux threw her to the ground and landed a swift kick to her ribs. Her next breath came out in a wheeze as she felt the hardware of her pilot’s garb crack under his boot.

“You’re lying!”

Another kick.

“I’m not! I’m not lying!” A metallic bite of blood started to bubble in her throat and mouth as a swift series of kicks were aimed at her stomach and chest. Dark dots started to line her vision as more and more questions were yelled in her direction and more denials fell from her lips.

Then, she barely heard the door slide back open and she was unceremoniously hauled to her feet. She was being dragged down a hall by a pair of Stormtroopers. She was soon strapped to an interrogation table and it was cranked up so she could properly see Hux waiting in the doorway. The color had left his face but his eyes were no less angry.

“We will get our answers out of you,” Hux said before he returned to his office.

Blood was still seeping onto her tongue and her head would have lulled to the side if it wasn’t bracketed by two heavy metal braces.

Everything hurt. It came in waves in time with her heart, making her nauseous. Her vision went blurry for a moment, sliding to darkness.

**

She was woken up by a batch of ill-scented smelling salts and she nearly retched as her eyes opened wide. The Stormtrooper in front of her stepped back to reveal Commander Kylo Ren.

A chill shot down her spine.

“I’ve been told you may know some information valuable to the First Order.”

“I know…” TH heaved a breath, her ribs aching from Hux’s past assault, “nothing.” She knew she should be scared. Kylo Ren was known for his mystical powers and his violent rages. But TH couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. She just wanted the pain to stop.

“We will see.” He reached out his hand and TH could only scream as she felt him invade her mind.

Flashes of memories ran as if being played on a projector—being trained as a pilot, meeting Twoey when they were barely five years old, watching people run for cover from her overhead fire, watching her gunner get killed in front of her, more conversations with Twoey. _“Have courage, Twoey. Have courage.”_

And then, suddenly, the probe stopped. The invisible needle and hammer retracted. TH felt herself slump against her restraints. Her blurred vision sought out Kylo Ren who was gazing down at her through the eye slots in his dark helmet.

“You tried to keep him here—to protect him. You knew he would die.”

TH could only groan in response.

“Fear keeps you here.”

TH felt her eyes slipping shut despite the pain still radiating throughout her body.

“So much fear…”

And darkness thankfully washed over her.

**

When TH woke, she was in one of the small cots in the medical bay. Like the rest of the base, it was gray and metallic. She glanced down to see she had been changed out of her busted pilot’s uniform and into one of the standard medical coverings, a one-size-fits-all gray sack which reached her knees.

A pressure around her ribs let her know that they had been wrapped—they were probably broken. And, despite all the advanced technology around her, there really wasn’t much anyone could do for broken ribs. Except wait.

A droid wheeled its way to her bedside. “Drink.” It forced small glass at TH, filled with a bluish liquid. And it seemed to be smoking.

TH grimaced but did as she was told, wincing at the suddenly movement of her arm. The pain, however, dissipated fairly quickly and TH sighed.

“Report to General Hux’s office at once,” the droid said before wheeling itself away.

TH felt a glimmer of panic course through her.

Slowly, TH pushed herself to her feet and pulled on a pair of loose-fitting trousers under the gown that the droid had left behind. Despite the pain killers now coursing through her system, sudden movement still sent a jolt of pain right through her torso. Squaring her shoulders, she left the medical bay and shivered as her feet touched the chilled, metal flooring of the hallway. As quickly as her injuries would allow, she made her way to Hux’s office and knocked. The door slid open and TH was greeted with the familiar sight of Hux at his desk, looking over a datapad. She walked in, just far enough for the door to slide close behind her, and waited.

Hux looked up at her.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes. Commander Ren said you had no knowledge of FN-2187’s deception. He has also recommended that you be given time off…” Hux sneered as he stood from his desk, “to give you time to recuperate. You wouldn’t be fucking him, too, would you?”

“No, sir. I’m not fucking anyone.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She wasn’t supposed to be sarcastic or rude in anyway shape or form, especially toward commanding officers. That rule had been beaten into her since she could form words. It must be some sort effect from the pain killers.

Hux calmly walked up to her and TH felt her heart once again leap to her throat. Honestly, it would have been better if he had stormed over. This cold calculation (which he was known for, granted) was absolutely terrifying.

She bit her lip to keep from crying out as one of his long fingers jabbed at her ribs. A wave of pain washed over her as bile crept up her throat.

“Let me make one thing very clear, TH-8332.” He poked her again and this time she couldn’t suppress a whimper. “The only reason I didn’t have you taken out to the cold and shot immediately is because some of my officers—and Commander Ren—for whatever reason, see you as a valuable asset. You are nothing more than a cog in a machine. You are replaceable. Never forget that.” For emphasis, he dug his finger between her ribs until TH crumpled at his feet like a dirty washrag.

She stared up at him, vision slightly obscured by tears, and watched him smirk.

“You’re dismissed.” Hux then turned and walked back to his desk as the door slid open.

TH hauled herself up to her feet with a whimper and left as quickly as her injuries would allow. The medical bay was once again her destination. Hux’s prodding fingers had dislodged something, she could feel it with every labored breath.

TH gritted her teeth as she leaned against one of the walls for support, ignoring the sidelong glances cast in her direction from passing Troopers and officers.

“Fuck them…fuck this…” she muttered to herself as she punched in the code to open the door.

**

On the second day of her “appointed leave,” TH felt well enough to drag herself to one of the smaller mess halls on base to eat instead of eating the rations a droid would drop into her room at uneven intervals.

Because of the strange hour, not quite lunch and not quite dinner, she was mostly alone in the mess hall. It was better this way. She had heard whispers about why she was missing work. Most of the rumors were swirling about how she had been injured in the skirmish on Malastare but others were saying that she had been sleeping with Commander Ren and faking her injuries.

It didn’t matter. And she didn’t let the lingering confusion about Ren’s odd behavior linger. She pushed it aside.

There was going to be a speech today, out on the main tarmac. TH had been delivered a note earlier, excusing her from attending. It was signed with Captain Phasma’s seal so she, again, didn’t question it. The pile of mush that was her food left a bland taste in her mouth as she stared out the single, large window in the mess hall.

TH nearly vomited the mush back up when she saw the sky and space light up in a red hue. The entire base shook for a moment and her metal spoon clattered to the floor.

There had been rumors about the weapon’s ability. And the First Order had attempted to have a test run a few months ago only to have it fail. But this…this must have been a full scale attempt.

“I guess we’re hitting the New Republic today,” one trooper joked to another.

“’Bout time!” He responded.

TH hauled herself up and quickly deposited her tray in the trash and walked back to her room, only to see it filled with red light. The remnants of the destruction had touched the one place she had to herself.

The contents of her stomach spilled across her floor as she thought about the millions of lives that had just been, literally, vaporized. The pain from her ribs seemed to grow and grow and grow until she felt her knees buckle. As she crashed onto the hard floor, narrowly missing her sick, she swore she would leave.

She would leave like Twoey.

**

TH knew another attack was coming. After being released from medical leave, she took up her spot as a TIE fighter pilot again, still without a gunner. She flew out on solo missions which she sabotaged in one way or another, whether it was letting her shots just graze a target or letting herself be shot down (if she knew she could survive the impact) or letting her envoy to be shot at for an extended period of time before “rescuing” them. It was a game she liked to play. Albeit, a dangerous game—but a game she played nonetheless.

And she had heard whispers, whispers of another attack with the giant, sun-powered cannon. This time the Resistance would be the target.

All she needed to do was wait. She had no idea where the Resistance base was. And if she were to ask, she would only heap suspicion onto herself—and she knew she’d wind back up in Hux’s office. Her ribs still ached and she had to steady her breathing if she turned too quickly while walking down that hall. The beating had affected her permanently. She knew that.

So, she bought her time and kept her head down. And TH listened. Someone would reveal the location. She just needed to wait.

But her answer came at a surprising time—when Starkiller Base had started to implode. Members of the Resistance had somehow snuck onto the base and had managed to blow the oscillator.

TH ran for her TIE fighter as she spotted the X-Wings still firing away at the large structure.

“TH-8332, kill them!” An officer yelled. “Kill them all!”

TH just continued to run as she clipped her helmet into place and slumped into her seat as her engines roared to life. The tarmac beneath her was shaking; ready to crack as the planet continued to crumble.

TH set her sights on the fleeing X-Wings and punched it, focusing on the Resistance pilots. Her starship easily targeted them, and—thank the stars—was able to pinpoint when they hit lightspeed.

TH entered the coordinates for D’Qar and, as the tarmac gave another awful rumble, she took off as the planet imploded.

TH gasped as she looked down at the lush, green planet. It was swarming with activity, both chaotic and jubilant.

But TH wasn’t able to view too much before her ship was hit by a barrage of blaster fire and she crash landed. Her head smacked against the gauges in front of her and her helmet didn’t cushion the blow. It cracked under the impact and all she saw was red slipping in front of her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry this took so long to post. Stuff kind of hit the fan in my personal life and I couldn't find the energy to write. I hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry that this took so long. I had a chapter, was about to post it and then I decided I hated it and re-wrote it. I'm still not entirely sure that I like how this turned out but I hope you like it. I'll try to post again soon!

When TH woke, she found herself hooked up to medical equipment and strapped to a table. Her pilot’s gear had been switched out with a basic white tunic and matching trousers. She was surprised that she didn’t hurt more—sure, there was a dull ache throughout her body, but nothing compared to the excruciating pain she had felt before. The room was stark and a little antiquated.

“Hello?” she called out, her voice raspy.

The door to her left slid open and a droid rolled in. Without a word, it prodded at the machines TH was hooked up to, checking her readings, before wheeling itself away.

TH didn’t tug at her restraints. It would just make her look guilty. So, she waited as patiently as she could.

Then the door opened and a young woman walked in; brown hair was pulled into three buns and she looked somber. “How do you know Finn?” She asked.

TH frowned. “Who’s Finn?”

She pulled a small projector from a pocket in her grey trousers and clicked it on and soon a tiny picture of TH and Twoey was filling the air. TH smiled. “He made it? He made it here? Is he okay? Where is he?” And now she was tugging at her restraints, not caring about the pain reverberating through her extremities.

“How did you know him?” The woman asked again, clicking off the projector. Her voice was steely now, cold.

The use of the past tense sent a chill down TH’s spine. What had happened to him? “I…we were in the trooper program together. The only friend I had, really. He was supposed to wait for me—we were supposed to leave together.” Perhaps it was the pain suppressants or just the stress of the situation but TH finally felt tears prick at her eyes, the first time in a long time. “Please, is he okay? Is Twoey okay?”

“His name is Finn.”

“I only knew him as Twoey—or FN-2187. Please, just tell me: is he alive? Did he make it?” TH shut her eyes and shook her head. “He was supposed to wait. We were supposed to leave together…” A dry sob choked her for a second.

It was quiet and then TH felt the strange but familiar sensation of a probe into her mind. But it held no coldness like Ren’s did. Now, this one was almost soothing and as the memories of her time with Twoey raced around her mind, TH didn’t fight back. She saw when they met, when TH stood up for Twoey when he was harassed by other troopers for his lowly sanitation ranking, she saw TH try to calm Twoey’s nerves and his promise to not be a killer. A few other memories seeped their way forward, namely her altercation with Hux and Kylo Ren.

But the invasion ended as soon as it started and TH looked at the woman, feeling the tears still sliding down her cheeks.

“Finn is healing. He challenged Kylo Ren to a duel and lost.” The woman rolled her shoulders. “We found the projector in his pocket. It’s the only reason you’re not dead right now.”

TH nodded. “I understand.”

“I sense no deception or cruelty in you.”

A bitter smile touched TH’s lips and she wished her hands were free so she could wipe the embarrassing tears off her cheeks. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

The woman turned. “It is.” And, without another word, the woman turned and left. And TH was alone again.

The medical droid was her only companion for a few more hours. It was when the sun was finally setting that she finally saw another person.

An intimidating woman with graying hair stepped in, her features pulled into a frown.

“What is your purpose here?”

TH frowned. “I just…wanted to leave.”

“And you thought your best shot at survival was coming here? To the Resistance?”

TH paused. “Is there something wrong with wanting to see The First Order burned to the ground?”

“Why do you want to see that?”

“Because they took everything from me. And they won’t stop until the galaxy is theirs.”

The woman looked over TH with cold, calculating eyes. “You were a pilot?”

“Yes.”

“You had access to upper level intel?”

“Yes.”

“Are you willing to share?”

“Yes.”

The woman arched an eyebrow. “You’re not even going to bargain for your freedom?”

TH shrugged and instantly regretted it as pain shot through her. It took a moment for her to collect herself before shaking her head. “I told you, I want to see them burn. If I have to burn alongside them, fine. But just make sure they never have a chance to come back.”

The woman’s face suddenly split into a smile. “I’m going to like you. I can tell.” She stepped out of the room for a moment before returning with a heavily armed man who quickly undid the restraints across TH’s body. “Come with me.”

TH scrambled off the bed, ignoring the pangs of pain that were coursing through her, and struggled to catch up with the woman. “That’s it? You’re letting me free?”

“We will see,” the woman said as she led TH (and the beefy guard) out of the medical ward and out into the night air. TH stumbled in her bare feet as she glanced around at the lively base. Pilots were fixing up their X-Wings alongside mechanics, fighters were running drills or cleaning their blasters, and others were mulling about, exchanging words over datapads.

And no one spared her a second glance.

What she found most interesting was the fact that a few people acknowledged the woman, murmuring soft hellos and giving off salutes.

“Good evening, General,” someone called and the woman stopped and turned.

TH blanched. She was a general? Then it dawned on her. This must have been General Leia Organa, war hero and absolute legend. (Or absolute warmonger if you were loyal to the First Order. It depended on who you talked to.)

A man with dark, curly hair and matching dark eyes walked up to the general, still dressed in his flight suit. “I…” his words flittered out as he looked at TH. “Is this her?” He took a step toward her and TH instinctively took a step back when she saw the absolute animosity in his eyes. TH supposed she would have found him attractive—was that the right word?—if it didn’t seem like he wanted to murder her.

“Dameron. Calm down. She is here to help.”

“How can you tell?” His eyes narrowed and TH looked down at her feet. His stare was intense and angry. Rightfully so, TH thought. There was no telling how many of his comrades she had shot down or seen shot down.

“I had Rey…interview her. She passed. Leave her be, Dameron.”

“We can’t trust her!” He argued.

“Stand down, Dameron,” Organa ordered.

Dameron glared at TH again before nodding at Organa, effectively excusing himself.

Organa looked at TH with a slightly impish grin. “He’ll learn. Come on, we have your secrets to discuss.”

TH spent hours telling Organa and her board of advising officers what she knew about the First Order. Base locations, frequent movements of high-ranking officers, planets that were secretly supplying the First Order, everything she could think of. By the end of it, she could see the sun peeking into underground command center and her limbs were heavy with fatigue and pain.

“You’ve done well,” Organa said. “If this information you’ve given us checks out, we’ll let you know.”

TH nodded. “I understand.”

Organa called over another officer. “Could you escort Miss…”

“TH-8332.”

Organa frowned. “Miss TH-8332 to the solitary cells. Please make sure she is treated fairly. She requires medical attention.”

The officer looked at TH then back at Organa and nodded. “Yes, General.”

The officer softly gripped TH’s upper arm and escorted her back up the stairs and into the morning light. TH squinted against the sun and noticed that a large group had started accumulating on the tarmac.

“What’s going on?”

The officer smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “The future.”

She was deposited into a small, concrete cell with its own refresher station and a med that was miniscule but still much comfier than her bed back on base. It was far off the main tarmac in a nondescript concrete building that looked like it had once held grain stores.

“I’ll be back with the medical droid in a moment. Do you need anything?” He asked as the door sealed behind him.

“No…thank you.” TH frowned, unused to the kindness of strangers—or those in positions of power.

The officer smiled and then disappeared.

TH poked at the pillow on the bed and found that it was a bit fluffy and she laid down, trying to find comfort in the strange luxury. She eventually gave up and pulled the thin blanket onto the floor with the pillow and curled into a ball on the small rug.

The medical droid rolled in just as her eyes were starting to close and quietly cleaned the few sutures she had before giving TH a shot of something clear with the consistency of glue straight into the crux of her elbow. The droid left without a word and she was left alone again. Thoughts of Dameron swirled in her head for a moment. She hadn’t actually felt that way before. There was just something about his face…that made her stomach feel like it was being tied into knots. The First Order had forbidden almost all sorts of attachments and, if commanding officers even suspected that two troopers were involved, there would be hell to pay. They had been taught from an early age that love was a dalliance that only took away from the mission. They weren’t exposed to what love was supposed to look like or feel like—or even what attraction felt like. So, what she felt for Dameron could just be some sort of strange hatred. Twoey had always been better with emotions, maybe she would ask him. 

And soon the medicine—or whatever it was—worked and she was out like a light.

**

“Hey…hey…” Someone poked her forehead lightly. “T, wake up.” They poked again.

Slowly, TH opened her eyes to see FN smiling down at her. A smile spread across her face so fast it almost hurt. She threw her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close—only to hear him let out a groan in response. “What—are you okay?” And then she remembered, that girl—what was her name?—had told her Twoey had been injured in a fight with Kylo Ren. She quickly pulled back, retracting her hold on him. “Shit, sorry, Twoey. I didn’t mean-”

He just laughed and leaned back on his haunches as she sat up. “Don’t worry about it. I’m…I’m just so happy you’re here.”

She nodded, fighting another smile. “Me too. Even if they’re keeping me under lock and key.”

“The only reason they trusted me is because I showed up with Han Solo. Just give it time, T. Have you told them anything?”

She shrugged. “Everything I could think of.”

He tilted his head to the side. “What happened? Why the sudden change of heart?”

“You did watch the base get blown to bits, didn’t you? I heard you had a part in that, by the way.” She managed to laugh. “But, um, I…it doesn’t really matter the specifics, right? I’m here. I want to help the rebellion. It’s just like we talked about.”

He smiled again and grabbed her hand and squeezed. “You’ll love it here. It really…it’s almost like having a family. Wait until you meet Poe, you’ll love him. I-”

“Finn, what’re you…” that pilot from earlier, with the dark hair suddenly appeared in the doorway to her cell. His jovial expression slid off his face when he spotted TH. And T hated to admit it but he was even better looking in the harsh light of the cell. Who gave him the right? “What are you doing in here? She’s dangerous, Finn.”

“Who’s Finn?” “What are you talking about?” FN and TH asked at the same time.

Dameron scowled. “Finn is his name,” he spit out. “She’s a stormpilot, Finn. You can’t trust her.”

“I was a Stormtrooper too, Poe. Don’t you remember?” FN said as he stood, still holding her hand.

“Yeah, but you saved me-”

“General Organa told me herself that TH gave the Rebellion valuable intel. She’ll save so many more people than I did.” FN straightened his shoulders. “She’s my oldest friend, Poe.” He squeezed TH’s hand, as if for reassurance.

“Her intel hasn’t checked out yet.”

“It will.” Finn looked down at her. “I know it.”

Silence reigned in the cell for a moment and then Poe looked down at TH with a grimace before rolling his shoulders, as if trying to retain some semblance of control. “The general needs you in the command center. Don’t be late.” He then stormed off and TH let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“What was his problem?” She shook her head. “But your name is Finn? How’d you find out your real name, did the Rebellion find old records or-”

FN…or Finn answered with a shake of his head. “Poe gave the name to me when I helped him get off the Finalizer. I guess he didn’t like calling me a number.” He was quiet for a moment. “Would you like a name?”

“Can I still call you Twoey?”

Finn chuckled. “Of course you can.”

“Then I’d like a name too.”

Finn tilted his head to the side for a moment and then smiled. “Theia?”

“Thee-ah?” She repeated.

“Yeah. I like it.”

She chuckled. “It’s pretty. I like it too.”

“Good.” He looked back at the open door, the space Dameron once filled. “But I do have to get to the command center. But I’ll be back, okay? I promise.”

TH nodded and watched him go before curling back into her blanket. “Theia…Theia…Theia…” she repeated it to herself until it sounded normal.

No more numbers. No more being reduced to something subhuman. She had a name. She had a name.

She was a person.

**

It had been a handful of days since her meeting with General Organa. Finn came to visit her every day with encouragement and soft smiles. He kept her up to date on the happenings around the base and told her that they’d be moving planets soon. The First Order, despite having destroyed Starkiller Base, still knew the coordinates of D’Qar and was probably trying to mobilize a counterattack. The woman with the mystical powers, who Finn told her was called Rey with a fond look on his face, was a Jedi and had been sent off to train with the (in)famous Luke Skywalker.

But today, Finn didn’t appear and something strange had lodged itself deep within Theia’s stomach. Something was wrong. And it was-

A loud booming sound pulled Theia out of her reverie and she insantly pushed herself against the door of her cell. She knew that sound. The First Order was trying to retaliate. 

“Let me out!” She yelled. “I can help!” But no one opened her cell. “Please!”

Another explosion rocked the base and Theia watched the wall on her left crumble. She didn’t need a moment to think, she ran through the wall, avoiding the falling debris and out onto base. It was complete chaos. The blue sky was filled with gray smoke. People were running, taking cover or trying to fire at the incoming TIE fighters and the Stormtroopers swarming the tarmac.

Theia ducked and narrowly missed being shot in the head. She shot to her feet and sprinted toward the tarmac, to the middle of the fray, dodging more and more fire from both sides. The air was heavy with the scent of fire and the metallic bite of blood and charred flesh.

“Give me a blaster!” she shouted over the noise as she met a member of the Resistance. The man handed over his extra before turning and mowing down another person in a helmet.

“You know how to use one of those?”

Theia scowled and turned and shot three down with ease.

The man shrugged and pushed forward. “Just don’t shoot me!”

Theia held her blaster up high and found a bit of cover from a crumbled wall which used to hold up the command center. She returned fire again and again but saw Finn charging forward with a few other Resistance fighters, blasters blazing.

“What an idiot.” Theia pulled in a steadying breath, peeked around the wall for a moment, made sure the coast was clear, before sprinting toward Finn. If she was going to make it through this, and if he was going to live, he was going to get an earful about learning to wait for someone to cover their backs. How he managed to get transferred to (and survive) the Trooper infantry was a mystery.

A blaster shot skimmed her thigh and she let out a grunt before returning fire, hitting the offending trooper straight in the neck. She ducked between a tree and a rock for a moment, waiting for a few troopers she saw heading her way to pass before shooting each of them in the back. At the moment, it didn’t matter that she probably stood next to them at training or sat beside each other in the mess hall. All she wanted was to see Twoey safe. Theia took off again, watching as Finn and his group pushed farther into the fray.

For a moment, she thought about calling out to him. She quickly realized that would just distract him. She continued to jump from one covering to the next as she picked off troopers who were trying to corner Finn and his small group of fighters. The wound on her leg was screaming for attention and she could smell the scent of the burned flesh and fabric seemed to grow stronger with each step she took. But she just had to get to Twoey.

Theia made a dash for a large tree at the edge of the forest, still smoking from a recent misfire, but was cut off and tackled to the dirt. Quickly, she jammed the butt of her blaster into the tackler’s chest and rolled as he fell back and pinned him to the dirt. She shoved the barrel of the blaster into his face and then frowned. “You?”

Poe glared up at her. “You were running after Finn! I knew we couldn’t trust you.”

Theia pressed the barrel into his cheek and narrowed his eyes. “I was covering him, you absolute nerf herder. Go get in your damn ship and cover him from the skies—be useful.”

“My x-wing was shot down-”

“Then find another!” She yelled before standing up. A TIE Fighter suddenly crashed near them, setting the trees around them ablaze. Theia sprinted out of the forest and back toward Finn. She managed to catch up to him just as the confronted another small group of troopers. She dodged a shot aimed at her head and aimed her blaster over Finn’s shoulder and fired. 

Finn turned to her and smiled. “You’re out!”

“For the moment.” They all fired and managed to take out the group of troopers with little fanfare. “We need to get the TIE Fighters out of the sky. Go tell all the pilots you can to focus all their firepower on them.”

Finn nodded and pulled his fellow fighters back toward what was left of the command center as Theia spied the two shuttles the ground troops must have arrived in. There were only a few troopers inside and those outside were focused on a group of Resistance fighters coming from behind the shuttles. 

“What’re you doing?” Dameron yelled. When had he caught up to her?

Theia bit back a snarl as she dove into the nearest shuttle and rammed the butt of her rifle into the first Trooper’s face before turning and shooting the next one. She started to plug in a message as the pilot’s screen sparked with life.

“Where are we moving the base?”

“I’m not telling you!”

“Tell me! I need to send them somewhere else.”

“We’re going to Tanaab,” he bit out after a stretch of silence only broken up by random bursts of blasters firing behind them.

“Fantastic. I’ll say we’re going to Kessel. They’ll have to deal with Hutts if they follow that lead and still turn up emptyhanded.” Her fingers raced across the keys and hit send. She turned to Poe who still had his blaster at the ready. “You can read the transmission if you want. I’m not going to jeopardize the Resistance. You need to trust me, Dameron.” She shouldered past him. Perhaps it was the high and rush she was finally feeling from the battle but she knew she was antagonizing him and giving the pilot ample opportunity for him to shoot her in the back.

But, for the moment, she didn't care. She finally felt what it was like to fight for a cause she believed in. Finn was safe for the time being and Theia knew that Dameron would watch his back if anything happened to her.

She peeked around the opening of the shuttle as she tightened her grip on her blaster. The battle was still raging but decidedly siding with the Resistance now. An idea popped into her head and she turned back and saw Dameron about to leave the ship. She moved past him and back toward the cockpit.

“What are you doing now?” He asked as she easily fired up the engines.

“If you want to find out, close the hatch.” To be honest, she was thinking Dameron would just leave the shuttle and let her do whatever she was about to do. But then she heard the hatch close just as another TIE Fighter crashed to the ground in front of the shuttle. With a shrug, Theia flipped the switches to fire up the shuttle’s large blasters and pulled the starship off the ground and turned it so it faced the battle. She tapped in the code to activate the target tracking and had it settle over the distracted troopers.

“Are you joking?”

“Why would I joke about this?” And then she fired, mowing down the troopers in a barrage of red light. Dirt flew into the sky under the impact and screams were swiftly cut off. Trees creaked and groaned with new battle wounds as the dirt and dust settled. Theia peered out of the front window and saw that the troopers were left unmoving on the ground and the Resistance seemed to be celebrating

“You…” He trailed off as Theia once again landed the shuttle and lowered the hatch. “That was underhanded.”

Theia turned toward him as she stood, grabbing her blaster again. “Let me make one thing perfectly clear for you. There are no rules in war. You win or you die. If you won’t make the call, I will.”

“You were supposed to be in a jail cell-”

“I’m completely aware,” she said, walking out of the shuttle. “But I might have just finished this without costing the Resistance more lives. So, you can take your high morals and judgment and shove them right up your-”

“Dameron!” Both Theia and Poe turned at the sound of General Organa’s outburst. “Was that you?” The general looked at them, holstering her own blaster.

“I don’t know, General. She’s out of control. She broke out of her cell-”

“The wall fell after being hit. I didn’t break out.”

“-and then took over the First Order shuttle. I wasn’t entirely sure if she was going to kill everyone-”

“I told you I what I was doing.”

“And I-”

“That is enough!” Organa said, not quite shouting. They both shut up. First, she turned to Theia, “What you did was very, very dangerous but it paid off. Thank you.” She reached up and gently placed her hand over Theia’s shoulder and squeezed. “That was quick thinking.” 

“Thank you.” Theia felt heat take over her cheeks. How strange. 

Organa then turned to Dameron. “You fought well today too.” A conspiratorial smile pushed up the General’s lips. “You two make a formidable team, whether you like it or not.”

Theia eyed Dameron who was eyeing her as well. 

“But, we still have to be cautious with you,” Organa said with a sigh as she looked at Theia. 

She just nodded as she watched an officer come up to Leia’s side, brandishing a pair of handcuffs. She bit back a sigh and held out her hands. “I understand.”

The metal of the handcuffs was cold against her skin.

Finn ran toward them, his smile dying with each step he took. “What’s going on?”

“It’s okay, Finn. It’s fine,” Theia said.

“She could’ve killed all of us.”

“But she didn’t,” Finn said, turning to Poe. “I saw her. I saw what she did and I’ve seen her when she gets behind the controls of a starship, she never makes mistakes, she never misses unless she intentionally wants to. She was helping us. I-”

“It doesn’t matter, she broke out.”

Finn looked between Leia and Poe, his mouth open and eyes wide. “She’s done nothing wrong.”

“Finn,” Theia softly said. “It’s okay. Let them do what they feel they need to do.” She managed to smile as a guard started to pull her away.

“This isn’t right!” She heard Finn yell as she was turned and led toward a starship. “Let her go! You trusted me, why can’t you trust her?”

The walk was thankfully short and the cell in the starship was a little smaller than the one she had previously occupied but, she assumed it would be okay until she reached Tanaab and she was placed into another cell. The guard was gentle as he nudged her inside and released the manacles on her wrists before softly shutting the door.

“For what it’s worth,” he started, “I thought what you did was really brave.”

“Thank you.”

The guard smiled before walking away, leaving Theia alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you think! Also, if you have ideas about what you'd like to see, I'd be happy to try to work them in! Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Tanaab was a largely pastoral planet, mostly charged with producing food for the galaxy.

As, she had suspected, Theia was transferred to a cell in the basement of a stone building. “The General will speak with you soon,” the guard said.

“Okay.”

And so, she waited. She passed the time by tracing patterns into the battered walls with the tips of her fingers until they were red and raw. It was almost too quiet in the cell. She could hear nothing. Not the ships she knew were coming and going on the makeshift tarmac above her. Not the murmur of voices from pilots, fighters, or officers. All she could hear was the steady scraping of her skin against the wall and the gentle inhale and exhale of her breathing.

“Theia?”

She turned at the sound of her name and saw General Organa looking at her through the glass. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Finn tells me you know your way around First Order starships, all of them.”

Theia nodded. “It was standard training.”

“Does the First Order frequently use tracking technology to keep tabs on their ships?”

“Only for exploration voyages. Every starship has the capability but it’s usually disabled until that ship is sent out to uncharted territory or if the First Order is entering Hutt Space or systems where pirates are common.”

Organa nodded. “Can it be permanently disabled?”

“With a little tinkering.”

“Can you do it?”

Theia frowned. “Of course. It’s simple.”

Organa was quiet for a moment. “Can I trust you?”

“Yes.” 

“Good.” Organa stood tall and rolled her shoulders. She reached out and entered a code into the panel beside the door and the cell suddenly opened. “Follow me.” 

Theia scrambled to her feet and silently followed the general out of the building and out into the soft sunlight of the planet. The base was buzzing with life as everyone settled different aspects of command stations, housing modules, and other necessities. Organa led her toward the two First Order Shuttles parked off the tarmac. 

“Will you need any specific tools?” 

Theia nodded as her palm pressed against the warm metal of the shuttle in front of her. She listed them off before plugging in a code to release the hatch. 

“A guard will be posted outside and we have our pilots circling.” The general paused. “We will not hesitate to shoot you down if we believe you’re a threat. Understood?”

Theia nodded. “Understood.”

“I’ll have someone bring your tools to you.”

“Thank you.” Theia turned and looked at the shining interior of the first shuttle. “Do you have cloaking technology on the base?”

“Of course.” 

Theia hummed. The cloaking technology would help for now with keeping the First Order from knowing where the Resistance had taken their ships but, it would likely only backfire if the shuttles were ever activated outside of the Resistance’s shields. Each shuttle was usually outfitted with a unique code that was projected whenever it came in contact with another First Order shift. Theia would have to figure out a way to disable it before they were fit for use. But she’d take it one step at a time. The general bid her good luck and walked away as Theia walked into the shuttle.

Theia set to work immediately and looked over the shuttle’s gauges to see what exact model she was working with. She crouched under neat the pilot’s seat and saw the criss-crossing red and blue wires. She frowned when she saw the small tracking device stuck under a mess of other chips and control settings. It would take a lot longer than she had anticipated.

A guard arrived with her needed tools and set them beside her with a small smile.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, grabbing one and starting to pick apart the first layer of the control panel.

Hours passed. Sweat had started to dot her forehead and her fingertips were bloody as she continued to pry her way into the control panel. When she finally managed to get it open and get her fingers around the device, she realized she needed more equipment and carefully asked the guard if she could have it. It wasn’t entirely unheard of within the First Order for troopers to be told to finish the job with the tools provided and not ask for anything else in fear of being called incompetent (at best) and being sent to reconditioning (at worst).

But the guard happily complied and sent for the tool she requested, along with a bottle of water. Theia just stared at the bottle of water as he attempted to hand it to her.

“Aren’t you thirsty?” He asked. “You’ve been sweating like you’ve been sent to the hotbox on Jakku.”

Theia frowned and carefully accepted the bottle. “Thank you.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“Um, no. Thank you.”

The guard nodded and Theia pulled the tool and bottle a little closer to her chest as she walked back into the cockpit of the shuttle. She knew that the fighters and officers of the Resistance seemed to be kinder than almost everyone in power in the First Order but this was still a little strange. These people killed, just like the troopers, but it seemed like they were still…good.

But maybe they were just lulling her into a false sense of security. Both were viable options. Theia sniffed at the water for a split second before deeming it not-poisoned and quickly guzzled the entire thing and went back to work.

More time passed and eventually she was able to rewire the shuttle so it wouldn’t emit its usual unique code when encountering another First Order ship. The tracking device itself took a little longer to disable—and she nearly crushed it out of frustration but was finally able to solder the small chip into submission before reattaching it to the control hull.

By the time she stepped out of the first shuttle, her fingertips were bruised and bloody and she knew she was covered in a bit of oil from the panel and maybe a bit of blood too—and she knew she smelled like the underside of a wampa. The other shuttle was her destination but Finn ran up to her side, effectively stopping her crusade.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked, a little confused but still smiling.

“I have to work on the other-”

“No. You have to eat.” He wrapped his arm around hers and tugged her away from the shuttle, nearly making her drop her handful of tools onto the tawny grass.

“But-”

“C’mon. You won’t regret it.”

Theia managed to convince Finn to let her stash her tools in the next shuttle before, once again, being hauled toward the main tarmac of the base. Finn had easily persuaded the guard to let him escort her away. A large, grey-brown building stood in front of them and Finn tugged her inside. The scent of heavily flavored foods quickly assaulted her nose and Theia scrunched her face, wondering if she should sneeze or actually allow her mouth to water. Her food while she was kept in the various Resistance cells was only slightly more palatable than the mush the Troopers were served in the First Order. But this…this smelled heavenly—maybe. She wasn’t quite sure.

Finn helped her through the line and told her which of the colorful foods were the best before escorting her toward one of the many of the simple row-tables set up in five lines.  
The food was good and Theia let Finn talk her ear off about how they were gearing up to looking into the leads Theia had told them about—mostly base locations.

“But how was your day?” Finn asked between mouthfuls of food.

Theia nodded and savored the salted meat on her tongue. “It was good. I think I’ll be able to finish before the sun comes up.”

“You need to sleep, you know. That’s allowed here.”

Theia shrugged. “Well, kind of hard to kick that habit.”

“Everyone’s going to see how amazing you are, Theia. I promise. I’ve already heard some people saying that you’re one of the hardest workers on the base. We’re lucky to have you. Really.” Finn reached out and gently touched Theia’s hand with a smile before going back to his own tray.

“Yeah, well, not everyone sees me that way. Especially your friend Poe. I don’t know if I did something or…”

Finn shook his head. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll talk to him.”

Someone sat next to Theia and she stiffened for a moment before turning to see a young, blonde woman who had twisted her hair up into two identical buns. “So, you’re the new one everyone’s whispering about.”

Theia glanced at Finn, who shrugged. “Everyone talks around here.”

“You have some,” the girl tapped at her own pale cheek, “stuff. All over your face.”

“I know.”

The woman handed her a damp cloth from under her own tray. “Here.”

Theia slowly took it with a small smile. “Thank you.”

“I’m Kaydel Connix. I’m a junior controller.”

Theia started to rub the cloth over her face and was surprised at the cooling sensation it emitted and how clean her face felt. Her bloodied fingertips also felt a bit of a reprieve. “I’m Theia.”

“What a pretty name,” she cooed. “You’re working on the First Order shuttles, right?”

Theia nodded and looked at the cloth to see it blackened. “What…do I do…”

“Oh, you just pitch it with the tray when you’re done. The droids take care of the rest. Aren’t they handy? Especially when they grill up anything—it’s delicious but it always gets all over my face.” She laughed, a nice noise, Theia supposed. “So, I hear you’re a pilot?”

“I am. Well, I was.” She was starting to wonder just how much the rest of the Resistance knew about her.

“That’s fantastic, we really need some fresh eyes out there. Finn kept going on and on about how you were the best.”

Theia turned to Finn with a frown and he only shrugged. “It wasn’t a lie.”

The rest of the meal passed fairly quickly, with Kaydel and Finn chatting away while Theia tried not to stare. It all seemed so easy for Finn—to adapt to life outside the First Order. He was born to be free, she supposed. Maybe that was why he knew how to interact with people innately. She, however, seemed to be struggling with anything apart from fighting and everything related to shuttles and starships. 

When Theia excused herself, Finn smiled and Kaydel enthusiastically said it was nice to meet her and she hoped they could talk more later. “I really want to hear all about your adventures!”

Theia just responded with a tight smile and a murmured, “Sure,” before quickly depositing her empty tray at the nearest receptacle and speed-walking out of the hall. 

And, of course, she ran right into the guard who had been posted outside the shuttle. 

“Oh! Hi!” He smiled. “Going back to work?” 

“Actually, um, do you think I could shower?” She bit her lip. Her sweat and soot-covered clothes and skin had a distinct smell and it was starting to make her nauseous, if she was being honest. And the food now occupying her stomach was making her eyes heavy. She knew that, even if she wanted to go back to work (and she did), she’d be asleep under the pilot’s seat within an hour. “I’m so so-sorry. I just-”

The guard chuckled and hauled a bag into her view. “Actually, the general sent me to find you. We’ve set you up in one of the smaller bunks and found some clothes for you. I’d be happy to show you the showers. Follow me,” he said with another smile.

Theia tried to steady her breathing as she followed him. This was all becoming a bit overwhelming—and she was entirely aware that thinking someone being kind was ‘overwhelming’ was absolutely ridiculous but she couldn’t help it. He quietly led her to the communal showers, hidden away behind one of the main barracks, and showed her how to work the water and cleanser dispensers before stepping away to give her some privacy. 

Communal showers were something she was used to—she grew up with them in the training program. But this one was a bit more rustic. Open-aired and with different stalls divided with wooden slats around the heads of the shower. 

The water was a little cool at first and Theia bit her lip to keep from whimpering before it steadily warmed and she dunked her head under the stream. Her hair felt like it was made of grease and she grabbed blindly for correct dispenser on the wall before rubbing the foaming liquid furiously against her scalp before taking it down to the frayed ends. A happy sigh escaped her when she felt the tell-tale squeak of her hair being clean after five passes.

The water beneath her feet turned black for a moment before circling the drain and disappearing. Her fingers brushed against the raised scars on her back, silent reminders of her time in training. Sometimes they ached if she got too warm or too hot, reminding Theia that she’d never actually be free, no matter how far or how deep she buried her conscience.

For the first time in a handful of weeks, she felt clean. And Theia wasn’t entirely sure if it was just physical. But she was never one for philosophical thoughts so she just let a small smile push up her lips as she shut off the water and grabbed the fluffy towel on the rack. The night air seemed so much colder now that she wasn’t under the warm water. A shiver shot down her spine as she wrapped the towel around herself tightly and squeezed her hair to release a few extra drops of water.

She turned to walk away and froze. Disrobing right in front of her was Poe Dameron.

“Stop!” She called out. Heat started to rise on her cheeks as she clutched the towel a little tighter.

He looked up, smirking—probably expecting to see someone else, but the smirk dropped as soon as he saw Theia. “What are you doing here?”

Theia frowned. “Did the towel not give it away?”

Still with his jumpsuit around his ankles, Poe sneered. “You’re really mouthy for a political prisoner.”

“You’re really mouthy for a pilot who's been shot down four times.”

Poe’s (stupidly) handsome feature screwed up into a grimace. “Did Finn tell you that?”

“Maybe.” (He did.) Another shiver moved down her spine. “Am I dismissed now, sir?” She spit out the honorific. “I know you’re not my biggest fan but I think General Organa might disapprove of me freezing to death in the middle of a field.” She glanced around, wondering where the guard had run off to. Now would be a perfect time for him to appear.

Poe put his hands on his hips and Theia would swear to the stars that she did not notice how his thigh muscles moved and flexed—peeking out from underneath his plain undergarments. “You really hate me.”

“I assume the feeling’s mutual, Dameron. You’ve been nothing but rude to me. Granted, some level of suspicion was warranted because I literally crashed into your old base with my TIE Fighter. But that doesn’t excuse how terrible you’ve been. Even Finn is asking if I’ve done something wrong. So tell me, what did I do?” The words were tumbling out of her mouth faster than she could comprehend. She would later blame it on the courage she gained from being fed and clean.

Now, the guard arrived. “Ah. You’re done! Are you ready to see your new room?” He smiled, unaware of the tension. 

“Sounds perfect, thank you.” Theia pulled her towel a little tighter. “Please, lead the way.”

“Do you want to get dres-”

“Nope.”

“Ah, okay. Well, follow me. G’night, Dameron.”

**

Months passed, largely without incident for Theia. After rewiring the Shuttles, General Organa gave her the task of upgrading a few of the other starships in the Resistance’s fleet.

The guard was eventually allowed to actually man the base instead of following her around and it was done with a simple nod from the famed general. 

That was when Theia thought she had finally been accepted into the Resistance. People talked to her, asked her to take a look at their starships, asked her how her day was—some even brought by water and snacks when she was stuck under the hood of a particularly fickle engine. 

But then she was brought into the command center by a giddy Finn. Poe and high-ranking officers were assembled around the large command station, loudly discussing what seemed like a plan for a surveillance mission. 

“We bought ourselves some time with moving bases so quickly-”

“And the quick work of our newest recruit, Theia,” Mon Mothma said with a nod in Theia’s direction. Finn elbowed Theia with a large smile, his chest puffing with pride as her face reddened with a blush. “But the time has come to act on the information she gave us.”

Theia couldn’t lie, most of the jargon the officers were throwing around went right over her head—but she was able to get the plan of trying to find the weaknesses of the Hesperidium base. Theia was, once again, asked to tell everything she knew about the base to the assembled officers—they all seemed pleased with her information. As the meeting was adjourned, General Organa asked Theia to wait behind as Finn went back to the main base with a reassuring squeeze on her arm.

“Theia, do you feel like you’re ready to fly again?”

A smile broke across Theia’s face. “Really?”

General Organa nodded. “Yes, I want you to go out with the rest of the squadron.”

Her smile continued to grow until her cheeks hurt. “Thank you.”

Organa smiled for a moment before gently pushing Theia back toward the tarmac. “Go get your jumpsuit from one of the mechanics. Your X-Wing is waiting for you.”

Theia couldn’t remember being this happy, aside from finding out that Finn had survived and made it to the Resistance. She readily accepted the jumpsuit from the mechanic and pulled it on before finding a helmet.

“Your code is Grey Five. Okay?”

Theia nodded and adjusted the frequency on her comm unit before being led to the slightly banged-up X-Wing. The paint was a little faded. It looked like it had taken a wrong turn (or five) through an asteroid belt—but it was hers. The grey Resistance insignia was chipped on the back wing but it was still there, nearly glittering the early morning sunlight.

Theia watched the rest of the pilots making their way toward the tarmac and slyly ingratiated herself into the group of helmeted pilots, keeping her head down. She knew they knew who she was. But that didn’t mean she wanted to draw even more attention to herself. She was a teammate now, right? Part of the crew. The group was quiet, but a thrum of energy seemed to surround them. Theia felt her heartrate spike when she brushed against their shoulders. This was new—she had never felt a surge of adrenaline when gearing up to go out on a mission for the First Order.

Poe appeared and the already quiet group grew even quieter.

“Today we have a simple mission.” His dark eyes, not hidden behind his helmet, connected with Theia’s and he nodded before continuing. He explained that they were being sent out to confirm the location of a First Order base, Hesperidium. The pilots were told not to engage enemy forces at all and to keep their cloaking engaged at all times. It was a reconnaissance missions. The Resistance needed to know what kind of firepower, man power, the base was capable of before setting out to destroy the base or finding another base to monitor.

“Understood?” Poe asked after dolling out the flight pattern. Theia, of course, was partnered with Poe who was flying to the north of the planet. She assumed it was so he could keep an eye her.

“Understood!” The group responded.

“Let’s move out!”

Theia walked to her X-Wing and pulled in a deep breath before grasping the small ladder leading up to the cockpit.

“Are you ready?” Her mechanic asked quietly as he untethered the starship.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Just bring this beaut back to me in one piece, yeah?” he said with a kind smile.

Theia smiled in return, unable to suppress it. “I’ll try.”

“And look out for Dameron? He can be a bit reckless when he has the stars under his wings.”

Theia’s smile fell. “I’ll try. But I make no promises.” 

The mechanic nodded and Theia buckled herself in. Over the past few months, she had become intimately aware and familiar with the X-Wing’s operating system. A strange, happy feeling bloomed in her chest as she tightened the strap on her helmet and grasped the steering controls. It felt right. 

The call came out through the comms and soon the entire fleet of X-Wings was speeding out into the space surrounding Tanaab. 

The mission went on without incident. Theia tried her hardest to ignore the way Poe’s X-Wing was always within sight. She knew that Organa was well on her way to (possibly) trusting her—so why couldn’t Dameron? The information she gave the group of officers was backed up with the reconnaissance the pilots gathered and, after a few hours, the stars were streaking against the glass of her cockpit and Tanaab was once again hovering in front of them. 

They landed and Jessika Pava—one of the other pilots who seemed to be made of sunshine—quickly ran over to Theia and wrapped her in a hug. “Congratulations on your first mission!” 

The familiar sting of a blush hit Theia’s cheeks as she awkwardly returned the hug, their helmets clinking together. “Uh, th-thanks!” 

“You’re amazing,” Jessika said as she held Theia at arms-length. You have to teach me that 180 dodge maneuver. I have the hardest time getting through asteroid belt. It’ll save me so much time in the shop if I don’t have to wait for repairs.”

Theia made a few more minutes of polite conversation before Jessika excused herself to shower. 

“So, how’d she do?” The mechanic asked, wiping his oil-stained hands onto a rag. 

“She was wonderful. Handles like a dream.” 

The mechanic chuckled and pressed a hand to the still-warm side of the ship. “Don’t tell Poe, but she’s my favorite.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” Theia allowed herself to swell just a bit with pride. She knew mechanics were the lifeblood of a fleet and if the mechanic loved her ship, she knew she had a good one. Theia jogged to the back of the hangar and started to strip off her jumpsuit after carefully hanging her helmet and comlink on the assigned Grey Five hooks and hangers. Just as she was shoving her feet back into her boots and folding the jumpsuit, she heard a shuffle. It was the noise of boots against the cement of the hangar and she turned to see Poe, still dressed in his jumpsuit with his helmet tucked under his arm.

“You did well today.”

Theia frowned and shoved her jumpsuit into the assigned bag and handed it off to the droid for cleaning. “Thanks.”

“Your piloting style is different than ours. I think you’ll have to train with a few new recruits if you want to be part of the main squad—our group maneuvers have to be seamless. But I, uh, would also like for you to teach us anything you can about how the First Order wants their pilots to operate. I think if we know both sides, it’ll help on the battlefield.” 

Theia nodded. “Sure. Anything you want.” 

Poe nodded and was quiet for a moment, leading Theia to believe he was done. She didn’t bother lacing her boots this time. She just wanted to leave and started to do so when Poe stepped directly into her path.

“Can I help-”

“What are your scars from?” Poe asked, his voice strangely soft.

Theia frowned and was then acutely aware of the sweaty fabric of her shirt sliding and sticking against the raised scars on her back. Of course he had seen them all those weeks ago at the showers. She was only dressed in a towel when they had had their little ‘discussion.’ She had just hoped that the light had been dim enough that he wouldn’t see them. No such luck. “Why?”

“Finn has a few like them—just not as many.”

“You can ask Finn what they’re from,” Theia said, a bit more ice in her tone than she had intended. But she didn’t want anyone else on the base to know about them. All they would see is a trooper. And maybe they’d pity her. She didn’t want their pity, she didn’t want soft glances, and whispers between colleagues when she walked by. She wanted to be left alone to do her job and to be treated like anyone else who came to the Resistance.

Finn seemed to have it easy. Or, at least, it looked like it. He dove headfirst into the world of the Resistance when he flew in on the famous Millennium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca. Everyone instantly trusted him—as they should, Theia mused. They’d be fairly stupid if they didn’t trust someone who Solo trusted.

But she didn’t have that luxury of instant trustworthiness. Sure, everyone seemed to like her and, for the most part, left her to her own devices to work on the shuttles and other starships. But Theia knew there would always be a hint of suspicion, mainly in the case of the commanding officers.

“But I asked you,” Poe said.

Theia paused. “And you can ask Finn.”

Poe sighed. “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot-”

“I might be emotionally stunted and not really understand the complete range of societal niceties but saying we ‘got off on the wrong foot’ is putting it mildly.”

He winced. “I’m really trying here.”

“But why are you trying, Dameron? I don’t understand. Why the change of heart?”

“I just…” his dark eyes looked at her for a moment before he sighed and looked up at the sky, now turning a dusky shade of pink with the sunset. “Finn adores you. You’re all he talks about—besides Rey. And I trust his judgement. I trust the general’s judgement. I’m trying to make amends. And you’re making it really difficult.”

“My deepest apologies,” Theia said in monotone. “I think you’ll understand if it takes me a moment to two to warm up to you.”

He nodded, the dark curls on his head bouncing a bit. “I do, I do understand. But I am trying.”

“Okay.”

“Stars!” Poe exploded. “I’m trying so hard to be nice to you and it’s like you’re made of stone. The only reason I know you’re actually human is because I’ve seen you bleed!”

“That’s not really a problem, Dameron. Pilots don’t need to feel. They need to act. Like a well-oiled machine.” She made to move again only to have her arm gently grasped in his. 

“That’s not how the Resistance operates. That’s what the First Order had shoved into your brain. You need-”

“Let go of my arm.” Her pulse was hammering and flashes of Hux were starting to stab at the back of her mind as his fingers tightened around her bicep.

“No. I-”

“I said let go of my arm!”

“Listen to me!” Poe retracted his grip and threw his hands up in the air.

Theia couldn’t help it—she flinched. And, of course, Poe saw it. 

“I…I wasn’t going to hit you…”

“Please, just don’t touch me.” Theia hated how small her voice sounded, even to her own ears. 

“Theia, please, I-I wasn’t-”

“Goodnight, Captain Dameron.” And she walked away, rubbing her fingers against the place where his were, trying to scrub away his touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho-kay. I am so, so, so sorry this took so long. I got promoted at work and while that is amazing for my bank account, it is not amazing for my time to write. I will try my hardest to crank out AT LEAST ONE CHAPTER A MONTH. And I haven't forsaken my "What If..." Series either. I should have the next one-shot finished within a week or two. Again, I'm so, so, so sorry it took so long. I hope you guys are still reading and still like it.  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos, bookmarks, and comments. You make me happier than words can say.


	4. Chapter 4

Theia was perfectly aware that she was human and capable of emotions. But it seemed that she wasn’t very good at feeling, or at least expressing how she was feeling—aside from bitter anger and distrust if it was directed toward one Poe Dameron. And Theia, thanks to Connix’s ability to appear seemingly out of nowhere and know everything that was happening around the base, learned that she was thought to be cold and standoffish. “Robotic” is the word tossed around the most, according to Connix who quickly told Theia that she didn’t believe it for a second—“but if you could hug someone or smile, I think that would probably help things.”

Solid advice.

Theia hugged Finn, but she supposed it was just second nature to only do it when they were alone. Any fraternization in the First Order was frowned upon and dealt with quickly and ruthlessly. It was a survival instinct to hide her friendships and affections.

The person she was closest to at the base beside Finn and Connix (who had managed to weasel her way into Theia’s affections), was Jessika, one of the best pilots in the Resistance’s battalion. She didn’t seem to mind Theia’s gruff exterior or her short, snappy commentary or complete lack of conversation when they were around each other. 

Theia banked quickly to the left to avoid Jessika’s oncoming X-Wing and then shot downward into the vast expanse of stars and trained her ship’s blasters at the underbelly of Jessika’s ship.

“I win again,” Theia said with a small smile pushing at the corners of her lips.

Jessika groaned through the comm link. “You know, I really thought I was a good pilot before you came around.” She laughed. “But what would you do if there was an asteroid belt? Or other fighters?”

Theia answered as best as she could as the headed back toward Tanaab, the score leaning heavily in Theia’s favor. While she had been told to try to fly similarly to the rest of the Resistance squadron, General Organa still thought it pertinent for the other pilots to learn, at least a few, tactics Theia was intimately aware of through her First Order training. While some pilots thought it was a little strange (and unnerving) to see how quickly she found their weak spots, others like Jessika found it a great training exercise.

She taught them about the inner mechanisms of other First Order starships and, if needed, where to make a single shot count.

It had been almost a month since she had first been allowed to join the rest of the pilots in the Resistance’s X-Wing squadron. Poe seemed to have taken the hint (is that people called it?) and his questions about Theia and Finn’s lives back in the First Order were left unspoken—or at least he didn’t ask Theia about them anymore. But she felt his eyes on her when she was walking around the base. His dark stare didn’t feel like knives like Hux’s pale gaze did. Even when she wanted to smack Poe (usually when he was trying to say he wouldn’t fall for any of her “tricks” when she was trying to teach him something), Theia begrudgingly had to admit that he seemed decent.

And she hated it.

Jessika smiled as she exited her own X-Wing when they landed and Theia tried her best to return it, feeling the corners of her lips turn the slightest bit. 

“Are you with Poe again tomorrow?” Jessika asked, setting her helmet on her hip as the mechanics buzzed around the tarmac, inspecting the freshly landed starships. 

Theia nodded. Only Jessika and Poe were given days to themselves when training with Theia, the others were grouped together, learning only the basics of what she could teach them. Poe and Jessika, on the other hand, were elected to be the lead pilots and would probably be the first to engage enemy starships so Leia thought it pertinent for them to receive special training. 

Jessika went through the movements again with Theia, using her hands as miniature starships to make sure she understood what had happened out with the stars. She was a fast learner, and Theia was happy to gently correct the angle of her “ship” when she needed it. 

“It’s a difficult maneuver, you’ll get it soon enough.” 

Jessika beamed and wrapped Theia in a quick hug. “You are just the sweetest!”

Theia felt herself go rigid in Jessika’s arms but managed to awkwardly touch her back in a soft pat before she stepped back. Jessika, for the most part, didn’t seem to notice anything askew and bid Theia a good night before running off toward the cantina for an early lunch. 

“Theia!”

She turned at the sound of her name as she handed off her jumpsuit and helmet to the nearest mechanic. Finn was barreling toward her, a broad smile on his face and his arms were waving in the air. He must have just returned from his recent trip with Chewbacca. But he hadn’t been due back for another handful of hours. Once a month, Finn and Chewbacca were sent out to wherever Rey was training with the mysterious Skywalker to deliver foodstuffs—and there was another woman with them. Shyon Jerriko. There had been whispers about the other woman—and then Connix had let it slip that Poe had once followed her around like a lost kid. This only caused Theia to snicker.

“Finn, what’re you-”

The rest of her question was cut off as Finn wrapped her in a tight hug, effectively pressing the air out of her lungs in one motion. “I have had the best day,” He said into her neck. He squeezed her even tighter before stepping back. “Let’s go have lunch!” He didn’t give her an option before grabbing her hand and sprinting toward the cantina. Finn was quick slap together two meals and drag Theia back outside and toward one of the many fields surrounding the main tarmac. They sat down under the shade of one of the few trees and Theia listened to Finn excitedly tell his version of events from his latest adventure out to visit Rey.

“…you should’ve seen it, Theia, the jedi in action! It’s all real—all of it! I can’t wait for you to meet her, really meet her.” He sighed happily and then cocked his head to the side just as Theia was pushing a large hunk of bread into her mouth without an ounce of grace. “Have you never wanted to kiss someone?” Finn asked.

“No.” Theia barely got the single syllable out around the bread and the air she was trying not to choke on.

“Well, it’s nice. It’s really nice to kiss someone.” He sighed and his dark eyes went skyward, looking at the clouds with a content look on his face.

Theia suppressed a smile at her friend’s happy expression. It still felt a little strange to speak of the young woman she had met only briefly all those months ago. Theia had let Finn babble on and on about her without more than a handful of hums and smiles to let him know she was listening.

It was strange, to see someone so wrapped up in another person. So fantastically in love—that was the right word, wasn’t it?

Love?

Theia surmised that Finn must’ve kissed her on this latest adventure and now had even more stars in his eyes when it came to her. 

They talked for a little longer before Connix walked toward them, stating General Organa was requesting Theia’s presence in the Command Center. Finn waved her on and Theia subtly attempted to straighten the wrinkles in her tunic as she followed Connix toward the large concrete and rock building and down the stairs. 

Most of the commanding officers were there, huddled around a large green-lit display, talking in hushed tones as the electronics and machines hummed around them, bring back and forth information on various missions throughout the galaxy. General Organa was gazing up at the green display, her lips tight and eyes narrowed. 

“General,” Connix said, “Theia is here.”

“And Dameron?” She asked, stepping around the display. 

“On his way.” 

As if on cue, the door opened again and Poe walked in, a little out of breath but with a wide smile across his face. “Sorry, General. Those new trainees are a bit of a handful.” He chuckled at his own joke. There had been a few new recruits to the Resistance and Poe had been put in charge of helping them acclimate. 

Theia looked at Poe out of the corner of her eye and tried not to let her mouth twist into a scowl. Her eyes shot back to General Organa as she stepped forward.

“We have been given a lead on the movement of a large weapon system. Our contact, however, refuses to divulge anything unless we send someone to speak in person.”

“It sounds like a trap,” Theia said, crossing her arms.

“It very well could be. But, he hasn’t led us astray yet. I want you and Dameron to go and meet with the contact.”

Again, Theia’s eyes shot to Dameron who was now also frowning.

“I would be happy to go, General. But I don’t think that Theia-”

“I need you both to go,” Organa said, voice stern and her small hands settling over her hips. A few other officers glanced at them over her shoulder before looking back at their own assorted tasks, trying to eavesdrop inconspicuously. “Dameron, you’re the best operative I have. What you went through with the First Order only solidified that. But I need Theia there to make sure the information our contact is passing on is legitimate—we need a solid lead on this. Am I clear?”

“Of course, ma’am.” Theia nodded but filed away the questions she had about Poe’s interaction with the First Order for when she next saw Finn.

“Dameron?” Organa asked, waiting for his consent.

“Of course, General. When do we leave?”

Connix stepped up and gave them each a datapad, explaining that they were to go to Corellia and meet with a man at the cantina in Coronet City, the capital of the planet—which was conveniently a possible ally to the First Order (begrudgingly or not, it remained to be determined). And they were supposed to be leaving in less than an hour. They were dismissed with a few words of encouragement and Theia flipped through her datapad, trying to see what the culture and customs were on Corellia so she could blend in—the First Order hadn’t really taught the pilots about blending in and Theia was sure blending in was required for this mission. 

After stopping in her small home and gathering what she thought would help, Theia made her way toward one of the small shuttles that had been set aside for her and Poe. 

“I’ll pilot,” Poe said as he appeared at her side. 

Theia bit her tongue, and hefted her back a bit higher on her shoulder before forcing a smile onto her face when she caught sight of Jessika waving at her from across the tarmac. 

It was going to be a long flight.

**

“Are you ready?” Poe asked, his thick eyebrows knitting together for a moment as he looked at her.

“Uh,” she started, adjusting the hood over her vibrant hair. “Yes.” Of course, Theia was lying. She wasn’t trained for espionage or covert affairs. She was trained to shoot things, to blow things up, things like that. Was she really just supposed to stand back and listen in on Dameron’s conversation? Keep an eye out?

It all sounded so easy, so simple. But if the First Order taught her anything it would be that anything simple was actually a trap.

Poe handed her a holster, which she quickly clipped around her waist, followed by a pair of small blasters.

“I’m…trusting you to shoot anyone who tries to shoot me first. I know you’re a good shot. I’m counting on it.”

The smile that accompanied this statement caused Theia’s stomach to twist. His perfect teeth were barely visible and the crinkles beside his eyes only made him look a bit more boyish, years younger than what she knew him to be. An unfamiliar heat took over her cheeks as he continued to look at her and Theia hurriedly holstered the blasters. “Right. Kill anyone who wants to kill you. Got it.”

Poe’s hand suddenly thumped onto her shoulder. “You okay?” Before Theia could answer, Poe continued. “Finn told me to look out for you today—even though that is the exact opposite of what is actually supposed to happen. But I do want to make sure you’re okay. He, uh, told me..." He shook his head. "You can stay on the ship if you want. I-”

“No!” Theia said, stepping out of his reach. “I’m doing this. The General needs me to do this. I-”

“Theia,” Poe started, stepping forward and gently touching her arms again. His grip was loose, easily breakable. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“Let me do this.” She squared her shoulders. “Let’s go.”

The sun was bright and was only exacerbated by the gleaming glass and metal of Coronet City. Large, towering buildings dominated the skyline, not an ounce of greenery to be seen in any direction. 

“The market’s this way,” Poe said softly, as he passed her, leading her away from the landing station and into the heart of the city. 

Theia found it easy to slip back into the crowd, watching Poe’s mop of dark hair weave through the throngs of people ahead of her. Perhaps it was her pilot training, to see a target in the distance and calculate where it would head next. 

The softness Dameron had shown her on the starship earlier had caught her off guard—the trip to the planet itself had been silent. Sure, his face was pleasing to the eye and he had smelled very vaguely of the early morning dew and oil and for some reason that had made her heart stutter—but that was absolutely no reason for her to blush. Right? Theia berated herself over and over as she continued to tail him. He had said it himself, he was doing that for Finn. Absolutely nothing made sense. Maybe she’d ask Finn about it when she got back. 

Poe slowed to a stop near a stall selling plasma packs in the bustling market and Theia suddenly turned toward the stall at her right and pretended to look intrigued at the strange-looking fruits heaped into baskets. Theia glanced over her shoulder toward Poe to see him talking with a man with dirty, blonde hair and matching mustache near the mouth of an alley. 

“…the weapon is-”

The rest of the man’s words were drowned out by sudden thudding of a familiar march. 

Theia felt bumps rise all over her skin. The metallic clank against the hard ground was unmistakable. She turned her head the slightest bit to see a battalion of troopers heading their way, weapons drawn and a projection of her face held in their lieutenant’s hands. 

Poe was suddenly in front of her, dragging her into the crevice between two stalls, blanketed in shadows. His large hands wrapped around her upper arms again and he pulled her close, the buckle of his trousers digging into her belly. The heat of his skin was seeping into her and she could smell him again, the tang of oil tickling her nose.

“What are you doing?” She hissed. “We need to leave!” 

“Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.”

“Yes, they do. I’m one of those people.”

“Do you want to go back to the First Order?”

“No!”

And his lips were suddenly on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I hope you guys liked it! This chapter really sets up the rest of the plot and I hope you all continue to enjoy this little story. Again, I apologize that this takes so long to post, but I'm trying! I really, really am. Thank you for sticking with me--and a big, extra special thank you to everyone who bookmarked, kudo'd, and commented. It really motivates me and I can't tell you how much it means to me. Please let me know what you think!   
> All my love. xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, bookmarked, and kudo'd. I appreciate it!

And his hands were in her hair and he was pressing her against the cold metal of the building behind her. Her mouth parted out of instinct and suddenly his tongue was probing hers, coaxing her into responding. Theia’s heart was pounding in her chest and her hands clutched at the worn leather of Poe’s jacket as a breathy sound escaped her when Poe’s fingers started to tangle in her hair at the base of her neck. 

All she could feel was Poe Poe Poe and his scent was filling her nose, spinning her thought until the revolved solely around how soft his skin was as his fingertips slid down her neck. 

The sound of the troopers’ stomping jerked Theia away from her strange little bubble. She pressed her hand against his chest and pushed, just enough to feel the warmth of him leave her. Breath rushed in and out of her lungs as she let herself look at him—flushed cheeks and pink lips. His dark eyes were dilated. 

“I think we’re in the clear.” Her words were hushed and her mouth felt strange, tingling.

Theia slid against the building and toward the mouth of the alley. She watched the mass of troopers disappear around the corner before adjusting her hood and pulling the scarf from around Poe’s neck. He let out a confused squawk as she wrapped it around her nose and mouth, leaving only her eyes uncovered. 

She ignored how the fabric seemed to be steeped in the scent of him as she took in a gulp of air. 

“Is the mark still out there?” 

Poe peeked around the corner. “Yeah,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. His chest heaved. 

“Good.” She straightened her shoulders. “We don’t have time to chase him around the city. We have about ten minutes until they head back toward their shuttle. Is that enough time to get the information you need?” 

Poe looked back at her over his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. “It should be plenty. I’m surprised he hasn’t run yet. He-”

“Stay here.” Theia shouldered past him and back into the bustling bazaar, once again buzzing with life as if the intrusion of the Troopers had never happened at all. It was easy to spot the man as he perused a stall’s offering of blasters—his shoulders were almost reaching his ears with how far he had ducked his head and his hands were shaking as he reached out. Theia grabbed him by the wrist and clamped her other over his shoulder, putting pressure against a nerve she knew was hidden under the skin. “Come with me.” 

The stall’s vendor looked blandly up at her for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. Probably used to the sight of a man being dragged away. 

It took little effort for Theia to drag the man over to Poe. He was a trembling mess but didn’t squirm. He was murmuring something about not wanting to die as she shoved him into the alleyway. 

“Theia-” Poe started.

“Ask him. Now.” She pulled the scarf from her face.

“What is the weapon?” Poe asked in a hard voice. 

“It’s a new Death Star—improved, impervious.”

“Where? Where are they building it?”

“I-” The man’s eyes shifted from Poe to Theia and then back to Poe. “I want guarantees.”

“About what?”

“I need to be safe! I-I can’t just keep doing this, spilling information, for-for nothing.”

“You’re doing this for the galaxy! You-”

“Knew what you were signing up for,” Poe retaliated. “Now tell us everything you know.”

The man’s resolve quickly crumbled and he told Poe about how the First Order was hoping to building the new Death Star above Coruscant and how it was rumored to rival Starkiller Base’s power and ability but it was faster, possibly capable of achieving lightspeed.

“If that’s true, the First Order would be able to outrun our attacks.” Poe ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends with a grimace.

“Are they building it already?” Theia asked, finally interjecting into the conversation. 

At the sound of her voice, the informant shuffled away a few steps, distrust in his eyes. “They have a fleet working on it now. They expect it to be at least capable of running as a base within the next few weeks.” 

Theia pursed her lips as Poe muttered a curse.

“There’s no way a base that size would be operational in a few weeks,” Theia tried to reason. “The First Order would have to have thousands of people working on it, day and night. They’d-”

“They do. They’re bringing them in from across the galaxy. There’s a pile of the, uh, ‘unwilling’ in The Works. I thought that place smelled bad before.” He groaned. “It’s worse now.” 

Poe frowned and looked at Theia. “What do you think?” 

“I think we’re wasting time.” She looked down at the man. “We’ll be back for you.”

“Do you promise?”

“N-”

“Yes,” Poe said quickly, cutting off Theia in an instant. 

The man nodded, his eyes shifting around the mouth of the alley as more and more people walked by. He licked his lips. “When will you come back?”

“When you have something of value,” Theia said. 

The man’s shoulders slumped. “I’ll keep in touch with my contact. I’ll send out a line when I find out anything else.”

Poe went through his usual spiel of thanking him for the information and staying safe as Theia frowned. 

“Who is your contact?” She asked as he started to sneak toward the bazaar.

He paused. “He refuses to tell me his name. I only see him in the shadows.” 

“Find out.”

The man’s eyes widened. “I-I will try.” 

“Good.” 

And with that, he was gone, disappearing into the bustling crowd again.

It was quiet in the alley again for a moment and Theia adjusted her scarf and hood again, making sure her face was effectively obscured. 

“We need to work on your people skills.”

Theia snorted, a bit of the tension she felt in her shoulders sliding away. “I’ve been called abrasive.”

“That’s putting it lightly.” Poe sighed. “Let’s get back to the ship. The General would want us back as soon as possible.” 

Again, it was quiet as the bobbed and weaved through the crowded Corellian streets and alleys toward the landing bay. The news of the new weapon was lingering at the back of Theia’s mind but she couldn’t help the smile that kept tugging at the corner of her lips at the thought of Poe’s ill-timed humor.

“We make a good team, you know,” Poe said with a smile. “You’re a little more aggressive than what I would consider, you know, proper. But you did great.”

“Yeah?” Theia said softly, feeling a small bit of pride swell in her chest.

“Yeah.” He smiled and gently nudged her shoulder with his. “Seriously, though. We’ll need to work on your people skills.” 

The small reprieve was cut short when she spotted the familiar white-glare of a Trooper’s armor. There were only about six of them lurking around the bay and she pulled Poe to a stop before hauling him behind a building, quickly explaining the situation. 

Poe grabbed his blaster from his holster and readied it, squaring his shoulders as he moved to charge out into the bay.

Theia grabbed Poe’s wrist, quickly releasing her grip when he winced.

“What?”

“You have to promise me something.” She wasn't proud of what she was about to ask.

Again, his brow furrowed and he crossed his arms. “What is it?”

“You have to kill me if they try to capture me.”

“Theia-”

“I won’t go back, Dameron. You have to promise me.” She pulled in a shaky breath and pulled out her own pair of blasters. “Please.”

He paused for a moment before shaking his head. “I won’t do it. Finn would never forgive-”

“Finn would do it for me. I know he would. He would never let me be taken back to the First Order. He knows what will happen to me if I get caught. He’d pull the trigger faster than anyone I know. He’d understand, if you told him what happened, what was at stake, he’d understand. I promise you that.”

“How’d they even know you were alive?” Poe asked. “They must have gotten reports that your TIE Fighter crashed on D’Qar.”

“Yes, and you need to tell the General that as soon as we land. Everyone in the First Order should think I’m dead.”

“You’re implying we have a double agent-”

“Yes. I am. And everyone will automatically think it’s me. That’s why you have to bring this to the General.”

“She trusts you now-”

“But not like she trusts you. I will never be trusted like she trusts you. And that’s okay. That’s my lot in life. But, please, I need you to trust me on this. It isn’t me. I need you to tell the General and only her. For all I know, it could be one of the officers leaking information to the First Order.”

“Why are you so adamant about this?”

“I’ve seen how they work, Dameron. I’ve seen them send sleepers into planet’s governments and sway the vote. They aren’t always blowing shit up and asking later. They’re cruel strategists. They can be patient. Believe me.” 

Poe’s dark eyes searched hers for a moment before yet another sigh pushed through him, dropping his shoulders. “I believe you.” 

Theia nodded. “Thank you. Now,” she said as she turned to peek around into the bay, “you go left, I’ll go right. Aim for the neck. The armor is weakest there.” 

“Are you sure you want to-”

“On the count of three, okay?” Theia pushed forward, not letting Poe finish his question. She knew he’d wonder if she knew any of the people behind the white helmets. And she didn’t want to think about that while she was trying to survive. 

“One…two…three…” Theia rushed out of her cover and fired both of her blasters, easily taking down two of the Troopers. She heard Poe’s hurried footsteps quickly follow her lead, the sound of his own blaster firing quickly followed. The remaining troopers quickly spotted them and returned fire only to be hit and be reduced to a smoking pile of white armor. 

“Clear on my side!” Poe hollered from the other side of the bay. 

Theia sucked in a breath and briefly looked around, not finding any other troopers lurking in the shadows, and holstered her blasters. “Clear!” She looked down at the last trooper she had killed and sighed, recognizing the set of letters and numbers stamped on the trooper’s breast plate. He had been in the same training squadron when they were children. He had black hair and soft green eyes. He had been quiet and one of the few who didn’t beat up on Finn at every given opportunity. 

The sound of the starship’s engine roaring brought Theia back to the present. She jogged over to the open hatch of the starship and easily strapped herself into the co-pilot’s seat. The back hatch closed as the engine continued to grow louder. 

“Are you okay?” Poe asked as soon as they were exiting the planet’s gravitational pull. He had noticed her strange silence. (Well, if he was being honest, the silence wasn’t strange. It was the way her bottom lip was quivering—instead of her lips being pulled into a perfect line, as usual. Not that Poe was staring at her mouth, of course.)

“I’m fine. You’re quite the shot, Dameron.”

“Thanks.”

Theia took a deep breath and let her shoulders slump as the ship finally hit lightspeed. The pair quietly discussed the plan of telling the General about their suspicions of a double agent. 

“…But we’ll have to just act like nothing is wrong, like we don’t know a thing,” Theia said with a nod. 

Poe hummed his agreement just as Tanaab entered their line of sight. 

Flashes of the dead trooper at her feet hadn’t stopped running through Theia’s mind since they had taken off. She unbuckled herself before they landed and hurriedly walked toward the hatch, stumbling a bit when the landing wasn’t smooth. It seemed to take ages for the hatch to be dropped.

The warm night air of Tanaab was almost suffocating and Theia’s boots stomped a new trail through the tall grass as she nearly sprinted toward the small home she now occupied. 

“Theia?” She faintly heard Poe call. 

She didn’t look back and hurriedly locked herself inside the small house. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She had been just fine with fighting for the Resistance. She knew she had probably shared a few brief glances with other troopers she had killed in previous skirmishes—but this had been different. She knew he had been kind where others had been cruel. Theia pressed a hand over her mouth as she felt a sob scratching its way up her throat. 

Theia wasn’t entirely sure when she had crawled into bed or fallen asleep but the black void that surrounded her mind was a welcome reprieve.

But it didn’t last long.

She was jerked awake by something slapping a hand over her mouth and pressing a blaster to her side. 

“Listen to me very carefully.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right. SO. Work is still draining my soul so I'm pretty sure I'll only be able to post once a month but I promise it won't be less than that. Or! I could write shorter chapters and post more frequently. What do you guys think? This story will probably be about 10-15 chapters long--let me know if there are specific scenes you think would fit with the story line!


	6. Chapter 6

Theia stared at the man who was currently standing over her. He was one of the many lower level officers she had witnessed buzzing around the base and attending General Organa’s meetings. He had usually been shoved to the back—she didn’t even know his name. 

She winced when he pressed the blaster farther into her side. 

“You are going to get me into one of the First Order shuttles.” He pulled in a breath and nearly snarled down at her. “You aren’t going to make a sound, you understand me?”

Theia nodded, feeling her heart beat steadily in her chest. Flashes of Hux’s assault ran through her mind and she sucked in a breath from between his sweaty fingers. Her mind was automatically shifting to fight mode, analyzing him for any weaknesses. His arms were thin and his chest was heaving with each breath—he had never handled a blaster, probably, and had definitely never targeted a person like this. The way he was hunched over her let Theia know he wasn’t experienced—not like her. His weight was too far forward, off balance. 

Maybe this wasn’t like Hux at all.

The early morning air was thick with mist and the sun was still tucked underneath the horizon when the officer shoved her out of her home. The base was still quiet—the night shift surveillance probably already trading posts, leaving everything basically unguarded and unwatched. 

“If you run, I will shoot you.”

That didn’t warrant a response, in Theia’s opinion, so she just let him shove her toward the Bravo hangar, where the First Order shuttles had been regulated after she had finished rewiring them. The tawny grass was damp under her bare feet, making her slide for a few moments.

“Why haven’t you told the First Order where the base is?” Theia asked as the hatched groaned and opened. Stalling tactics had never been an area of study in the First Order. She was completely winging it—probably a poor choice, considering the blaster still digging into her side, but she blamed her less-than-half-baked idea on hanging out with Finn and his impulsive nature. 

“Why do you think I’m still alive? I haven’t told them everything.”

Theia frowned. Images of the hooded and terrifying Commander Ren and her brief interaction with him before her defection ran through her head. She knew the First Order had the capability of pulling whatever information they wanted from anyone. Why didn’t they just have Ren interrogate him? 

“And what are you planning on doing with this shuttle?”

“Shut up!” The officer snarled, twisting the barrel. 

“I need to know what you need to do. Some of the thrusters are still offline. If you want this thing to leave the ground, you have to tell me what you want it to do.”

(She was bluffing. The shuttle was perfectly functional. And that was something she took great pride in for a moment.)

Theia heard the man sigh as they neared the cockpit. The blaster in her side was removed. “I-I’m scared.”

There was an opening. And the training that had been beaten into her since she could crawl took over. Theia turned and jammed her elbow into side of the officer’s face and was instantly rewarded with the crack of his jaw. She ran toward the pilot’s chair but was yanked back by a hand grabbing her hair and roughly pulling her back. 

A shot was fired and she felt it graze her side as she scratched at the hand in her hair. Again, she turned and kicked him straight in the stomach, loosening his grip just enough for her to pull away at the price of her hair being ripped from her scalp. 

“You bitch!”

Her fingers slid against the cold, sleek buttons of the control panel just as another shot was fired. It missed and half of the panel started to spark, exposing wires and chips in puffs of smoke. Theia’s palm slammed against the button she was searching for—a loud, screeching siren suddenly filled the air and bathed the cockpit in dark red light. The back hatch closed quickly, an old First Order protocol hardwired into every starship. 

“You don’t know what you’ve done!” He screamed. “They’ll kill me!” Raising the blaster again, he fired as Theia dove behind the captain’s chair. 

She shoved her hand under the captain’s panel and grasped a long metal rod she had become familiar with when she had been rewiring the shuttles. Just as her palm encased the warm metal, she was forcibly pulled from her hiding spot by sweaty hands on her ankles. She slid against the grooved metal of the floor and tried to stop it by wrapping her fingers around the base of the captain’s chair—she only succeeded in nearly losing her rod and bending back several nails on her left hand. 

“You’ve ruined everything!” The man shouted as he clamored on top of her, his thighs bracketing her ribs. His green eyes were blown wide and furious—nearly psychotic. The blaster had been abandoned. His thin fingers wrapped around her throat and squeezed for a moment before Theia managed to slam the metal rod into the side of his face. The man let out a broken groan and fell to the side as the rod clattered to the ground. 

Theia sucked in her next breath with a gasp, her throat already sore and tender, and scrambled to her feet. She sprinted back toward the control panel—she needed to project what was going on, needed to ask for help. 

She didn’t want to be blamed for the death of an officer. She didn’t want to be seen as an enemy again. She was good. She was being good. Wasn’t she?

Just as her fingers found the control for the voice projector, Theia was roughly pulled back by the back of her shirt and spun around, coming face to face with the snarling, bleeding officer. Before she could even think to outmaneuver him, his clammy hands were shoving her down onto the control panel, uncaring when she let out a scream when she was slammed against the broken paneling.

He grabbed her hair again, the thick material of his sleeve scratching against her forehead and then slammed the back of her head against the still sparking console. Black dots started to line her vision as Theia struggled to remove his bony hand from her hair as his fingernails started to cut into her scalp. His hips canted down, pinning hers down to the panel as he, again, slammed her head against the console and she heard the unmistakable ‘crack’ of a button shattering under the weight of her skull.

The twisted metal of the panel was cutting into her back, ripping open the once-cauterized blaster wound and digging into her flesh with jagged edges. A whimper pushed its way pass her lips as her limbs started to feel heavier and heavier. Her fingers were leaden as she continued to pull at his grip on her hair. Her kicks grew shaky and soft as her vision started to blur. 

Something warm started to slide down her neck. 

But then the fingers detangled from her hair—only to wrap around her neck. 

“You’ve ruined everything,” he seethed into her ear. “Everything.” 

The grip on her throat tightened despite her desperate clawing at his sweaty skin. All she could hear was the siren and the blood rushing through her ears. Her vision tunneled and all she could see was the officer’s beady eyes. 

It felt as if her lungs had caught fire. She couldn’t pull in air. 

She couldn’t hear the siren anymore. And the pulse ringing in her ears had started to slow. 

But then the officer was ripped away from her, the chill of the morning air fell over her like a waterfall as her bloody and beaten body slid off the console onto the floorboards of the shuttle in a heap of sagged limbs. Theia heard a noise—a series of blaster shots?—before warm, calloused hands gently cupped her face. 

Her vision cleared for a moment and she caught sight of warm, brown eyes and pink, bow lips that were moving but she couldn’t understand him. 

The siren wailing came back with a shriek and Thea groaned, unsuccessfully trying to cover her ears. 

“Theia, hey, Theia. You okay?” It was Poe kneeling near her, his eyes blow wide with worry. His dark hair was tousled, and he was still wearing his sleep clothes. “I need you to talk to me, Theia.”

“…hurt,” was the single syllable she was able to force out. 

His shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I see that. I’m going to lift you, okay? Take you to the medbay.” Poe didn’t give her the opportunity to argue as he gently slid his arms around her back and under her legs and easily lifted her up. 

Pain zig-zagged across every nerve and Theia could only whimper as his fingers slid across the wound on her back. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as his boots thudded against the ramp of the hatch. 

Everything was still hazy. Her tongue was near leaden in her mouth. But she needed him to know—“I…didn’t do…it…not bad…” 

Her eyes slid shut just as she heard him murmur, “I know.”

**

She woke a few hours later, in an unfamiliar room, filled with soft, white light, humming machines and a droid who was carefully finishing up the sutures on her side and back. Her hands and feet had been tied to the posts of the bed, even as she was propped up onto her uninjured side.

“Oh, you’re awake,” the droid said, wheeling itself backward. “I must let the General know.” 

Before Theia could protest, or ask what had happened or why she was restrained, the droid had disappeared through the door without a sound. The monitor on her heart was going berserk and Theia bit back a groan as she rolled herself onto her back, trying to ignore the pain that rushed up her back.

Then, Leia, with her long, greying hair pulled and twisted into two braids down her back and a sad expression on her face, stepped forward and Theia resisted the urge to flinch.  
She needed to have courage—courage to face the punishment she was sure to receive. But she couldn’t find it and shut her eyes, waiting for whatever was doled out. 

Theia nearly jumped when she felt soft hands gently cup her cheeks. Her eyes shot open to see the fearsome general smiling down at her. 

“I’m sorry-” Theia started.

“I am so proud of you, Theia,” Leia said as her thumb gently rubbed the bruised skin of her cheek. “You were so brave.” 

Theia could only blink up at her, confusion washing over her like a wave. 

“Surely you know you’ve saved the base, basically the entire Resistance, don’t you?” 

“I…I just didn’t want to go back.” She felt childish and stupid for admitting aloud but she couldn’t stop the words from tumbling past her lips. 

The older woman sighed and removed her hands from Theia’s face as she settled on the edge of the bed. “You will never have to go back, Theia. I promise you that. I will make sure you never have to deal with them again.” 

Unfamiliar stinging started to prick at her eyes and it took a moment for Theia to realize she was crying.

“Why…why am I restrained?” Theia asked through a constricting throat, trying to will the tears to stop. 

The general quickly started untying the fabric with a frown. “You were fighting the droids. I don’t think you meant to but, we just needed to make sure we got you help.” Again, her hand gently touched Theia’s cheek. “I’m so sorry you had to wake up to that. You did nothing wrong. Right now, the entire base is singing your praises, calling you a hero.”

“I-”

“You **are** a hero.” The general’s voice was soft but commanding, killing Theia’s rebuttal before she could form the second syllable. It was quiet in the room for a moment as Theia tried to process Leia’s words but found no way to articulate the warring emotions of confusion and elation. Leia softly explained that the officer had been captured after they were able to break into the shuttle and he was set to be interrogated in a few hours. She also explained that Poe had stayed by her side until Leia ordered him back to his own home for the rest of the morning, telling him he needed to decompress. “I’ve never seen him so frazzled, you know. Kept bothering the medical droids and my poor healers about when you’d wake up. He fought me about the restraints.” Another smile touched Leia’s lips. “He must care for you a great deal.”

This time, Theia was able to put her thoughts into words. “He is more concerned that Finn will implode once he finds out what happened once he gets back from his haul with Chewbacca.” 

Leia tsked and shook her head. “You are stubborn, aren’t you?” She sighed. “I’m letting you leave only because we were able to close that gash on the back of your head and your sutures should hold but you are to come back tomorrow and have them looked over. Am I clear?”

“Crystal, General.” 

With a laugh, Leia excused herself and disappeared out into the hall. 

Theia welcomed the silence in the room again for a moment before biting back a groan and pushing herself up and then off the bed. She was still dressed in her tattered and bloodied clothes and she could smell the antiseptic that had been poured over her. 

The dark sky above her was comforting. She knew it was night—hours had passed since she had fought in the shuttle. 

Theia tried to pull in a breath through her nose as she pressed a hand over the bloody wound. She felt the ridges of her new sutures against the slick surface of her palm and bit back a grimace.

Another scar.

At least this one would be worth something—something more than the rigid regulation of the First Order and the degradation of a solitary trooper. 

The warmth of her blood cooled slowly against her skin as she trudged toward the showers after grabbing a new set of trousers, underclothes, and a shirt from her house. This side of base was blissfully quiet as she turned on the water and she listed to the droplets crashing against the stones for a moment as steam started to rise into the dark sky. The smallest bit of pink had started to paint the horizon as the sun finished its descent. 

Theia dropped her dirtied, bloodied clothes into a heap just outside the stall and stepped under the downpour. Water splashed over her skin and hair and she watched it turn pink as it swirled around her toes for a moment before reaching for the wash and scrubbing it through her hair, needing to feel the blood off her scalp. Pain licked at her nerves when her fingers brushed against the freshly-closed gash on the back of her head. It was obviously smaller and straighter than the one on her back, easily cared for by the medbay droids. She sighed and rinsed her hair, ignoring the sting of the bubbles sliding against the wound on her back.

“How’re you feeling?” 

Theia turned at the sound of the voice, letting out a yelp as the suddenly movement pulled at her wound. She winced and spotted Poe standing on the opposite side of the stall, his hair still mussed and dark circles under his eyes. But he managed to smile and Theia was confused at herself when she felt a smile try to push its way onto her lips. “I’m, uh, I’m healing. Thank you.” She paused. “The general told me you were adamant about making sure I was okay. I’ll be sure to let Finn know you were so attentive.”

“I didn’t do it for Finn,” Poe said, his voice hushed and barely heard over the rush of water. It was quiet again, for a moment. “Do you need help…getting the blood off?” 

“What?”

“I had trouble, when I got back from the First Order’s interrogation. I couldn’t reach everything. Do you need help?”

“No.” The single syllable was clipped and Theia pushed herself closer to the stall wall, as if that would help shield her from any sort of gaze sent her way. “Thank you though…” she added as an afterthought. 

Poe nodded and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he murmured something along the lines of, “just let me know if you need anything,” before he turned and started to walk away. 

Theia sighed as she watched him go, the water still turning pink at her feet. And she soon became acutely aware of how she couldn’t actually reach the entirety of the jagged wound without a fear of tearing it open again.

“Dameron!” She called out, her throat instantly stinging in return, the phantom touch of the officer’s fingers still pressing into her skin. 

For a moment, she didn’t think he heard her but Poe stopped and turned. 

“I…uh…I need help.” 

This time, his smile was a little brighter as he walked back toward her. “Um, finish what you can and then throw on your shorts.” He then turned back around, offering Theia a bit of privacy as she tried to finish as much as she could before slipping on the bottom half of her outfit and holding a towel to her chest as her wet hair let small rivulets of water rush down her flushed skin. 

“Ready,” Theia said as she stepped out of the stall, feeling an odd sensation in her stomach—something akin to a rathtar tumbling, if she had to guess.

She heard something rip and saw Poe opening an antiseptic wipe as he stepped closer, circling around toward her back. Poe’s fingers were cold against her flushed skin. She felt the pad of his finger trace along one of the longer scars as it zigged and zagged from her left hip up to the space between her shoulder blades. His breath came out in soft, measured puffs on the back of her neck.

Theia bit her lip, trying to quell the shivers she felt starting to ripple up her spine. The antiseptic bandage had started to tingle and Poe gently peeled it away, letting the cool evening air slide against her newly-mended skin.

“How’s it feel?”

“Better.” She held the towel a little tighter against her chest as she took a breath and turned around to face him. “Thank you.” Unfamiliar heat started to climb over her cheeks as she looked at him, his dark eyes nearly twinkling in the soft starlight.

Eyes shouldn’t twinkle. It almost infuriated her how stupidly good looking he was. And how stupid it made her feel.

“I’m sure the General will want to meet with you. Get a briefing. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll have my comm unit with me if you need anything,” she said in a rush.

She watched his mouth open and close a few times before he let out a loud breath through his nose. “Will you tell me about them?”

“About what?”

“I asked Finn—like you told me to—but he said only you can tell me about yours. I just…” His broad shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry.” 

Theia frowned. And before she could stop herself she answered, “okay. I’ll tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think! And thank you to everyone who commented, kudo'd, and bookmarked. You keep me going, even when my muse abandons me. Please let me know if there are any scenes you would like to read! xx


	7. Chapter 7

Poe appeared at Theia’s door a few hours later, like they had agreed—he was actually a few moments early. In his arms was a bag of food from the cantina and something in a jug she suspected was alcohol with how it glinted in the dying light of the day. 

She wordlessly stepped back and let him in. 

Leia had given Theia the rest of the day off—which Theia tried to fight but quickly conceded when she winced when she turned too fast, trying to keep up with the petite General’s footsteps around the comm center. She had been gently shooed back to her small home and told to rest for a week, or longer if her injuries required it. Finn had also insisted that she rest. He fussed over her for a solid hour before Theia had enough and she needed a nap.

Poe carefully toed off his boots and nudged them together near the door and set down his bag and bottle before turning toward her, looking a little sheepish. 

“So, uh, should we sit?” 

“Whatever you want.” Truthfully, Theia had been hoping that Poe had forgotten when she had agreed to tell him about the ugly scarring on her back and the stories that came with them. Maybe he’d get sidetracked with the upcoming arrival of Chewbacca and Finn back from wherever-they-were with the Jedi. Maybe he’d get so invested in tinkering with his x-wing that he’d lose track of time. Maybe he just didn’t…want to come anymore.

But the galaxy was not on her side. 

Awkwardly, and without grace, Theia plopped down on the side of her small bed and Poe quickly sat down in the one chair beside her table after she waved him toward it. 

“Is there a particular one you want to know about or should I just start talking?”

Poe shrugged. “I just…don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Well, I already am,” Theia said as she rose from the bed, needing to move despite just sitting, and rifled through the bag he had brought and plucked one of the two containers out and settled back onto her bed, popping open the lid and tossing a small bit of bread into her mouth. As she chewed, she watched Poe shuffle a bit on his seat and then glance a few times at the shining, amber liquid in the bottle on the table beside him.

Good. He was uncomfortable too.

“So, what is exactly in that bottle?”

Poe quickly grabbed it. “It’s from Naboo. It’s supposed to taste like honey and flowers—and it’s supposed to be really-”

The words seemed to die on his tongue when Theia reached forward and grabbed it out of his hand. She screwed the cap and sniffed then shrugged when she didn’t smell anything rank or poisonous within the golden waves. Theia tipped it back and drew a large gulp in and swallowed. She wasn’t quite sure what flowers and honey were supposed to taste like but the drink burned all the way down and she would swear she could feel it pooling in the recesses of her stomach.

But almost instantaneously, her head felt a bit lighter, the tips of her fingers tingled. And she threw another bite of bread into her mouth. Glancing up at Poe, she almost smiled.

His mouth was only slightly ajar and his thick eyebrows were knitted together. “I…don’t think you’re supposed to drink it like that.”

“It didn’t come with instructions and I think this will actually make it a bit easier for me.”

“We don’t actually have to do this-”

“No. We do.” Theia wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and handed the bottle over to Poe. “You…deserve to know.”

She had to do this. Dameron believed her when others might have thought she’d “reverted” to a basic instinct to being loyal to the First Order when that hatch opened. But he hadn’t. He had believed her.

Theia squared her shoulders, muttered, “courage—get it over with,” and tried to square her shoulders but it pulled at her sutures.

“Uh, a lot of my memories are a little hazy from when I was younger. But, I can remember watching a group of officers coming back from planets that were loyal to the First Order. They had these little baskets and sometimes I could see the baby’s little hands reaching up, toward the officer that was carrying them. Some cried and cried and cried until they disappeared into the nursery. I assumed they stayed there—that I stayed in the nursery until I could walk. I don’t remember a lot but I do remember this thing called the Box. If I acted up or didn’t understand something, we were all shoved inside. It was tiny. I remember having to curl my legs under myself so I could fit. When we reach a certain age—I can't even remember how young I was--you are made to take a series of tests to figure out where you’d be assigned. One of the tests was seeing natural ability with a blaster. The first few rounds were just firing at a target. The next, loud noises are introduced, the third the instructor would take a switch and hit the back of our legs just as we were about to fire. If you fell, you were disqualified. As the other cadets started to drop, the switch rose from the backs of our legs to our backs, inch by inch.”

“What happened?”

Theia smiled despite the memory. “I just couldn’t seem to miss.” She lifted the hem of her shirt to reveal a faded scar, probably the length of Poe’s trigger finger, right above her hipbone. “The officer didn’t like it. The switch broke and she just…” Theia waved her hand about, searching for the word, “shoved it into my side. And because it was deemed that I deserved the punishment for missing the target, I wasn’t allowed standard medical treatment. It got infected and I had to keep draining it until it finally healed as best it would.” Her finger trailed over the scar again before she tugged the end of her shirt down. “Finn was always getting in trouble when we were younger, you know. Couldn’t hold a blaster properly, couldn’t keep time in a march, giggled when the commanding officer said something he found amusing. That’s how I found him—we got shoved into the Box together one day. He’d been in there for a couple of hours already.” Theia sighed. “He’d been crying; he never has been very adept at hiding how he feels. And after about an hour, I just told him to shut up.” She winced. “I’ve never been good with crying—and he seemed to have a sniffling problem too. He apologized and asked what I was in for. Finn told me he’d been thrown in for accidentally breaking a calcinator during his training. He just kept talking and talking. I think it was so he wouldn’t keep crying. We were friends, I guess, after that. Wasn’t really given a choice.” A small smile pressed at her lips. “Anyway, that’s when more trouble started. I just…hated hearing him cry. And when we were finally pulled out of the box, Finn was so small—in every sense. He was short, skinny.” Theia’s fingers drummed against the bowl she held in her hands. “It was stupid, you know, what I did. I knew the commanding officers knew what I was doing—they knew I was a better cadet than him. He’d fall out of step and I’d trip to make sure that I looked like I caused it. He’d miss a target by a longshot while we were at the range and I’d purposely shoot so poorly that I was send to the box for a week. Stuff like that. But, like I said, they knew. The officers always knew.”

The room was quiet for a moment.

“What happened?” Poe asked quietly.

“I think they wanted to see how far they could push me. Finn would be given tasks during group training that they knew he would fail and they knew I’d take the blame. One commanding officer—I remember her very well, her name was AV-2296. She was fond of this weird weapon—commanding officers weren’t allowed to use blasters so they had to improvise. It looked like a whip, felt like a whip. When Finn would trip and I would trip, she’d make sure to get in a few extra hits before she was called off by another officer.” 

“Did they care about you?”

“Hm? No. I was a good shot, showed some promise in the TIE Fighter program. It wouldn’t be cost efficient to lose me. That’s what I was told. Money was keeping me alive.” Again, Theia reached for the bottled and threw back a gulp. “Speed was always a factor in training.” Almost subconsciously, Theia’s thing fingers trailed up over her hip to slide across her back. “I wasn’t going fast enough when I was learning how to repair the large-scale blasters at the front of the TIE fighter I was assigned. The pilot, who was supposed to be my mentor, grabbed my welding wrench and ran it across my back for taking too long.” She paused, flashes of the man’s apathetic stare as he held the red-hot tool in his hand flittering across her mind. “Burnt skin—that smell tends to stick around for a few days.” Another sigh moved through her and she tore off a piece of bread and balled it up between her fingers. “I don’t think he liked me very much. Kept reporting me to Hux for ‘failure to submit’ but I managed to weasel my way out of a few scrapes.”

“You had meetings with General Hux?”

Theia hummed before tossing the ball of bread into her mouth. She chewed it and swallowed, trying to silently buy herself more time for the questions she knew would tumble out of his mouth sooner or later. “Yeah, he wasn’t exactly my friend. And I wouldn’t really call them meetings. More like interrogations.”

“I’ve had a few of those in the First Order.” A small smile touched his lips before he shook his head and leaned forward, gently pulling the glass bottle from her hands. She tried to ignore how his roughened fingers felt against her own. He took a long pull of the liquor. “Tell you mine if you tell me yours?”

“You go first.”

Theia wanted to roll her eyes. The tingling from earlier had started to increase, her head became a little lighter. Everything felt softer, calmer—easier. It was strange. 

And suddenly her shirt was off. 

Theia held out her hand for the bottle, almost laughing at the bright red hue staining Poe’s cheeks. He fumbled with it before handing the bottle over. Theia took a gulp, a few droplets of the liquor falling onto her chest wrappings. 

Scars were exposed. Twisting and jagged pink and white lines littered her stomach and covered her back and shoulders. Her new sutures stung a bit with the hasty movement but the sweet liquid took the edge off and she took another gulp.

“Hux knew about my protective nature over Finn. Used it against me. He kept threatening Finn, telling me that he’d have Finn killed if I didn’t submit. So, I did everything I could to become the perfect trooper, the perfect TIE pilot. But they were brutal. It was like they wanted to make an example of me and Finn. The beatings got worse when Hux was involved.” Theia set the bottle down, nearly spilling it as her head continued to get lighter and lighter. She moved to turn, giving Poe her back and displaying her scars in the bright light of the room instead of the darkness he had previously spied them in, but ended up collapsing onto her small bed with an ‘oof’ which was quickly followed by giggles. Her food container was long abandoned. 

For a moment, it didn’t matter that her scars were shining in the light. It didn’t matter that Poe was seeing them. It didn’t matter that she still had flashes of her upbringing in the hold of the First Order rushing through her head at uneven intervals. 

Poe jumped to her side, his dark eyes a little wide. “You okay?”

“That juice makes me feel funny.” She giggled again and grabbed his hand with her own and managed to place his warm hand against her back, holding it there with a strange, soft smile as she looked at him as he settled onto the edge of her bed. “Most of these are from Hux, you know.” Theia’s voice was airy, her eyelids suddenly feeling heavy “And, uh, did you know that Commander Ren hacks at the command stations when he doesn’t get his way. Hux would throw me against it when he was angry. Slap me around, push me down, to make sure I was hurt. I would bleed and bleed and bleed—all over the place. Finn learned how to help me, tried to learn how to sew me up. He kept saving my life—he said it was payback.” Theia’s fingers slipped off of Poe’s hand but her smile continued to grow as she felt his fingers tracing over the raised ridges of the menagerie of scars across her back. It was soft, light. 

Theia looked up at him to see his dark eyes filled with sadness. 

“What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t deserve any of this.”

“I’ve done terrible things, Poe.”

“No one deserves this, Theia.” His fingers continued to trace across her skin. “Not you.” 

Her eyes continued to grow heavier. “Are you going to tell me about yours?” She weakly pulled at his shirt with a smile. “That was our deal.” 

Poe chuckled and pulled his shirt off. A few pinked scars zig-zagged across his chest and seemed to go over his shoulders to his back. Carefully, he grabbed her hand and had her trace over the large scar stretching from his left pec to his right collar bone. His stories were filled with childhood antics and heroic acts from his time fighting for the New Republic and Resistance. But one scar, the one bisecting his left side from his ribs to his hips, was the story of his interrogation by the First Order. And somewhere in between stories, Theia had managed to pull Poe onto her tiny bed and they continued to trace each other’s scars, minds hazy with alcohol. Words were hushed. The light above began to dim in time with the sun until they were left in darkness with fingers trailing along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who let me know you like this story. I really am hitting a bit of a block with this story so I might need to take a break, I don't know. But I'll try to push through. Thanks for sticking with me. Y'all are the best. xx


	8. Chapter 8

Theia woke first. The sun’s first few rays were starting to poke through the thin curtains at her window and filling her small home with soft light. Warmth was surrounding her—not unpleasantly. She turned and saw how Poe had nestled himself beside her. His dark hair was mussed and his full lips were parted slightly. He was on his stomach on her tiny bed, one arm slung over her waist.

Comfort—that was the only way she could describe it. The aching in her head was dimming with each passing moment but she made a note to not drink anything like that ever again. Theia glanced at the clock and winced. She had made another appointment at the medbay to have her sutures looked at and she was almost late. Carefully, she pushed Poe’s arm back to his side and slid away from him, the chilled air of the room instantly sinking into her skin. A bit of pain shot through her back when she twisted around, searching for the clothes she had abandoned during the night.

Perhaps she should have been a bit embarrassed for how she had acted last night—but she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face, even as the pain continued to throb when she pulled on her tunic. She slipped out the door after finding her trousers and shoes.

Fog had nestled over the tawny landscape of the base which was slowly starting to hum with life in the early morning. The medbay was still quiet when she arrived. The healer tutted over the state of her sutures but otherwise gave her a clean bill of health after telling her to rest for the remainder of the week before reporting for duty again. Theia tried to argue but she had been thwarted by the healer’s quick fingers, sending a message to General Organa on her communicator before Theia could even get a few syllables to form. With a sigh, Theia slid off the cot and started to trudge back toward her barracks, passing by the hangar on the way. It was then that she caught sight of the familiar Millennium Falcon the hatch opened and a familiar face appeared.

Theia wasn’t even able to get a syllable out of her mouth before Finn had his arms wrapped around her in a tight hug, his face pressed into her neck. She didn’t worry about the slight pull she felt on her stitches and returned the hug just as fiercely. 

“Don’t do that.” Finn’s words were muffled against her skin. He finally lightened his hold her just a fraction so he could raise his head and look at her, to see the bruises on her face and the slight pallor to her skin. “Don’t ever do that again.” 

Theia smiled and shook her head. “You’re one to talk. You’re more reckless than I am.” The pair of them walked quietly back to her barracks. Theia didn’t say anything as she noticed Poe was no longer in her bed, her blankets neatly folded and pillows fluffed as if he had never even been in there. 

Finn pulled her close again, for just a moment longer, before gently shuffling her toward a chair and sitting across from her. He hadn’t tried to pry the story out of her last night and she knew this was coming. “Tell me what happened.”

And she did, keeping her voice hushed and level. Attempting to gloss over most of the details to spare him sort of grief. She knew Finn carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders for some reason she couldn’t comprehend and she didn’t want to add to it. “But I’m okay,” Theia added, reaching out to touch his hand. “Poe got to me. And they patched me up. I’ll even be allowed to fly again in a couple of days.” 

Finn shook his head. “I should’ve been here.”

“And what would you have done, Finn? He knew when I was vulnerable and when the base was in between shifts. It wouldn’t have played out any differently if you were here. It’s okay. You were out doing what you are supposed to do for the Resistance.” 

“But-”

“No, Finn. Don’t do that. Don’t try to somehow blame yourself for something you had no control over.” She sighed and gripped his hand a little tighter. “I only fought that hard because I was scared. I know I told you over and over again to be brave, to have courage, but all I could do was think about not going back. I needed everyone to know that I didn’t betray the Resistance. And there was no way I was going to let him just fly me back to the First Order.” 

“You almost died, Theia.”

A bitter smile touched her lips. “Well, that was better than the alternative.” 

Finn shook his head again and now he was the one with a crushing grip on her hand. “Don’t say that.” 

“You know it’s true.” 

His head dropped. “I do. Doesn’t mean I like it.” 

They were quiet for a moment, just filling the room with the sounds of their gentle breathing as they held each other’s hands. “I made Dameron promise me something.” 

“Huh?”

“When I went to Corellia with him, I made him promise me something. I made him promise to kill me if I was going to be captured by the First Order.” 

“Theia-”

“And I told him you would understand. You do, don’t you? You understand?” 

“I don’t want to. But, yes, I do understand.” 

Again, silence reigned in the small room. Finn held her hand a little tighter. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes but he was trying. And she loved him for it. 

“Have you ever had that Naboo drink?” Theia suddenly asked as she spied the half-empty bottle still on her table. 

And that is how Theia found herself stumbling out of her barracks, Finn in tow, and giggles spouting from their lips as they clung together, nearly falling into the grass just outside her stoop. 

“It isn’t even lunch time,” a voice halfheartedly chided to their right. 

Theia’s head whipped around—a bit too fast as her vision started to blur—and she saw the hazy figure of Poe just beside her. His hands were on his hips and seemed to be fighting a smile. “Poe!” She shouted, and then winced. “My head hurts!”

He chuckled. “Well, you were probably hungover and then drinking more doesn’t actually help.” Poe looked around to see if anyone was looking at them just as Finn slipped out of Theia’s grip and onto the grass with a loud giggle. Poe quickly helped him back up to his feet. “You good?”

“I feel amazing!” Finn responded. 

The captain shook his head and looked at Theia. “You’re trouble.” 

She could only giggle.

When Theia woke up from a nap she didn’t remember taking, her mouth was dry and her head was still pounding but decidedly less so now. She groaned and rolled over, pressing her face into the pillow and tried to wet her gums as she pulled in a breath but she was, instead, suddenly surrounded by the familiar scent of spices and engine oil. Theia shot up in bed and managed to keep the contents of her stomach down when the room started to spin. 

The door to the room opened and Poe stepped inside, quietly shutting the door behind him. The bed dipped as he sat beside her, pressing a bottle of water into her clammy hands. “How’re you feeling?”

“Strange,” was all Theia was able to croak out before quickly uncapping the bottle and taking a large gulp.

“Sip it! You’re supposed to sip it!” Poe said with a slight chuckle, his warm hand overtaking hers, easing the bottle away from her mouth. “You don’t want to have it coming back up. Trust me.” 

Theia took smaller, measured sips of water, Poe’s hands still covering her own until she pushed the bottle away, feeling very much like an infant. “Thanks. Um, am…am I in your bed?”

Poe’s crooked smile once again made her chest ache in the strangest way. “You are. Sorry. When I tried to wrangle you and Finn back into your room to sleep it off, you thought we were playing a game, I think. Chased you all over the base. Finn didn’t last very long. I finally caught you when you managed to sneak in here, thinking it was one of the empty rooms. You just didn’t want to move. It didn’t bother me at all. I thought it was best that you get some sleep anyway. I got an earful from the General about letting you and Finn get drunk—more so about you because you’re still on the mend.” He sighed and his fingers trailed across her hand as they rested together on his bed coverings. “Finn’s sleeping it off back in his own bed. He was a bit easier to move.” 

“Stars, sorry.” 

Poe shook his head and pressed the bottle of water back into her hands. “Don’t worry about it. My first adventure with Corellian Rum went much worse. And it was nice, you know, to hear you laugh like that.” He watched her for a moment, sipping on the water as she tried not to look at him, feeling a raging embarrassment curl in her gut. His fingers brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead as he frowned. “You’re still really warm. Have you gone to your appointment?” 

“Yeah, but I think I might’ve pulled something loose,” Theia mumbled. 

Poe laughed but quickly stopped when Theia winced at the sound. “C’mon, let’s get you checked out.” He stood and held out a hand for her to take and helped her to her feet. As she started to pull her hand away, his fingers tightened around hers, keeping her hand firmly in his. She tugged once, then twice, but then gave up, trying to figure out if she liked the pressure of his hand over hers. 

She did. 

She did. 

She did. 

The healer back in medical was less than pleased to see her again so soon and ‘tsked’ when she spied Theia’s opened wounds. 

“Wait here. I’ll get you something for your headache.” The healer walked out of the room with a roll of her eyes, leaving Theia and Poe alone. 

Questions were starting to bubble in her throat. But then she heard the telltale beep of a communicator and watched Poe step out into the hallway. 

He didn’t come back. 

Theia took the medicine she was handed and silently let the healer resew her wounds again. She stepped out of the medical wing with a frown. She didn’t like feeling like this. But she wasn’t sure what ‘this’ was, exactly. 

The base was abuzz with commotion. Officers were running to and from the commander center, star ships were leaving the tarmac at alarming speeds, the screeching of the worn engines was ringing in the afternoon air. 

“What’s going on?” Theia asked, grabbing the nearest officer by the arm. 

“Someone blew up the factory in the Works. The First Order won’t be able to finish their new Death Star for a long time. We want to try and strike while they’re scrambling.” The officer pulled away and Theia quickly walked toward the hangar, seeing her own starship in the shadows. She had to help, had to fight. 

But someone stepped right in front of her. 

“General, I-”

“You are going straight back to your barracks, Captain. You are supposed to be on bedrest.”

“But, the squadron is getting called and-”

“And you will be here to greet them when they return. Am I making myself clear?”

Theia deflated, shoulder slumping, accidentally pulling at her sutures. “Yes, ma’am.” 

Leia nodded once. “Good. Now, I want you back in your barracks, immediately. I’ll be sure to have plenty of water sent in, you must be parched.” With a wink, the fearsome and petite general disappeared into the crowd, leaving Theia alone on the tarmac for a moment with a violent blush staining her cheeks. 

She trudged back to her barracks after nearly colliding with a sprinting Jessika and found herself feeling very strange—useless. Was this a test? Surely, she needed to prove her usefulness to the Resistance so she wouldn’t be cast out. After all, wasn’t she only useful if she could fly and fight? 

Her door slid open and she quickly slumped against the pillows on her bed, ignoring the dull ache on her back when her sutures tightened in protest. What did, however, gain her attention was the scratchy noise of paper against her hair. Theia blindly reached for the offending paper and pulled it out from beneath her head. 

In a light, slanted scribble, it read:

_Theia-_  
Please get some rest. You’ve earned it.   
Don’t overthink this. We’ll be back!  
(Seriously, get some rest.)  
-Poe 

Theia found herself smiling and she pulled the note a little closer before tucking it under her pillow and attempting to get some sleep.

**

Days passed. The base soon quieted back down, mildly victorious as they were able to successfully discover other First Order bases and subdue them through a series of attacks and learned that several planets supposedly loyal to the First Order were actually actively rebelling. Her wounds were slowly healing and she was finally allowed to leave her barracks without General Organa or Finn chiding her until she went back to bed.

As Theia slid through the cantina, happy to see only a few other souls in the small space and spotted Kaydel Connix at her usual table toward the back. 

Kaydel offered a broad smile as Theia slid across from her. “The hero of the moment arrives. How’re you feeling?” She reached across the table and placed her hand on Theia’s, squeezing it lightly before resuming devouring her food. “Need anything?”

Theia was a bit frazzled; being called a hero had thrown her through a loop and she tried to sort her thoughts before opening her mouth. “No, um, I’m fine. The healers said to keep an eye on it but…” She drifted off, not really sure how to explain everything.

Kaydel took her bite of food and swallowed before leaning across the table. “So, are you going to tell me about how Captain Dameron was seen sneaking out of your quarters just a few days ago?”

“Uh-”

“You two would be cute. I like it. I like you two together. It is good see him happy. He was hung up on this other woman for a while. She and the captain and a brief flirtation. And by brief I mean brief. I think he only liked her because she saved his life a few times. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely person. I’m privileged to call her a friend—but she and Dameron would’ve been disastrous. She always seemed just a bit uncomfortable around him and he was just too lovestruck to see it, I think. She left on a mission a couple of months ago. Didn’t look back.” She took another bite of food and shook her head. “Like I said, I like the two of you together. You know, she had red hair too. Maybe he has a thing for redheads.” 

Theia shook her head again trying to make sense of Kaydel’s rambling monologue. “I just, um, you think I’m a replacement for her?” 

Kaydel threw down her utensils down and once again reached across the table to grab at Theia’s hand, ignoring how her sleeve was probably now drenched in the goop of Theia’s food. “Listen to me, you are not a replacement. People aren’t replaceable. You and Poe don’t have to be anything more than friends. Don’t let someone else dictate how you live your life.” She squeezed Theia’s hands tightly for a moment. “That’s not your life anymore.”

The pair at in peace for a little bit before Kaydel got a dangerous glint in her eye. “You know, his squadron—I guess it’s your squadron now too—is due back today.”

“Kaydel-”

The blonde held up her hands with a smile. “Fine. Fine.”

They finished their meal with simple conversation, mostly relating to how more planets were sending secret envoys to the Resistance to try and form a stronger alliance, before they went on their separate ways. She had heard a fleet of X-Wings approaching. Theia walked to the tarmac and watched as the last starship landed. Jessika was on her in a moment, giggling and nearly dragging her to the ground as she pounced and hugged. 

“You’re out of hiding!” Jessika said, final pulling off her helmet. Her sweaty hair was matted to her forehead for just a moment before she pulled up into a lopsided bun. “That means you’ll be able to go out with us next time, right? We really could’ve used you out there, you know.”

“I promise I’ll be on the next one.” 

“Good! I want to show you that I can finally do that hairpin-turn-barrel-roll you taught me.” 

Theia smiled and watched Jessika as she basically bounced back toward her starship, speaking rapidly with the attending mechanic. 

“She’s right you know.” Theia turned and saw Poe suddenly standing beside her. The top half of his flight suit was unzipped and tied haphazardly around his waist. “We could’ve used you out there.” 

She sighed. “I would’ve been out there with you if General Organa hadn’t…you know, been General Organa.” (It had been strange for Theia to realize the Resistance actually did care about her wellbeing. There had been far too many missions to count for the First Order when she had broken bones, half-healed and wrapped, one eye half or completely swollen shut, blood pouring from various maladies, or blaster burns left untreated and she was still told to report, to do her duty. And any sort of resentment or sadness she had felt toward Poe for leaving on this mission without saying goodbye had faded as soon as she saw his smile. And she had understood—the mission always came first.)

Poe just laughed and quickly filled her in on what she had missed. “I really think your training has paid off. We were able to see a few of their maneuvers before they even started and it kept damages to a minimum on our side.”

“Anyone get hurt?”

“Muva got jostled a bit when he took a hit, nothing too serious. He’ll be okay.” Poe smiled and his hand slowly reached out and grasped hers before he squeezed it gently. “The General let me know that you’ve been trying to escape your bedrest order. You need to heal, too.”

Theia smiled. “I promise I’m fine. I even got the all clear earlier this morning. I’ll be back to harassing you and taking your spot as the Resistance’s best pilot tomorrow before you even finish your breakfast.”

Poe’s eyes bugled for a moment before he doubled over in a fit of laughter. “So that’s how it is, huh? I worry about you the whole time I’m gone, and you tell me you’re the better pilot just seconds after seeing me?” 

Theia felt the smile split her face as she reached out, a little tentatively, to grasp one of his hands. “C’mon. They have your favorite out at the cantina.”

**

And that was how they continued. Soft smiles and gentle but fleeting touches. Theia tried to treat him like Finn, like a friend and confidant. Or like Kaydel and Jessika; someone she could easily speak with without fear of judgement.

But it felt different. No matter how hard she told herself that Poe was a friend—a friend—a friend…it was different. Missions and training frequently brought them together and Theia found herself thankful for the private channel Poe set up between their X-Wings so they could talk without the other pilots eavesdropping. 

It was like they never stopped talking after their conversation in her barracks. She wanted to talk to him but still found it difficult to open up, wondering if she was phrasing how she felt correctly, or if he even wanted to hear what was coming out of her mouth. There was still a nagging voice at the back of her head that relentlessly told her that no one could actually care about what she was saying. 

But Theia tried and pushed the voice away as often as she could and maybe clung a little tighter to Finn, trained the other pilots more, volunteered for more missions, tried to find ways just to be around Poe. Theia liked the way she felt around him. It was easy, she thought, to just be around him. There weren’t any expectations to be fulfilled, no mission objectives to be completed. It was existing beside him. 

“You know,” Poe’s voice crackled over the comm unit as their starships drew closer to Scarif, “I think you’re my good luck charm.” 

Theia snorted and adjusted her scanners, thankful that no one could see the heat she felt rushing over her face from the safety of the cockpit. “How so? You got shot last time we were out on Bespin.” 

“It was a graze. Again, that’s just making me think you’re my lucky charm.”

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“But you aren’t denying it.” 

The console of her starship beeped as they neared the planet’s gravitational pull. “I have learned you are very hard to argue with.”

“So, you’re admitting I’m right,” Poe said, the smugness of his tone coming through without issue. 

“I’m admitting you’re stubborn.” 

He laughed and they quickly landed on the sandy landing pad near the main base after Poe quickly spoke with the ground command of the base and they de-cloaked their starships. Theia sighed as she adjusted her hair, wiping the sweat-matted strands away from her forehead and back into the braid she had wrangled it into back on Tanaab. Poe slung an arm over her shoulder as they walked toward the large, looming structure in front of them. Theia had found that Poe was very physically affectionate. He liked to have his friends close; rubbing elbows, arms thrown over shoulders, fingers knocking together as they walked side by side. It had taken some getting used to, the feeling of constant friendliness without needing to worry if she was going to be reported. Hugs with Finn back in the First Order had been hidden and infrequent so she secretly relished in any sort of touch Finn, Poe, Kaydel, and Jessika doled out. But it felt different with Poe. There seemed to be an extra jolt of warmth that would course through her when his roughened hands would slide across her skin. 

Again, Theia just choked it up to confusing amiability with something else. 

“You ever been to Scarif?” Poe asked, pulling her a bit closer. 

Theia’s eyes shot around the white, sandy beaches, tall palm trees, and endless blue sky of the planet before shaking her head. 

Poe smiled. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. Actually, this makes perfect sense that you’re here.” 

“Why?”

“You’ve heard about Rogue One, right?” 

Theia frowned. “’course. General Organa has that gigantic plaque in the command center for it.” 

Poe nodded. “This is where it happened.” 

Theia’s frown deepened and looked up at the large structure. 

“C’mon, I know you’ve been reading everything you can get your hands on about the Rebellion.” 

Heat quickly ran up her neck as Theia ducked her head. She thought she had hidden her newfound hobby well. She had squirrelled away every holobook she could find on the Rebellion—at least, the books she could find that were written by the Rebellion. She’d had her fair share of the propaganda from the remnants of the Empire and wanted to know the truth. She wanted to know everything. 

Poe chuckled and pulled her a little closer, tugging at the end of her braid. “Well, it all started with an imperial pilot named Bodhi Rook. He had befriended Galen Erso, the architect of the Death Star.” Poe continued as he led Theia toward the large, metal door nearest the landing pad. “Erso had figured out that the best way to fight the Empire was from the inside. I’m sure you heard about how Skywalker took down the first Death Star, right? Because of a small weakness Erso had imbedded into the mechanics, Skywalker was able to give the Rebellion the edge they needed to win the war. But, in order to make sure his cover wasn’t blown, he needed to get the message out. He chose Rook. Rook then teamed up with Erso’s daughter, Jyn, and Cassian Andor—the best intelligence officer in the Rebellion. They knew they had to get the schematics of the Death Star to the Rebellion and they were housed here, in what was one of the strongholds of the Empire—they stored everything here; base plans, blue prints, clone registries—everything. Well, Rook stole a ship, loaded everyone up, and they flew here.” Poe sighed as he punched in his code at the door and it swung open with a groan. “It was a bloodbath.” He pulled her a little closer. “All of them died but not before they were able to transmit the Death Star schematics to the Rebellion.” 

“Oh,” Theia said, finding it hard to know what to say. 

The hallway they stepped into was brightly lit and spacious, a stark difference to the strange emotions she felt starting to stir. 

“That’s, um, probably why General Organa trusted you basically immediately. She knew the Rogue One team personally. She knew that the Rebellion would be gone and buried without them. She knew the Resistance would also probably need defectors to be successful.” 

Theia nodded as thoughts started to run and tumble through her mind. Did they really only see her as a means to an end? Or did they care for her? Theia opened her mouth, wanting to ask, but quickly shut it as someone walked up to them. Poe’s arm dropped from around her shoulders. 

“Captain Dameron, Captain…uh…” The man drifted off, his eyes widening slightly as he realized he didn’t know how to address Theia. 

“Just ‘Captain’ is fine,” she muttered, feeling her cheeks heat as she averted her gaze. 

The man cleared his throat and nodded. “It’s this way.” He then turned on his heel and started to speed walk down the glistening hallway, boots slapping against the dark flooring.   
Theia nearly jumped as she felt Poe’s roughened fingers slide across her palm before tangling with hers, tugging her a little closer. “We need to work on that. Can’t just be Theia forever, right?” 

Her shoulders fell from around her ears, releasing tension she didn’t even know she was holding. “Yeah, maybe.” She felt Poe squeeze her hand and those pleasant tingles erupted in her system again. “Theia Dameron?” She asked. 

Poe let out a noise like he choked on his breath. “U-um, yeah, maybe.”

They continued to follow the man through the labyrinthine mess of halls of the base. Their fingers were barely tangled now, only just brushing against each other. But it was enough to keep Theia’s mind from racing.

The three of them eventually stopped at another door which was guarded by two more men armed with large blasters. Their guide nodded and they stepped aside, letting him enter a code into the pad near the door which then opened with a whoosh. Inside was a smattering of glowing technology and a few men and women, draped in expensive-looking garbs, huddled around a command station, similar to the one on Tanaab. 

One of the men, an older Twi’lek with royal blue lekku, noticed them first and stood straight, a small smile touching his thin lips. “Ah, Captains, I am so pleased to see you made it.” The rest of the officers—at least that was what Theia supposed they would be—turned to look at them. “I assume the journey was pleasant and not too exciting?” 

It was only then that Poe fully pulled away from Theia to grab the man’s outstretched hand in a firm handshake. “Yes, sir. Not an issue in sight.” 

The Twi’lek man glanced at Theia, his brow furrowed for a moment before he looked away and was handed a data drive. “Good. I assume you know how imperative it is for these plans to get back to General Organa. It was a miracle we were able to find anything from the ruins of the old base and it would be all for naught if they were intercepted now.”

“Of course,” Poe answered, carefully pocketing the drive. “We were able to land cloaked and we will uncloak when we reach the next planet over to keep this base undiscovered.”  
The man nodded, knowing the standard procedure, but then glanced at Theia. “I assume you know the regulations as well?”

Theia bristled at the sneer working its way across the blue lips and clenched her jaw. Her fists balled at her sides before she felt Poe’s hand slowly slide down her back. 

“Theia is one of the finest captains the Resistance has. I trust her with my life.” 

That wasn’t the answer to the question but the Twi’lek seemed nonplussed and quickly dismissed them. Poe and Theia walked back out of command center and onto the sandy beaches of the largely uninhabited planet. Theia sucked in a breath, liking how the sale in the air stung the back of her throat. 

“I’m sorry he was rude,” Poe muttered, scratching the back of his neck with a wince. “I heard he’s terrible to basically everyone.” 

“He wasn’t rude to you,” Theia said as she grabbed her helmet off its hook on the outside of her ship. 

“I-”

Theia waved her hand, cutting off Poe’s reply. “Don’t worry about it. Okay? Let’s just get back to base. I think they’re serving that sweet stuff you like for dessert.” 

Poe’s usually bright smile worked its way across his face and he nodded before he reached out and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it once before turning back toward his own ship. 

The pair of them were quickly loaded up into their ships and Poe requested the shields around the planet as they cloaked their ships. The takeoff was easy and they were soon sailing among the stars, following the plan of not revealing themselves or hitting lightspeed until they were safely away from Scarif. 

Theia watched one of the engines on the back of Poe’s X-Wing start to fade, the bright orange glow of the thruster dulling before firing up again, over and over again. 

“Poe? Are you getting any strange readings on your rear engine?”

She heard him sigh. “Yeah. It looks like I might have a fuselage lodge going out if my instincts serve me right.” He sighed. “Rishi is just to clicks further. It is a neutral zone, for the most part. If you want to go ahead-”

“I’m staying with you. After all, I’m your good luck charm, aren’t I?”

Poe laughed. 

They easily hailed their way onto the tropical, bustling planet and landed on the nearest available landing pad. Poe jumped out of his X-Wing first, already lugging his toolbox behind him as BB-8 beeped happily beside him. 

Theia looked up at her own assigned droid, an older R-9 unit, R9-B7. He beeped a question and Theia shook her head. “BB-8 has it handled.” She watched Poe and BB-8 work in tandem on the engine as she leaned against her quickly-cooling X-Wing, her helmet tucked beneath her arm. She was still trying to acclimate to the close relationship she was supposed to have with her droid. Usually droids were hauled away for preventative maintenance as soon as they landed in the First Order. Others, older units mostly, were sometimes used as moving target practice with trainees. To see them so lovingly cared for and relied upon was yet another adjustment, yet another reminder to how cruel the First Order could be to everyone and everything. 

Rishi was a planet frequented by bounty hunters and pirates alike. The only things most travelers and residents had in common was the distrust of authority and regulations. While it was a tropical planet, harsh, sharp metal structures made up the lively city. Humans, Rishii, and Twi’lek were selling their wares, bartering loudly in the streets or setting up plots in the shadows of the alleys.

Poe frowned and pulled out the trouble –causing fuselage. BB-8 beeped indignantly at his side. 

“What is it?”

He scratched his head, smearing grease across his skin in the process. “This thing is perfectly fine. It was just…loose.”

Theia froze and suddenly became hyper aware of the large amount of people and weaponry surrounding them by the landing bay. “We need to go. Now.” 

BB-8 beeped an agreement and Poe quickly went to replace the fuselage as Theia pulled her helmet back over her hair and grabbed the side of her ship to haul herself up. R9 let out a series of rapid beeps right before Theia felt the familiar heat of a blaster bolt slide right by her cheek and imbed itself into the side of her ship. She lost her balance and slammed onto the landing pad, punching the wind out of her lungs. The blaster shots continued to rain down on the landing pad as she managed to roll under her ship and grab one of her smaller blasters from her holster. Theia looked over to see Poe pressed up against the side of his X-Wing, his blaster also un-holstered as BB-8 took cover behind one of the legs of the landing gear. 

“They’re on the roof!” Poe told her, pointing to the building behind the landing pad. 

Theia rolled to the other side of her ship and found cover behind the cockpit and wing. R9 relayed the positions of the shooters. 

“Troopers?” Theia grunted, another blaster bolt nearly grazing her shoulder. 

R9 affirmed her suspicions. 

Theia checked her ammo and frowned. She had forgotten to top up at the base—not thinking that they’d be cornered on an unfamiliar planet. She rolled her shoulders once, twice. “Courage, courage, courage,” she chanted before turning and taking aim at the shooters. There were fifteen of them but Poe and Theia had the advantage of being able to stall and hide behind their starships between shots. One by one, the troopers fell. Some plummeted to the landing pad, their armor shattering into millions of white shards only to be washed over vermillion waves. 

Aim for the neck. 

Shoot. 

Shoot.

Shoot.

Shoot.

BB-8 was the first to come out from under the cover of the X-Wing when the last trooper fell. The droid chirped happily and Theia felt a small bit of ease wash over her, letting her shoulders drop from around her ears. 

“I thought this was a neutral planet?” Theia asked, rolling her shoulders. 

“It is,” Poe said, holstering his blaster and patting BB-8 before the droid went to be loaded back into Poe’s X-Wing. Poe shook his head. “I don’t like this.” He looked up at the roof where the bodies of the troopers were still seen, sunlight glinting off the shining white armor. “Let’s get out of here.”

Theia nodded in agreement and walked around to the other side of her starship and went to pull down the ladder to help her back into the cockpit. Poe was quickly settled into his own ship and he turned to Theia who waved him on, gesturing him to take off as she got settled. The fight was over. And Theia needed a moment or two to process the shootout, knowing she had probably at least shared a meal with a few of the troopers she had gunned down. Just a few moments without Poe’s scratchy, melodic voice in her ear to clear her head, suppress anything she thought would get her into trouble, and then carry on. Just a few moments to herself. 

She settled down into her seat and buckled in as Poe’s engine’s fired up and he slowly lifted off the tarmac. After pulling on her helmet, Theia fired up the engines just as R-9 was comfortably loaded into the back. 

Theia took a moment to breathe, slowly in, slowly out. She didn’t look just outside her window and attempted to clear her mind, focusing on how she was going to phrase the mission’s mishap to General Organa. 

The first shot took out the right engine. 

The second took out the left. 

R-9 squealed out in alarm but was quickly silenced by another shot. “R-9!” Theia screamed, scrambling for her blaster as she through off the safety buckles. 

“Theia?” Poe’s voice crackled through the comm line.

“Poe, there’s more here. My ship is-” The rest of her sentence was cut off as a well-aimed blaster shot effectively took out any and all communications from her ship. Theia hurriedly through open the hatch for the cockpit and jumped out. Her blaster was held tight in her hand as the smoke from her ruined starship clouded her sight. It was as if the entire landing pad was now shrouded in dark, grey clouds, suffocating the light.

She heard the telltale sound of boots slapping against concrete. Blindly, she shot out into the smoke, trying to take out at least a few of them before she was caught. She didn’t know how many there were but she’d be damned if she didn’t go down without a fight. The clatter of armor hitting the ground was beautiful. But the miniscule amount of relief she had felt from the sound was quickly wiped away when her blaster was shot out of her hand. One of the troopers kicked the back of her knee, sending her to the pavement with a grunt. Gloved hands quickly grabbed her shoulders, bony fingers digging into her skin. The barrel of a blaster was pressed against the center of her forehead. 

“Where is your base?” The trooper asked, emerging from the smoke like a phantom. 

Theia stared up at the expressionless mask of the trooper and didn’t blink, ignoring the sting of the smoke clouding her vision. She wouldn’t divulge anything. They would get nothing. 

The trooper behind her tightened their grip on her shoulders. 

“Where is the Captain?” 

Silence. 

She could hear the faint murmur of Poe’s X-Wing get softer and softer and she tried to fight a smile. He would tell Finn what happened. It would be okay. They’d have each other—and Finn would have Rey, too—and they’d be okay. 

Her head suddenly whipped to side as the trooper used the butt of his blaster as a bat against her cheek. Blood filled her mouth and she swallowed it, choking back a groan as pain tore through her face and then receded to her temple where it pounded in time with her heartbeat. 

“Traitor scum is probably scared.” This was punctuated by another hit of the blaster. Theia felt the crack of her cheekbone as her eyes started to roll back in her head. The only thing keeping her upright was the grip the other trooper had on her shoulders, which they abandoned to grab at her hair when his hold kept slipping. “Let’s give her something to be scared of. Yeah? Let’s drag her back to hell.” 

And that was when she couldn’t tell herself to have any sort of courage. It felt her body as she was hefted to her feet without care. 

She was being brought back. She was going to face the First Order. 

Theia pulled away from the trooper, digging her heels into the tarmac below her only to have her braid once-again grabbed by the trooper. Several strands ripped from their roots before she was thrown onto her stomach, followed by a boot to her ribs. 

And another.

And another.

And another. 

Blood was roaring through her ears. She felt the ribs crack as she tried to curl into herself, protecting her ribs and face with her legs and arms only to have those, too, kicked without care. The edges of her vision were going dark as she stared up at the cloudless blue sky above her as the metallic tang of blood started to fill her mouth, painting her teeth a bright crimson. 

Her head lulled to the side as her breaths grew shallow, unable to pull in air. And that’s when she saw Poe, hiding behind her X-Wing, blasters drawn. He was easily outnumbered. It was stupid. There was no way he was going to be able to take them all on. 

Again, she was lifted to her feet only to have her legs give way and the troopers were forced to start dragging her toward their own starship, freshly landed on the next pad over, as she weakly pulled against their hold. 

“She’s not even begging,” one of them sneered behind their helmet. “Maybe she does actually want to go home.” They laughed.

What would be the point of begging? They had been taught to show no mercy. To ignore any sort of plea for mercy. There were twelve troopers remaining, most still posted near the hatch of their ship, blasters at the ready. Clearly outnumbered. 

Poe slid along the side of her smoking ship and raised one of his blasters.

Her heart leapt into her throat when she spotted him through the thick haze of smoke, fear and happiness gripping her at the same time. There was no way for her to tell him not to do something without alerting the troopers to Poe’s presence. And maybe it was the adrenaline, the endorphins kicking through her system to combat the pain of her broken ribs and cheekbone…but Theia saw only one option. 

Do something stupid. 

Summoning strength she didn’t knew she had, Theia planted her feet and jabbed and elbow into the uncovered neck of one trooper, causing him to stumble. She grabbed his blaster and shot the other trooper who still had a hold on her arm before taking aim at the others who quickly returned fire. Poe soon emerged from his vantage pointed and released a barrage of blaster bolts on the troopers who were largely caught off guard with his reappearance. 

The red light from the shots turned the landing pad into a haze of red smoke. Wind carried the smoke and hid the troopers from their sight as she shot blindly for the second time that day, stumbling backward to where she last saw Poe. She pressed down on the trigger of her blaster and let out a torrent of shots, spraying the smoke where she hoped the troopers were still standing. The roar of blood through her ears didn’t allow her to hear the dull thuds of bodies hitting the ground or of armor splintering under the bolt. She held the trigger down until it clicked—empty. That was when she stumbled into Poe, her back finding him and Theia heard that familiar chuckle as his arm slid around her waist, tugging her to his side with ease. 

“I can’t take you anywhere, can I?”

A lone trooper ran at them from the smoke and managed to fire off a shot at Poe, hitting him right in the stomach before Poe took him down. Poe stumbled to his knees just as the smoke from the burning X-Wing engines cleared and Theia was left to see the bodies of the troopers across the landing pad. 

All of them were dead. 

Poe collapsed from his knees down to his back and Theia hurriedly put pressure on the wound and glared down at him. “What were you thinking?” 

“I didn’t-”

“You didn’t trust me. I knew what was going to happen. Now you’ve been shot. It would’ve been easier if you had just shot me like I told you.” 

“Why are you in such a rush to die?” Poe snarled just as Theia adjusted her hold on the wound and he bit back a groan. 

Theia paused for a moment, letting his question hang in the air. Of course, she didn’t want to die, right? No one willingly seeks out death like that, do they? 

“You promised me, Dameron.”

“Oh, so we’re back to Dameron now?”

“If you would have just listened to me-”

“I saw a way out of the situation that didn’t end with you dead on the tarmac.”

“Stupid-”

Poe’s roughened fingers suddenly grabbed her wrist and squeezed. “If I see a way to save my friends, I take it.” 

Friends. She had suspected it…but it was still nice to hear. 

“Still stupid.” 

They were quiet for a moment longer as they waited for the other star ship to arrive. 

“You’re hurt too.” 

“I haven’t been shot.” She looked down to see that the wound was still seeping blood but it seemed to have started to clot. His earlier question still running through her mind as BB-8 started to fuse together a plate on R-9 who had managed to get out of the back of her starship. Both droids chirped, the past few minutes not deterring their happy moods in the slightest. “I have a lot of blood on my hands. I might not have had full control over my actions but I still did what I was told to do. I’ve killed more…than anyone in the Resistance. And almost everyone I’ve killed was working for the Resistance.” She paused and finally dragged her eyes up to Poe’s, finding the warm brown depths staring up at her without an ounce of anger or resentment. And the words kept tumbling out of her mouth. “And maybe I think the galaxy would be better if I wasn’t in it. I’m trying to claw my way back to a zero sum, balance out what I did with the First Order with what I’m doing for the Resistance. But I don’t think it’ll ever be enough. I will always have that stain on my palms and I think it’ll be…for the best if it was just…over quickly. Before I can do more to disrupt the balance the galaxy needs.” 

Poe tightened his grip on her wrists and shook his head. “Do you hate yourself that much?”

“I’m a killer, Poe. Of course I do.” 

The roar of the shuttle’s engine cut off Poe’s reply before he could even open his mouth. It landed quickly and a familiar medical droid and a handful of healers were running out the back hatch and toward them. 

“Get him first,” Theia murmured finally, sliding away from Poe, her legs screaming in protest. The awkward crouch she had kept herself in had done nothing but irritate. She watched a few of the healers carefully tend to Poe before they managed to get him to stand and walk him toward the shuttle, R-9 needed to be carried into the back of the shuttle and BB-8 followed them, beeping sporadically with questions. 

“Captain?” The soft voice shocked Theia and she found herself scrambling for her blaster before she realized it was a healer, a gentle look in her eyes. “Captain? Captain Dameron told us you’ve been injured.”

“Um, right. Yes.” 

The healer frowned and helped Theia to her feet—Theia had to bite her tongue to keep from crying out when her broken ribs shifted. She took a few steps toward the shuttle before groaning and shaking off the healer’s hand on her arm. Theia walked back toward her ruined starship and pressed the release for the ladder leading back into the cockpit. 

“Captain, what’re you doing? That ship isn’t flyable! You need medical attention!” 

Her ribs were screaming in protest and the broken orbital bone was finally making her eyesight blur but Theia hefted herself up and reached into the cockpit. In a few short moves she had pulled the navigation system out of the dash and then nearly fell back to the landing pad as she clutched the mass of technology to her chest. 

“We can’t…” Theia swallowed, her tongue leaden within her mouth, “move the ship. But now they can’t track it.” 

And then she collapsed.

**

General Organa was standing hear her bedside when she woke.

“General-”

Leia held up a hand and gently shook her head. “I’ve half the mind to just move your quarters to the medical wing with how much time you spend in here.” 

Theia didn’t laugh. And the general didn’t smile.

“Dameron told me what happened.” The older woman rubbed her temples. “I can’t have you going out on missions until you get this death-wish of yours under control. It could put the lives of the entire squadron at risk.”

Panic immediately seized Theia’s entire body. She sat bolt straight, despite the rush of pain that shot through her at the action. “General, please-”

“No, Theia. No.” Leia reached out and gently took Theia’s hand in her own and squeezed, a small smile on her face. “You need help. We’re just trying to help.” With another squeeze of her hand, Leia left her alone in the room. 

Something cold washed over her then. It settled in her stomach as she collapsed back against the pillows and stared up at the blank ceiling. That was all she had. Being a pilot was all she had. Finn was gone too much—he’d barely notice if she wasn’t around at all. 

Right?

She’d outlived her purpose for the Resistance. Surely they’d get rid of her now. No…that wasn’t how the Resistance worked, right? That was just an old thought from her time with the First Order…wasn’t it? She’d been good. She’d been good. She’d been good. 

Theia slowly slid off the bed, trying her hardest to ignore the shooting pain of her broken ribs and the continuing dull ache of her eye. She saw the stack of new clothes in the corner and managed to dress herself without crying out but left her feet bare after feeling woozy just by looking down at her toes. 

As soon as she stepped through the threshold of her room, a droid rolled up to her. 

“Captain, please return to your room.”

Theia curled her hands into fists at her sides. “No.”

“You are-”

“I’m leaving,” Theia practically snarled, shoving past the droid who squawked indignantly. 

“I’ll have to report this to the general,” it said in return. 

“Fine.” Theia attempted to square her shoulders as she continued down the hall but couldn’t and walked out of the medical wing and into the dimming light of the day without her head held high. A few people glanced her way but looked away, quickly carrying on with their own business, and Theia felt her heart slide up into her throat and lodge itself there. She couldn’t pull in a breath—and she knew she wouldn’t be able to even if her ribs hadn’t been broken. 

One foot in front of another, she tried to make her way toward her barracks.


	9. Chapter 9

Theia wasn't entirely sure if she should laugh or scream. Neither response actually seemed appropriate so she just continued to stare at the batch of new recruits staring back at her. Some were older than her, a few actually starting to grey at the temples, and others looked just old enough to be legally be considered adults. Maybe. They were nervous, Theia could tell by the way their eyes darted around the base and how their weight shifted foot to foot. Others were wringing their hands. A few more had the look Theia had seen too many times both on the side of the First Order and the Resistance; tired anger. They wanted to fight—something had been taken from them. But the galaxy’s war had beaten them down. 

This was now her duty. She was in charge of telling all of the new recruits about how the First Order operated. 

_“Knowing our enemy is just as important as knowing ourselves,”_ General Organa said when she finally found Theia in her room.

It had taken a long conversation--which Finn was eventually added to when Leia called him in--and they pleaded and explained that she needed help. They wanted to help. Theia was still an asset to the Resistance but she just needed to help herself. 

She was ordered to go to therapy to sort through her "guilt" and "self-destructive tendencies" and "self-loathing." Sure. Easy.

Except Theia refused to actually walk across the base to the softly lit room where a healer was waiting to help. 

She simply took on her new responsibilities for training recruits with a little bit more of a smile because she knew that she was trusted. At least, on the surface. (And Jessika had reminded her that she needed to smile more.)

Theia was kept company by another handful of “teachers” for the Resistance. They were all tasked with trying to find places for the new recruits and weeding out those who weren’t actually a good fit. How the base operated, expectations, regulations, etcetera etcetera. It was all part of the curriculum before a few were selected for the positions and then would be sent out to shadow others in the field until they’d be cleared for active duty. 

It was boring, if Theia was being honest. She had gone through three rounds of recruits before this and listening to herself drone on about the First Order and their battle tactics never got any easier or pleasant.

And listening to the hum of X-Wing engines coming and going always felt like a punch to the gut.

It had only been a few weeks since the incident on Rishi but it had felt like an eternity.

The base was continuously in motion. There had been a rumor that the planets and systems once loyal to the New Republic were rebuilding. Their base was hidden and secret now—if the rumors proved true—as they were afraid of another attack from the First Order. 

And then there were new rumors about yet another attempt by the First Order to construct a newer base. These rumors, however, were backed by a wave of attacks on planets whispered to be loyal to the Republic and/or the Resistance. Assassinations had been taken out. Political strife was running rampant throughout the galaxy and the small respite the Resistance had felt only a few short months ago had quickly dried up. And the investigation into who could’ve set up the trap for Poe and Theia had stalled—no new leads were coming up and everyone they had suspected had been ruled out. Or they were very, very good at hiding themselves in plain sight. 

The orientation lasted through the day, breaking only for meals. Theia's "lesson" was last, and it was usually the time that the recruits started to show their true colors. Theia was blunt and to the point when it came to explaining how the First Order operated. "They will outnumber you." And had no qualms about telling the recruits anything. "They are brutal and efficient." Telling the assembled people what to expect, in the plainest terms possible, was easy. "Taking another life is a mission and it means nothing." 

The class was quickly ushered into the empty hangar and the first projection soon lit up the ceiling.

The recruits largely stared at her, eyes wide and a little shell-shocked. Silence was a frequent companion after she finished her spiel. (It was not until she was asked to speak to the newly-joined group of pilots that they finally started asking questions. These recruits made Theia feel at least a little bit more normal instead of a show to be gawked at. They wanted to know to prepare for and survive a firefight against stormpilots, how to navigate around the largely-standard shots from destroyers. Theia could provide them with graphs and charts and help them see how maneuvers could be used to save their ship and their squadron.)

“That’ll be all for today,” Theia said, hearing the usual base chatter grow louder as more and more people left their posts to convene in the cantina for dinner. 

The recruits shuffled out, some seeming to be a little more confident while others looked a little bit unsure. They’d find they’re place. They always do. 

Theia rolled her shoulders a few times before bidding a goodnight to her fellow instructors and stepping out into the fading sunlight. The sky was dyeing itself a pastel orange as grey clouds rolled across the horizon. She wasn’t hungry, at least not enough to want to be in anyone’s company. Meandering toward the landing tarmac, Theia rubbed the back of her neck as her eyes subconsciously flitted over to the small rock structure where the therapist was housed. Her sessions should’ve started weeks ago. But she couldn’t go. Couldn’t deal with the soft gaze and murmured words which surely masked some sort calculation to be used to make her into a puppet. No. No. The Resistance wasn’t like that. 

That wasn’t her life anymore. 

But she still couldn’t face it. 

Instead, Theia settled down on a rock and watched the starships come and go, their humming engines soothing her buzzing mind. She watched them until the sun snuffed out and she could only make out their shape when the guiding landing lights hit their shining, metal bellies. 

“Connix told me you’d be out here,” a familiar voice said, startling her out of her reverie. 

She turned to see Poe walking toward her, emerging from the shadows like a phantom. The urge to leave washed over her but she fought it, instead turning back to watch the starships land. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest and she tried not to think of the last conversation she’d had with Poe. 

_“This is your fault!” She yelled, arms flapping wildly, uncaring of the sting of unhealed ribs._

_“My fault?”_

_“Yes! You had to tell General Organa and now I’m grounded. They won’t let me near any starship, let alone an X-Wing. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to fly again and it is all your fault!”_

_“Theia-”_

_“No! You don’t get to say anything. You took everything—the only thing—that I had away from me. I’m useless, Poe. You’ve made me useless.”_

_“I’m trying to help you, Theia!” He took a step forward, his arm still in a sling. His hair was ruffled, like he’d been pulling at it._

_“I don’t want your help!” Theia bellowed._

_Poe froze, big brown eyes widening. “I…”_

_“Leave.” Theia pointed to the door of her small room. “Get out.”_

_“Theia-”_

_“I said to leave!”_

That had been weeks ago. Poe had cornered her in her home and the silence he had left behind when the door shut behind him had been deafening. It had left her with a dull ache within her chest she couldn’t explain.

“What’re you doing out here?” She asked without looking at him. A starship’s landing once again filled the air with a humming screech, ringing her ears and muffling his slow steps toward her. 

“Believe it or not, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

Poe hefted himself up onto the rock beside her and tilted his head back to watch the sky with her. “Because you’re my friend. And you’re hurting.”

“My ribs are fine. So is my eye.” 

Poe huffed—or was it a laugh? “You can hurt in more ways than just physical, Theia.” He shook his head. 

“Are we still friends?” Theia asked, her voice soft but guarded. She hated how weak she sounded. How vulnerable. 

“Of course we are. We just had a fight. I would’ve come sooner but the General’s been having me out almost every day. And I wanted to make sure you were okay, you know, from a distance before I approached you.” When Theia remained silent, Poe continued. “I can tell you’re still hurting, like I said before. But I just…didn’t want to stay away anymore. I miss you.” 

Theia’s chin fell to her chest as the annoying prick of tears pushed at her eyes. “I miss you too.”

And soon she was enveloped in a familiar, welcoming warmth as Poe wrapped his arms around her, hauling her a little closer on their rocky perch underneath the stars. “I never wanted to hurt you, you know,” he whispered into her hair. “I just worry. I worry about you and Finn all the time. You were…so reckless and I want to keep you around for as long as I can. I don’t want to imagine a galaxy without you. I was just trying to help.” 

“I don’t want help.” Her words are a little muffled as Theia turned to basically smash her face into Poe’s shoulder, as if that would help stem the embarrassment she felt and make up for all the soft touches she missed when she wasn’t talking to him.

“But you need help. I need you to stick around for me.” He paused. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Theia.” 

“You’d be fine,” was her automatic response. 

Poe nudged her shoulder, making her sit upright again and his hands curled around her shoulders, making her look up at him as the stars twinkled behind his head. “No. No, I wouldn’t. You’re not some replaceable cog in the machine, Theia. You…” he shook his head, biting his tongue for a moment as Theia looked up at him, “are my friend. When your call came through the comm, that there were more of them, and then it cut out…I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to find you dead on the landing pad because I was too late and you were too stubborn.”

“They didn’t want to kill me there. They were going to take me back to the First Order-”

Poe’s grip tightened on her shoulders. “You’re missing the point! I’m trying to tell you that don’t know what I would do if you’d die! You mean so much to me and I-”

Theia wasn’t quite sure when she had wrestled herself out of Poe’s grip but she found herself flinging her arms around his neck and pulling him close. Her cheek nuzzled against his pulse point, she could feel it rage against her skin. “I’ll try and be better.”

His arms circled her and pulled her tight, almost impossibly close. “Promise?”

She nearly choked on the word. “Promise.”

**

The next week, instead of being summoned to the usual place she held her “lectures” for the recruits, her comm beeped and told her that she should come to the main tarmac immediately. It had been from Kaydel. She had also promised that it would be fun and exciting.

Theia admired her friend’s tenacity and perseverance for trying to get her to “participate in the camaraderie of the base” over and over again but Theia surmised that this would be another occasion in which she would stay for exactly five minutes, attempt to smile and not grimace, and then sneak away as soon as Kaydel and Jessika were distracted. (The last instance of this involved a bonfire a few of the lieutenants started in celebration from a victory in a minor skirmish with the First Order three days ago. Theia threw her cup of alcohol into the bonfire at the right moment so everyone was entranced with the suddenly higher flames and she managed to get to bed without anyone noticing.) 

Theia half-heartedly smoothed her fiery hair and pulled on her usual attire before stepping out into the sunlight, blinking against the brightness, and made her way toward the tarmac. She could hear the murmur of the crowd before she could see it. It was as if the entire base had assembled as the familiar Millennium Falcon landed. 

That was right…Finn and Chewie had been called out two nights ago. From what Theia could glean from Finn’s jumbled transmission, he and Chewie were being assigned to “pick up” someone important. Theia had just assumed it was another senator or something who wanted to see how to help the Resistance. 

But she had underestimated just how important these new arrivals were. 

The hatch to the Falcon opened just as Theia leaned against one of the hangars, the cool metal doing little to settle the strange churning in her stomach. 

Something was going to change. She could feel it. 

For a moment, she wished she could find Jessika or Kaydel. They’d let her know what was going on. Or Poe…Poe would probably want to keep the surprise but he’d at least be the anchor she needed. 

“Have courage,” she mumbled to herself as the churning in her stomach continued to grow and she wondered if she’d actually become sick before the guests disembarked from the starship. 

Chewie stepped out first. The wookie was quickly followed by a man draped in tawny robes and a bushy grey beard. Finn followed, clasped hand-in-hand with a stunning brunette woman, similarly draped in robes. It took a moment for Theia to realize that the woman beside Finn was Rey—the strange interrogator she had encountered after crash landing back on D’Qar. 

Finn waved to a few people, his smile beaming, before he spotted Theia. Immediately, he grabbed Rey’s hand and rushed through the crowd toward her half-hearted hiding spot and wrapped Theia in a tight, one-armed hug as soon as he reached her. 

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he said before tugging Rey forward. 

Rey, for the most part, looked as uncomfortable as Theia felt. 

“Theia, this is Rey. She’s told me you’ve met but it wasn’t…the best so we are starting over!” He laughed. “My two favorite ladies.” 

Theia rolled her shoulders, not willing to see that smile dim even a fraction, and held out a hand toward Rey. “It’s…good to see you again. Finn’s told me a lot about you.” 

Rey smiled a thin, tight-lipped smile but took Theia’s hand and shook it tightly twice before letting go. “Likewise.” 

Chewie roared behind them and Finn sighed, detaching his hand from Rey’s. “I have to go debrief with General Organa about a few issues we ran into when we picked these two up. I’ll be right back. You two talk. Then we can get lunch. Okay?” Before either of them could actually respond to his question, he was sprinting toward the wookie and disappearing in the crowd. 

Theia looked at Rey.

Rey looked at Theia. 

“So, um, what trouble did you get up to on the way here?” Theia tried to smile but she was sure that it looked like a wince. 

“I’ve been told to say it is classified.” 

Theia pulled her lips into her mouth and nodded. “Right. That makes sense.” Silence. “Um, would…would you like a tour around the base? Finn would hate if you got lost while you’re here.” 

Rey stared at her for a moment, her hazel eyes unreadable, and then nodded again. 

Theia felt a bit of tension ease from her shoulders as she led the Jedi—that was what Finn called her, wasn’t it?—around the base. It was purely a tour. No anecdotal references, no stories about this or that. It was simply, “that is the cantina. Meal times are at five, noon, and five.” and “that’s the command station.” or “on your left is the mechanic shop for the droids.” 

They eventually slowed to a stop near the command station after looping back. The pair of women stared at each other for a moment before looking away but eventually their eyes found each other’s again. 

“We…are bad at this,” Rey said, her shoulders slumping a bit.

“Bad at what?” 

“Conversation.” 

Theia felt the smallest of smiles creep up her lips. “No…no, we’re terrible, aren’t we?” They laughed. “Talking outside of mission parameters is still a bit hard for me.”

“Spending most of your life actively avoiding people doesn’t exactly lend itself to being friendly.” They smiled a bit. “But we have Finn.” 

Theia chuckled and nodded. “We do. I don’t really know how he does it. He could talk to a rock and make friends. He talks enough for the both of us, I never really needed to contribute much. But he…always understood that.” She sighed. “He even likes my jokes. Most people think I’m being serious.”

“His jokes are so bad,” Rey laughed, her chin tilting up toward the sky for a moment. 

Theia almost wanted to groan at how beautiful Rey looked in the sunlight. She was shining and Theia knew it was cliché to admit it, but the glow seemed to grow when Finn was the topic. It was then that Theia decided she actually liked Rey. Perhaps this was worth an effort. “You really…you love him, don’t you?” 

Rey looked at her now, her lips pulled into a line before slowly curling into a smile, pink dusting her cheeks. “I do. I don’t think I was given a choice in the matter.” She sighed. “He’s saved my life. Came for me when I thought I was…alone, again.”

Theia let the smile grow on her face. “I like the way you talk about him.” She paused. “He talks about you that way too.” 

“What way?” 

“Like…um, like you’re made of starlight.” Heat took over Theia’s own cheeks at the sound of her own analogy and hoped it hadn’t made Rey uncomfortable. 

“I think he is actually made of starlight,” Rey said as she smiled before shaking her head. “I…uh…want to thank you for keeping him safe. He’s told me a lot about you. What you’ve done for him is-”

Theia waved a hand, trying to hastily change the topic of conversation. “Is as easy as breathing. I wouldn’t know how to do anything different now.” She straightened her shoulders. “I heard you were the one to take down Kylo Ren back on Starkiller.” 

And that was how the conversation diverged. They talked about how Finn may or may not have led them into adventures they’d rather not have gone on but, nonetheless, let shape their lives. Theia led her back to the cantina to grab a bit of food as they both found a come topic of the merits of having an ION drive on scout vessels. 

“I just think that if they were outfitted with a system like that, it would make operations much easier. We’ve been losing scouts left and right on missions and I think it’s because the ships are too slow.” Theia shoveled another bite of the creamy dessert she had found into her mouth. 

Rey nodded as she stabbed at her salad. “But, the ION drive does create a very distinct sound. They could probably hear the scout before they see it.” 

“But the First Order uses that drive too. It wouldn’t be out of place for them to hear it. They’d probably think it was one of their own. Anyway, we don’t just scout potential secret hideouts of First Order bases. We’re all over the galaxy. We just need to make sure we have a clean get away.” 

Rey opened her mouth to retort but it quickly shut when Finn appeared at their table, immediately swiping a spoonful of Theia’s dessert. “I was looking all over the place for you two! Pava told me she saw you two on a tour of the base. What were you talking about?” 

Rey paused and looked at Theia, arching a single, dark eyebrow. A slow smirk slid across her lips and Theia found herself mimicking the expression. “How you have caused every single bit of trouble in our lives and we are immensely grateful.” 

Finn’s mouth dropped for a moment before cracking up. 

Yes, Theia liked Rey.

**

Theia sighed and looked down at her hands. Scarred and pink and dry. She squinted up toward the sky, watching the sun hide behind milky clouds for a moment or two before reappearing.

A beep at her side caught her attention. BB-8 had rolled up toward her, softly beeping and chirping. 

“I’m okay, BB-8,” she said, answering the droid's question. “I just don’t like crowds.” (The ‘welcoming party’ from yesterday had lasted well into the night and seemed to have started up again in the morning when several more starships—from various different systems—arrived on the tarmac. Each one of them bearing new people, each of them draped in the strange robes seen on Skywalker and Rey. More Jedi, Theia supposed. Rey had quickly filled her in on the Jedi and how they’d been hidden away since Kylo Ren went on his rampage over a decade ago.)

The droid settled itself at her side and let out a contented beep as his scanner looked up at the sky. 

“Yeah, it’s a good day.” 

The pair sat in silence for a little bit, the wind ruffling the tall, tawny grass around them. 

“How’s R-9?” She asked. The BB unit answered, happily reporting that her droid was making progress and the mechanics should be done with their work soon. A full recovery. “Oh, that’s good.” A sigh heaved through her. “I hope they find someone who appreciates them a little more than I did.” 

BB-8 beeped again, a little indignant. 

“I’m just saying that I’m not the nicest. Anyway, I’m grounded, remember? Flightless pilots don’t get droids.” 

BB-8 rolled into her arm, nudging her a bit, letting out a series of tittering beeps and hums. 

“Have you been talking to Poe? You’re both terrible at pep-talks, you know.” She laughed and poked at the droid’s projection lens. “You can tell him that, by the way.”  
BB-8 beeped again and Theia sighed. “Yes, I am going to therapy. Did Poe sent you to spy on me?” 

The droid denied it. 

“It sucks by the way—tell Poe that, too.” And it did. It had only been a week since her talk with Poe had propelled to actually going to her therapy sessions and while Finn seemed to think it was working, Theia continued to have her doubts. Which she voiced. Loudly. And repeatedly to the exasperation of her therapist. 

But maybe it was working. Maybe. She’d give it the benefit of the doubt because possibly talking things out was helping her understand that the galaxy doesn’t keep score, doesn’t hold a ledger of someone’s past discretions. Especially those committed by someone in her position, in Finn’s position. 

_“You didn’t have a choice. It isn’t your fault.”_

_“Finn had the same choice-”_

_“No, he didn’t. Any you know why? Because he had you.”_

And it was all said in dulcet tones that either made her want to nap or to pull her hair out. And there was no in between, unfortunately. 

It was a slow process, she assumed. But General Organa seemed pleased with her progress. At least, that was what Theia could glean from the older woman’s knowing looks when they had a quick moment in the command center when Theia was told to brief the commanders about the incoming recruits. (She also took these meetings as opportunities to inquire about the investigation into possible double agents—most importantly, the ones who set her and Poe up on Rishii weeks ago. So far, it was mostly silence.) 

The conversation with BB continued for a few more minutes before the droid was called away. She waved the droid off with a smile and watched it disappear in the tall grass surrounding her hiding spot. The smile quickly faded, however, as she once again looked to the sky. Something was going to happen. She could feel it. And it wasn’t good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me. (Except for the two people who told me I "took too long.") And, you should all know that I probably would have had even more trouble updating/writing/existing on this website without the guidance of TheIrishCowgirl who gave me plot lines and encouraged me. She is a godsend and if you all see her comments, please tell her thank you. Her plotlines helped me move forward. And YES, I have incorporated them into my story.


	10. Chapter 10

Theia wasn’t entirely sure how she got herself into this situation but she was sure that she didn’t want to leave. Kaydel and Jessika had both bombarded her at the ends of their shifts and had basically dragged her back to her quarters, each laden with a bottle of some sort of gleaming alcohol and a mischievous smile. They loudly declared something called a “girls’ night” before manhandling her away from the buzzing crowds of the base. 

The conversation had started off innocent enough; talking about the new recruits and if they’d make it for the long run or not. This evolved into something else when Kaydel confessed she thought one of the new mechanics was cute. 

“He obviously knows what to do with his hands,” she had said with a wink. 

“Man, it has been too long for me. Too long,” Jessika said before groaning and dramatically throwing herself onto Theia’s bed. “I miss it, you know. I miss being held by someone. Being touched. Seriously, I’d love for someone just kiss me. I used to love being kissed.” 

Kaydel laughed. “I really just want to be pounded into the mattress.” 

Jessika lost it at that, giggling until she snorted and rolling onto her stomach so she could look at Theia who had perched herself on the window sill, nearly hugging the bottle of alcohol to her chest as she watched her friends laugh. 

“I know we’re busy saving the galaxy,” Kaydel said, “but sometimes it’s nice to have that…companionship, isn’t it? When was the last time you let someone rile you up?” 

Theia stared at her friends. The longer she was quiet, the more perturbed her friends became. Kaydel shuffled closer and Jessika sat up, her eyebrows furrowed. “I know what happens,” Theia said, pursing her lips for a moment, thinking that would be the best option. She didn’t want them to think she was infantile. 

“But have you felt it? Like, do you know what really makes you tick?” 

“Does everyone have a tick? I know that the peni-”

Jessika let out a noise similar to a squawk before blindly grabbing at Kaydel, nearly hitting her in the face, before grabbing her upper arm. “Are…are you a virgin?” 

Theia frowned. “Yes. But-”

Jessika squinted at Kaydel who soon had a roaring blush across her freckled cheeks, quickly killing any of the words still on Theia’s tongue. 

“What?” Theia asked.

“Umm…” Jessika paused and tapped her pointer fingers together. “Do, uh, do you want us to tell you about it? What we like? Or do you not like that aspect of…relationships? And that is totally normal! Tons of people don’t like to even be touched. So, you know…” Jessika’s words faded as she started to wring her hands in her lap, clearly fidgeting. 

Theia looked at her friends, trying to discern their frowning faces and shifting eyes. Were they uncomfortable? Disappointed? “Only…only if you want to tell me.” 

Jessika and Kaydel looked at each other briefly, seemingly having a silent conversation, before looking back at Theia and they nodded in sync. Just once. 

“We’re going to need visual aids. And…snacks!” Jessika stood up and tapped her nose, thinking out loud. 

“And I want you to know that it’s okay to laugh, okay? I laughed a lot when I was taught this.” Kaydel said as she reached over to gently clasp Theia’s shoulder.

“When were you taught about this?” Theia asked, wincing a bit. She knew she’d always be a bit behind, a bit awkward around “normal society” because of her non-traditional (to put it lightly) upbringing. But this just seemed like a completely different level. 

Jessika managed to get her hands on Theia’s holo-projector and had diagrams of human male and female anatomy displayed twelve feet high and four feet wide across one of Theia’s walls. (“We’ll cover other species’ dangly bits next time,” Jessika promised. “And same-gender trysts too. I think we should cover all the bases.”)

And that was how they spent the rest of the afternoon. Surrounded by packets of snacks and quickly emptying liquor bottles, explaining where the erogenous zones were on the male and female forms and how to exploit them. 

(“The clit is your friend. If someone is ignoring it, tell them to touch you. It is completely normal to not cum from penetration alone.”)

That lesson bled into the next: foreplay. 

(“I like when a guy eats me out,” Kaydel said with a shrug. “If a guy can make me cum with his tongue, I’m happy.”) 

And then the discussion of the best positions quickly took precedence. 

(“I like to be held, you know, slow and steady,” Jessika said as she pointed to slide of a couple holding each other close, one of the woman’s legs slung over the man’s as he had his tongue lathing at the woman’s chest. 

“And, I,” Kaydel said as she clicked through a few more position slides in rapid succession, “like to be roughed up a little bit.” She settled on a slide where the man was kneeling behind the woman, one hand on her throat and the other in her hair. “It’s whatever works for you. It’ll take some time to figure that out. The first time is never perfect and you should experiment to figure out what’s best for you.”)

As darkness reigned over the base, Theia’s mind was officially swimming with the new information, aided by the copious amounts of alcohol she had imbibed. 

Kaydel and Jessika had both let her with parting words about consent. “Don’t let anyone push you into something you don’t want to do, okay?”

“You are your own person. Telling someone ‘no’ is more than okay.” 

Kaydel had pressed a sloppy kiss to Theia’s cheek before being hauled away by a decidedly-less drunk (but still very, very drunk) Jessika and into the night air. 

Theia managed to find a bottle of water in her nearly microscopic personal ice cupboard and quickly downed it before crawling onto her bed. Her limbs were too leaden to even attempt to pull the blankets over her prone form or to remove her shoes. 

Images of the positions lowly swam through her mind as her eyelids grew heavier. Warmth pooled into her stomach as she remembered them—especially the one where the man had pinned the woman to the wall, one of her legs hooked around his hips. Theia shuddered and let her eyes close.

**

“Captain? Theia? Are you with us?”

Theia snapped back into reality, feeling a blush stain her cheeks, and looked at General Organa. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry.” She’d rather gnaw off her own hand than admit she had been daydreaming about those slides her friends gave her. 

“And what is your report?” 

“The new recruits are ambitious but they’ll need discipline. Except for Dalami—she could go out in the field in an hour and be fine. She’ll be a perfect addition to the intelligence group you have down on Bespin.” 

Leia looked at her, a single eyebrow arching as if she could actually read Theia’s mind, before a small smile crept across her lips. “I’ll be sure to let Commander Kanmer know that she has a new recruit with a glowing recommendation.”

Theia nodded once, keeping her eyes low and focused on the glowing command table below her. 

The room suddenly roared with life. Screens and projections were instantly glowing with new footage. 

Kaydel rushed into the commander center, thrusting a communicator at Leia. “It’s the Black Squadron.” 

At that, the rest of Kaydel’s sentence drowned out by a harsh ringing in Theia’s ears as she turned toward one of the screens. The Black Squadron—Poe’s squadron, her squadron—was locked in a battle with a group of TIE fighters. 

They should be fine. 

They should have been fine.

They should’ve been okay.

But they weren’t. Theia watched, her heart thundering in her chest, as one of the X-Wings was shot down. And then another, in a blaze of blaster shots. 

Theia shouldered her way closer as the ground crew captured more the air battle, focusing on the one TIE fighter who seemed to be always one move ahead of the Resistance’s X-Wings. She saw the unique code on the side of the TIE and felt her jaw clench. She knew that ship. She knew that pilot. He had taught her everything she knew about piloting a TIE Fighter. Taught her how to be ruthless. Taught her how to be the best. He was equal parts the best and the worst thing to happen to her in the First Order. He made her almost indispensable. He also made her innately aware of how easily replaceable she actually was. She knew all of his tricks. But he knew all of hers. After all, he had trained her. 

_“TH!” His voice hissed. That was the thing about him—he never raised his voice. Never got a decibel about a low murmur. But it was impossible to ignore him._

_“Yes, sir,” TH said, quickly spinning on her heel to face him, subconsciously tightening the grip she had on her welder she’d been using to fix a leaking valve on his TIE._

_She suddenly found herself pressed against the cold metal of the TIE and his hand around her throat. Her head throbbed from the sudden impact but TH knew better than to try to pry his hand away from her throat._

_“Why have I just been informed that you disobeyed a direct order from Hux?”_

_TH pulled in a stuttering breath, trying to forcibly will her heartbeat to slow. She knew exactly what her superior was talking about; Hux had ordered all TIE trainees out on a run._

_She had heard the redhead call it a ‘trial by fire’ when he told them all to escort a supply ship to the base. Hux had been all of their ears, telling them not to break rank under any circumstance. But TH saw an opening and took it. She took down all three of the opposing ships in a series of quick, unnervingly executed moves which left most of the trainees alive. “I-I just thought protecting the battalion was important.”_

_“You need to follow orders,” he snarled, pressing harder on her windpipe before stepping back. Just for a moment. Before he reared back and knocked TH to the cold ground of the hangar with a closed fist. “That little Lieutenant Hux wanted to see you in his office.” He crouched down beside her, his dark eyes boring into hers and rooting her to the spot. “He looked all giddy about it too. That little brat seems to like the thought of you begging for your life.” He reached out and let a finger trail across the quickly-forming bruise on his trainee’s cheek. “But you’re all mine for now, aren’t you?”_

Theia spun on her heel, moving through the assembled crowd without a care of the affronted noises when she shoved them out of her way or stepped on their feet. 

“Captain!” Someone, seemingly in the distance, called out. She wasn’t quite sure if they were talking to her anyway. Sure, she had retained her formal title of Captain around the base for reason she couldn’t seem to understand or fathom, but surely they were talking to someone else. “Captain!”

The bright sunlight should’ve warmed her skin the moment she was above ground but all she could feel was a chill in her bones as she sprinted toward the familiar hangar. 

“Captain!” A mechanic called out at her sudden appearance. 

Theia rushed into the hangar and pulled one of the spare jumpsuits off the rack and hurriedly pulled it on before grabbing her familiar helmet. 

“What’re you doing?” The mechanic asked, panic rising in his tone. 

“Where did the Black Squadron go?” She asked as she buckled the helmet on and adjusted the comm-link frequency. 

“T-to…why do you need to know?”

“TELL ME RIGHT NOW!”

“They went to G-Gorse. Just outside the capital.” The words sounded like they had been pulled forcefully from his throat. 

Theia nodded once before hauling herself into the cockpit and firing up the engines. She barely noticed as a familiar droid easily allowed itself to be hauled into the back, once again ready for action.

“X-Wing, what is your clearance?” The guard’s voice crackled into her ear as Theia pushed the starship up toward the fluffy clouds in the sky. 

She didn’t answer. All she did was punch in the coordinates for the planet and engaged lightspeed. Theia watched the stars shoot across the panes of her cockpit. The starship groaned with how fast she had been pushing it. Her thumb swiped across the steering handles as if that would calm the machine. Suddenly, light burst through as she approached the capital. Smoke was billowing through the bright blue sky as she was quickly pulled from light speed. The first sight to greet her was one of her fellow X-Wings being shot down. 

Flames quickly engulfed the ship. Ground troops—from both sides—battled around the fiery wreckage.

"Theia?!" A voice crackled through the comm lines. "What the hell are you doing here?" It was Poe and he did not sound happy. "Go back!"

"I can help!" She retorted, trying not to bristle as she quickly armed her ship's blasters. It had been easy to spot her former trainer as he bobbed and weaved through the mass of remaining X-Wings of the Black Squadron. 

Her X-Wing soon jostled as the front end was struck with a blaster shot, and the rant Poe was in the middle of was cut off, leaving her listening to crackling static. The ship teetered in the air for a moment before Theia was able to right herself and she quickly turned, finding her target with ease. 

But he was too fast--he always had been. He'd always be faster than her. He dodged and she could almost feel him gloating and smirking through the cockpit. 

She banked quickly to the left as he quickly made a run at her. Theia barely avoided the red shot aimed at her. She managed to avoid another shot by the Pilot by turning on a pin, letting her ship spin wing-over-wing as she managed to evade his target-lock by weaving between another X-Wing and the TIE Fighter which was trailing behind it. 

_He stood behind her, a looming shadow she couldn’t escape. A man was restrained at TH’s feet, sniveling and begging for mercy through busted and bloodied lips._

_“Please-”_

_“You blew up the command center of one our bases and then led us on a chase through four systems. How can you think that we would ever let you live?”_

_“They stole my family from me—my life—”_

_“And you stole our supplies. And, wouldn’t you know it, I think that leaves us a little uneven.” He chuckled, it sounded unnatural. “Now, you’re in for a treat. You see, my little trainee has yet to actually kill someone outside of her starship. You’re going to help her get over that pesky little hurdle.” He silently pulled her blaster from her holster and wrapped her fingers around handle, making sure to press her forefinger toward the trigger._

_“P-please,” the restrained man started again, tears gathering in his eyes. One was nearly swollen shut. “You’re so young. You are…were my daughter’s age. Don’t make them do this to you.”_

_“Finish it,” He said without a hint of emotion in his voice as he leaned in toward her ear._

_“Don’t let them make you a killer. You have a choice.”_

_“Finish it.”_

_“Please. Don’t do this.”_

_“Finish it.”_

_“Please.”_

_“Finish it.”_

_The red light of the blaster bolt would be forever ingrained into her mind. Along with the man’s lifeless eyes as he sagged onto the floor near her boots._

She needed reinforcements. As her starship soared through the air, Theia quickly tried to re calibrate her communications lines. She needed to reach someone—anyone. 

"Can anyone hear me?!" She barely recognized the sound of her own frantic voice, fraught with worry and nerves.

The smoke coming from the side of her ship didn't provide her with any comfort. But she still knew this pilot's tricks. She knew to quickly dive down toward the ground as he would have snuck around to her rear to shoot out her engines. Theia watched the bright red shots fly over her ship before she remembered to pull UP before crashing into the rocky terrain below. Theia slammed her fist into her dashboard, feeling frustrated tears start to prick at her eyes as the shots she just dodged being clipped by Snap's ship. 

"CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! I know how to take him down! I need help!"

"Theia?" 

The breath rushed out of her in a wave at the sound of the familiar voice. "Jessika! I-I-I need you to do exactly as I tell you, okay?" 

"Of course!" 

"I'm going to distract him. Whatever you do, do not ever let him see you. Remember what I told you about the TIE Fighter's blind spots?" Theia readjusted her grip on the steering and quickly took out the engines of another TIE fighter who had been gunning for the ground crew. “And using distractions to keep the upper hand?” 

"Um, yeah-"

"He's going to come at me from the right. I'm not going to move. Stay in his blind spot. When I tell you, shoot his left wing." 

"Theia-"

"You have to trust me." 

Theia looked out to see Jessika's familiar X-Wing nearing her point just as Theia flew into position, making it seem as if she was making a run toward the First Order's troops on the ground. She heard the starship’s blaster going off before she saw the tell-tale red streaks of light nearly hitting her engines and right wing. She dodged as well as she could without making him revert to another flight pattern, letting him keep his focus on her and not on Jessika—she just needed to buy a few more seconds. Just a few more. 

The X-Wing jolted as one of the blaster shots found its mark, right above her right wing and it burned a hole through the metal, probably nicking one of the coolant tanks as her heat gauges were now rapidly rising. 

But the plan was working. 

“Do it! Do it now!” Theia screamed through the comm lines, hoping they were still intact after the blast.

Theia let her X-Wing start to fall toward the sandy beach, watching the ground come faster and faster before she heard Jessika’s blaster go off. The sound of the bolts hitting their mark was her cue—Theia managed to pull her X-Wing up before she hit the ground and banked sharply to the right before finding his ship in her sights and unloading all she could into his already damaged-wing. 

Theia knew it would make his power fail, lose balance, and take out at least one of the blasters—but he returned fire, effectively clipping Theia’s wings as well as a barrage of bolts slammed into the nose of her ship. The fall to the ground was thankfully short but she had been sent into a tailspin, sliding into the sand like a rancor. 

When the small sandstorm finally cleared, all she could do was look up. Theia watched the TIE fighter waver in the air for a moment—as if it were trying to stay airborne on sheer will—before it swiftly banked to the left and fell toward the edge of the sandy beach. 

Jessika’s elated voice was just a hum in her ear as Theia watched the sand and water explode around the shining black metal of the famed starship. 

She needed to see it go up in flames. 

She needed to make sure he was gone. 

That this was finally over. 

That Poe was safe. 

But the hatch opened. 

Before could even think—she hauled herself out of the X-Wing, her blaster firmly in her grip. 

_Finish it. Finish it. Finish it._

The wet sand sunk and shifted beneath her boots as she sprinted toward the wreckage, uncaring about the battle waging around her. He crawled out of the broken hatch and slumped against the sand. His black helmet was discarded. Blood was running down his face. 

But he still smiled when he looked and saw her stalking in his direction. 

“Ah, my runaway trainee. Come to act like the hero?” He smirked, blood coating his teeth as she continued toward him. “You know you’ll never be one of them, don’t you? I shaped you. I created you. I made you a monster—just like me. And that’s what you’ll always be-”

Theia watched his body slump into the sand as her blaster smoked with the fresh bolt. She didn’t hear it fire. Barely remembered even pulling the trigger. The world had gone silent for a moment as she watched the small waves from the oceans start to soak his dark uniform. His face was in the sand but she could clearly see the exit wound from her blaster bolt. 

Noise came back with a roar. The screeching of the retreating TIE Fighters, the drumming hums of the X-Wings. The victorious shouting from the ground troops. 

The crashing of the waves. 

The slow beat of her heart. 

Theia was nearly knocked to the ground when Jessika leapt at her, wrapping her arms and legs around her. A familiar, happy laugh rung in her ears. “We did it!” Jessika said. “We did it!”

Theia wrapped shaking arms around her friend and squeezed, letting herself revel in the soft warmth Jessika exuded. 

As Jessika continued to chatter away, eventually releasing her death grip on her fellow captain, Theia looked over her shoulder and saw Poe. He was staring at her, dark eyes unreadable, before he shook his head and walked away.

**

The debrief about the mission was quick. After being halfheartedly reprimanded by General Organa who then reinstated her status as a pilot, Theia was left to take part in the revelry currently enveloping the base.

(It had been revealed that Madx—one of the senior officers in the Resistance—had been feeding the First Order information and it had been discovered when his personal communicator had been left unlocked in the command center and his messages to General Hux about the Black Squadron’s battle plan had been found.) 

It seemed like they finally had the edge they edge they were looking for. And the base was thrumming with excitement. Fires were blazing. Alcohol and food were plentiful. Smiles were plastered on nearly everyone’s face. 

Theia knew she should be happy. She should be taking part of the festivities. But her former trainer’s words were still ringing in her ears. Monster. 

Theia tried to shake her thoughts away as she clutched her bottle of whatever-it-was a little tighter. She had been told that talking with someone would help—“keeping things inside for too long can be harmful, Theia.” So, maybe she’d give that a try. 

Jessika was currently wrapped around someone. And Kaydel had disappeared almost an hour ago with a drunken wink and nearly spilt all of her beer as she waved. 

Finn had been filled with big smiles and laughs when she had landed, wrapping his strong arms around her in a nearly-suffocating hug before she was forcefully removed from his grip by Kaydel and dragged in front of the general. But he had left the party early, his arm wrapped around Rey’s shoulders. 

And Theia didn’t want to disturb them. There was no need to disrupt their happiness for her crisis of conscious—or whatever her therapist had called it. 

But then she spotted Poe, speaking with a group of other pilots from the Black Squadron. As if he felt the weight of her gaze, he turned and looked at her. She managed to smile and waved a bit with the bottle in her hand. 

The smile he’d had vanished as he excused himself from the group and quickly walked toward her. 

“Poe-”

His hand wrapped around her arm and he quickly pulled her toward his barrack, effectively stealing any of the words from her throat. It was silent between them. The door slid shut. 

“That was completely foolish!” Poe roared as he turned toward her, ripping his hand from her arm.

Theia blanched. “Poe-”

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed and for nothing!”

Anger suddenly boiled under her skin and Theia took a step forward, her fists balling at her sides. “Nothing? Do you call saving your life—the lives of your squadron nothing?”

“We had it handled!”

“I had to do it. I was the only one who knew his tricks. You know the squadron works better with me. I’ve been monitoring all of your missions—you need me!”

“You weren’t even supposed to be there!”

“You were all in trouble. Did you really think I could sit on my ass and twiddle my thumbs and watch you all get shot down while I could actually help you? Save people?” She threw her hands up in exasperation just as another thought—one she thought she had rid herself of—wiggled its way into her brain. “You didn’t want me there because you don’t trust me.” The words felt like sawdust on her tongue. Her throat had run dry. 

Poe’s eyes went wide. “No, Theia. It isn’t that-”

“Do you still not trust me? Is that it? You think I’m still convoluting with someone in the First Order?” 

“Theia, no-”

“I have done everything I could to show everyone, to show you that I was good.” Poe opened his mouth but Theia couldn’t stop the words pouring out of her mouth. “What else am I supposed to do, Dameron? Willingly let you put your blaster to my head and pull the trigger? Is that it? So you can have the satisfaction of knowing there’s one less perceived threat in the world?” Before Poe could react, Theia stepped up to him, grabbed the blaster from his side holster and his trigger hand before pressing the barrel of the blaster to the center of her forehead and forcing his hand around the handle. “Then do it. Do it, Dameron. Because I can’t do this anymore.” 

He attempted to pull the blaster back but her grip held firm. BB-8 beeped furiously but she couldn’t bring it in herself to calm the droid down. 

Tears started to prick at her eyes as she looked at him. “Was I ever good in your eyes?” She sniffed and closed her eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. She didn’t want to show any weakness when she met her end. Theia remembered how the First Order officers would carouse and revel in how their targets sniveled and cried in their last moments. She refused to be like that, to be a story to be laughed at. “Was everything just for show?” That was when her grip on him finally waivered and Poe was able to pull back, tossing the blaster into the corner of the room and BB-8 quickly rolled in front of it, standing guard. “Just tell me, Poe.” The syllable of his name broke in her throat. 

It was quiet in the room. Just for a moment. 

“I’m in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, giant thank-you to everyone who left kudos or comments. You are amazing. And again, again, again, a giant thank you to my guiding light TheIrishCowgrl for giving me plotlines and encouragement. xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides under a rock*

“What?” Theia asked, her mouth and throat suddenly drier than any desert the galaxy could produce. “You what?”

Poe raked a hand through his hair, roughly tugging at the curled ends as he screwed his eyes shut. “I…love you.” 

It was as if she was simultaneously made of rock and jelly. She wondered if she would sink to the ground or never move from this place. “I-I don’t understand.” 

“My world is filled with blasters and starships and espionage. It is constantly moving and screaming at me to keep up, to be louder, to be smarter. But…when I’m with you? It’s different. It’s almost like the entire galaxy stops when I look at you. Everything just slows down and sometimes all I see is you. You and that small smile you get when you even touch your X-Wing or when Pava or Connix finally get you to laugh at one of their jokes. When you think no one’s watching you and you just watch the droids running around the tarmac or the ground recruits attempting to learn drills in the west fields, you get this look on your face that no one gets to see. You’re at peace when no one is around you. And all I want to do is just…make sure you feel like that all the time.” 

Theia opened her mouth, trying to will words into her throat but nothing came out but a strangled breath. 

Poe shook his head—just once. His gaze started at her feet before slowly sliding up and meeting hers. 

It felt as if her heart had grown and now thudded against the cage of her ribs. 

“When I started this, when I started following General Organa—it was all I knew. I was born and raised on bases like this. I knew what a blaster sounded like just as much as I knew my mother’s voice. I only had this.” He waved his hands around, indicating the base and sky. “But then you literally crashed in my life and all I want now is to make sure that I—that you…” Again, he shook his head. As if that would make the words tumbling out of his mouth start making sense to her. “All I could see was your X-Wing going down. It crashed and all I could think about was how I never told you what you mean to me. And then I saw you and all I could manage was anger. I-I’ve been told fear manifests itself in different ways. I thought that I knew how to handle fear. I’ve been on countless intelligence missions where I knew that I was truly alone and all I had were my wits and a half-full blaster and I was never angry or scared. I was held captive and tortured by the First Order-”

“I know,” Theia whispered, finally managing to speak as she looked at Poe. 

“And I remember thinking of how proud I was—I didn’t show any fear. I was calm. Even when Kylo Ren managed to poke around in my head and I thought I was going to die some slow, painful death. But then I saw you—and you weren’t even supposed to be there—I saw your ship get hit and then go down. I thought I saw you die. Saw you die without getting the change to say how I felt.” 

“And you…” Theia waved her hands between them, feeling the blood rush through her ears. 

“I want to make sure you are at peace and happy all the time. And if it takes lighting the galaxy on fire—I will. Because I love you.” 

Silence stretched in the small space. 

“Are you sure?” Theia asked, looking at him. 

“Am I sure of what?”

“That you love me.”

A smile started to creep its way across Poe’s lips. “Yes, of course I’m sure.” 

“But how did you know? What does it feel like?” 

He let out a breathless chuckle and took a small step toward her. “It isn’t something you can explain. You just…do. You just feel it.” Another step. 

“Oh.” Theia looked at him, feeling heat rise to her cheeks as she started to fiddle with her fingers. A strange sensation had taken residence in her stomach, reminding her of how it felt to barrel roll in her star ship. But better. Warmer. “So, you’re not mad at me?” 

“No. I was scared, Theia. I-I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry.” 

She nodded, pressing her palms together before swiping the sweaty skin against the material of her trousers. “So you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“And you know I’m a good pilot.” 

“Of course I do.”

“And you know I’m…good.” The last syllable was hushed. 

“Yes, of course you’re good. Everyone knows you’re good.” 

The stupid sensation of oncoming tears once again stung her eyes, blurring her view of Poe as he stepped closer. She sighed when his roughened hands gently held her face. His thumbs brushed away her tears. 

Theia reached up and curled her fingers around his, pressing his palm closer to her cheeks as she pulled in a shaky breath. She looked at him, really looked at him. His dark eyes were soft and there was something about them, about his soft gaze that made her poor heart do acrobatics in her chest. Was that was love looked like? 

Poe’s breath, tinged with the scent of alcohol, slid across her lips. Their foreheads pressed together and her eyes closed. 

Theia tried to press into her memory how this moment felt. How quiet. How soft. How right it felt. 

The first brush of his lips against hers was barely noticeable. But then it happened again and again. Each time a little more insistent, pressing firmer against her mouth as his fingers tangled easily into her hair and hers fell down his chest and tugged at the end of his jacket. She needed him closer. There wasn’t a reason why—she didn’t know why. Just closer. Now.

Her hands slipped from his jacket around to his back, pressing her palms flat against him and reveling in the warmth he exuded. 

Poe coaxed her mouth open with ease and Theia let him guide her through it. She loved it. She loved how easily she trusted him, how easily, she adapted to this new experience. Her fingers rucked up the back of his shirt, needing him closer, needing to feel his skin on hers. 

His jacket came off first. 

Quickly followed by the top of her jumpsuit. 

His lips found a spot beneath her ear that sent a shock through her system and Theia found herself leaning her head back to allow him better access so she could feel more—more of his lips, more of these sensations—more of him. 

Her back hitting the bed brought her back to the present. She wasn’t sure when she had lost her shoes and socks or top and trousers (or when BB-8 had rolled out of the room to give them a bit of privacy) but Poe was equally as bare as he leaned above her. His thighs bracketed hers as their lips melded again. 

Her skin felt like it was on fire. Like sparks were flying from his fingertips and leaving a blaze in their wake. 

Poe’s teeth scraped against her collarbone as his hands slid to her back to the tie of her chest bindings. But then he pulled back. His pupils were blown and nearly over took the soft brown of his eyes. “Is this okay?” He asked even though his voice was low and gravelly. 

Theia could only nod before she tugged him back down, her hands pushing down his last remaining piece of clothing. 

Jessika and Kaydel’s lessons had only crossed her mind briefly at the beginning and now all she could manage to think was Poe. Poe. Poe. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Poe dragged her panties down her legs as his lips continued to work against hers. Poe’s deft fingers slid across her skin, dipping into her wet heat with ease as she gasped into his mouth. He drew fast circles around her clit as his mouth moved to her neck, sucking her pulse-point between his teeth. 

Strange tingles were shooting up her spine as his talented fingers continued their assault but it soon grew triple-fold as the pads of his fingers slid down, collecting her juices, before circling her entrance once, twice, three times before plunging in. 

Her mouth shot open. Shaking hands tried to find purchase in his hair, in the cotton sheets beneath her, the taut skin of his back—anything. “Oh, please, please…” She didn’t know what she was begging for—but she needed it.

Poe’s fingers moved almost inhumanely fast within her as he pressed open-mouthed kisses down her throat and chest before encircling one of her nipples. His free hand soon joined the assault on her senses and encompassed her other breast, grabbing a handful and pulling another throaty moan from between her kiss-swollen lips. Poe trailed kisses down her abdomen until he licked a broad stripe up from his fingers up to her clit. Kitten licks were pressed to her clit as he hands traveled south and grabbed handfuls of her ass and anchored her to his mouth.

Something was coiling tighter and tighter in her lower abdomen and then suddenly—broke. Stars shattered behind her eyes and she vaguely recognized the sound of a scream before coming back to herself. 

Poe chuckled in her ear, pressing his body atop hers. When had he moved? 

“Didn’t take you for a loud one,” His voice was still low and his fingers were sticky as they trailed up and down her sides. 

“S-sorry.” 

“No.” Poe said before her kissed her, his hand tilting her chin up so he could easily press his tongue into her mouth. It tasted different. It tasted like her—didn’t it? “I liked it.” 

Theia found herself pulling him closer and aftershocks of pleasure continued to assault her system as his dick brushed against her abused clit. “Please,” she whispered. 

Poe pulled himself up and nudged her thighs apart before leaning over her with one arm. His hair was mussed, his plump lips were pink and bruised. He looked like he belonged in a painting, somewhere grand and beautiful. 

She reached up and pushed an errant curl away from his eyes and Poe turned his head just enough to press a slow kiss to her palm. Her fingers curled over his broad shoulders, slipping against his sweat-slicked skin. 

And then he moved. His other hand guided him toward her and he pushed. 

Something akin to a pinching sensation inside of her quickly faded to a dull ache as Poe began to move. He continued to lathe open-mouthed kisses across the skin of her neck and chest as his thrusts became more forceful. Theia was being moved steadily across the bed and she could only dig her fingers into his back. 

Breathy moans were growing into strangled moans. Again and again, he was hitting a spot inside of her that she didn’t know existed. The coil had returned, tighter and more glorious than before. 

“Oh, please, Poe,” She groaned into his neck, tasting the salt of his skin. Theia needed him closer, deeper—everywhere at once. Her hands pulled him closer as he fell to his elbows, arms shaking above her. 

“You gonna cum for me?” Poe asked before grabbing a handful of her hair and tugging. 

Theia’s answer was a low moan as sparks of a new sort of pleasure shot through her. 

Poe sat up and his hands grabbed her waist. Before Theia could ask what he was doing, he had lifted her half off the bed and was slamming his hips into hers. The thick hair at his base was scratching against her clit as her eyes rolled back into her head. 

And then it snapped. 

Theia let out a cry as her body convulsed. She felt something warm spread in her lower stomach as the last aftershocks of her orgasm—that’s what it was called, right?—left her system. 

Poe collapsed atop her and his arms slid beneath her sweat-slicked back and he held her close. Their labored breathing synced. He nuzzled his face into her neck. And all was quiet for the moment. 

He pressed a series of slow, soft kisses from her neck to her cheek before reaching her lips. Carefully, Poe pushed himself up and slipped out of her before sitting up. A gentle smile touched his pinked face as he stood up and retreated to his personal bathroom. 

Theia looked around his quarters as the door slid shut. The sheets had been pulled from the corner of the mattress and pillows had been scattered across the floor. Wet marks had saturated the bed. Theia blushed as she felt something puddling between her thighs. 

She felt…sore in strange places, nearly boneless, and almost deliriously happy. Biting her lip to stop a smile, Theia grabbed one of the pillows off the ground and set it behind her head. Her heart was still pounding in her chest and she wasn’t entirely sure if it was from exertion or from other strange emotion she had yet to set a name to. Theia halfheartedly pulled one of the sheets over her naked form and rolled onto her side just as the bathroom door slid back open. 

Poe stepped into the room, a new pair of sleep trousers were slung low across his hips and a damp cloth in his hand. His dark curls were still a mess. He smiled at her as he walked to the edge of the bed and sat himself down. With a wink, he yanked the sheet away from her, making Theia blink in surprise. 

Should she cover herself in this instance?

Carefully, Poe nudged her thighs apart and swiped the wet cloth against her skin and cleaned away the traces of their coupling away from her heated skin. Theia blushed, still unaccustomed to gentle touches and soft gazes. Despite the heated coupling they’d just shared, this felt a little more special. A little more sacred. Something to be protected. And she had no idea why. 

“Better?” Poe asked softly as he tossed the cloth into the corner of his room, uncaring of its trajectory. 

“Yes.” 

He leaned down beside her and pulled Theia close. He rolled her effortlessly so she was pressed to his chest, her ear just over his heart. There was a steady thump-thump-thump, a perfectly timed drumming, in tune with her own. Poe brushed a kiss against her hairline and she heard him hum happily as he reclined against the pillow. 

The sounds of the still-raging party filtered back into the room, largely muffled through the thick walls. 

His thumb rubbed slow circles into her skin as his breathing started to slow. 

Theia’s mind was still abuzz with bliss. She let her eyes close. 

“So that’s what it feels like…” 

Poe sat up, knocking Theia off his chest in his haste. “What?” 

Theia looked up at him, confusion swimming in her eyes. “What?” 

“What did you say?” 

Theia was quiet. Her lessons didn’t cover this. Post-sex topics of conversations wasn’t discussed. 

Poe’s dark eyes were wide as he looked down at her, propped up on an elbow. “Theia?” 

“I…I said, ‘so that’s what if feels like.’” 

“Have you—was that—what do you mean by that?” 

Again, Theia was quiet. Internally trying to grasp at straws and pieces of conversations she had overheard. What was she supposed to say? What was the correct response? What words would keep him in her arms for just a little longer? 

“Was that your first time?” He asked, his voice soft. 

She decided not to lie and Theia nodded. 

Poe winced and wiped his hand down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I-”

“I-I could’ve made this better for you. Made it special. I-”

Theia frowned. “Why?” 

“Because anyone’s first time should be special, shouldn’t it?” His eyes locked with hers and Theia frowned. 

“I don’t know. I’m just…I’m happy it was with you.” 

The smile that broke across Poe’s face nearly stopped her heart. He pressed a lingering kiss against her lips and stole her breath without an effort. “You sure?” 

“Yeah.” She reached up and let the pads of her fingers brush against his scruff-roughened cheek. “Yeah, I’m happy it was you.” 

Poe smiled again and settled back against the pillows and drew her close once more. “And you knew-”

“What was happening? Yeah.” Theia laughed. Was it always this easy to laugh with him? “Every trainee in the First Order is given basic education on the topic and the females are injected with a birth control every ten years.” 

Poe’s thick eyebrows knitted together. “Why? If fraternization is frowned upon, why would they need…?” His words trailed off as he looked over the woman in his arms who had found a sudden interest in his chest. 

“Sometimes the officers get bored or…antsy. That was the word one of them used when they pulled my gunner away from training a few years ago.” 

Poe gently rolled Theia onto her side and took her face in his hands, wordlessly making her lock eyes with him in the dim light of the room. “You know we’d never do that to you, right? I’d never…force you to do anything you wouldn’t want.” 

She nodded. “I know.” 

He pressed his lips to her forehead again and didn’t move for a few moments, just needing to feel the soft warmth she exuded. “I love you,” Poe whispered against her skin. 

“I-”

“And you don’t have to say it back. Not if you don’t feel the same right now. I can wait. I would wait forever for you. I’ll wait.” 

Theia looked at Poe. His dark eyes were bright with something pure and innocent and it made Theia’s heart clench in her chest. She wasn’t entirely sure if what she felt was love. 

She wasn’t sure of what she felt, at all. So, all she did was nod and press another kiss to his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to my beautiful TheIrishCowgirl for the plotlines and to everyone who left kudos and comments. You are beautiful and deserve a Poe of your own. Also, next chapter is the last chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

Time was a funny thing. It dragged when she was unhappy or when she was bored. And then it seemed to accelerate all on its own when she was happy or stressed. Time was slipping through her fingers at a strange—alarming—rate since she had heard Poe’s declaration of love. Their time together was filled with hushed words and soft kisses and not-so-soft touches which seemed to transcend time. Theia loved the ache he always seemed to leave behind. The lingering bruises in the shape of his fingers around her hips and thighs were other secret reminders she loved to press against when she was alone and Poe had been called away. 

It had been a handful of months since they had entered into this strange arrangement. Oh wait, that wasn’t the right word. Poe had called it a relationship. He promised to only love her and all he asked was that she only kissed him.

( _“And, I…would like if you only had sex with me too,” Poe muttered scratching the back of his neck. A touch of red tinged his cheeks._

 _It was quickly mirrored in Theia. “O-of course not. I only want to do that with you.”_ ) 

It had been happy. Theia was never sure she had ever been this happy. It felt different than when she was reunited with Finn or when she managed to get Rey away from her Jedi training to tinker on another bit of machinery or when Jessika and Kaydel wiggled their way onto her table in the cantina and talked her ear off about the goings-on of the base. 

This happy seemed to warm her very being. 

From her readings, sometimes romantic relationships make the heart beat faster and minds fog. But, with Poe, it seemed that everything just felt so ease, so at ease. So…something. 

Theia had never been very good with words or expressing how she was feeling. She didn’t need to be—TIE Pilots weren’t supposed to be talkative. It wasn’t natural for her like it was for Finn. But, maybe, she’d one day be able to figure it out. 

Theia laughed, the noise involuntarily escaping her as Poe’s lips grazed across her collarbone—a place he’d grown fond of marking ever since he had discovered how ticklish she was. “You’re going to make me late,” she murmured as her fingers trailed through his bed-mussed curls.

“Then I will report to the General for reprimand alongside you. I’ll tell her my excuse.”

“And what excuse is that?”

“That I was too busy my view of the stars and forgot the time.” 

“The stars?” Theia asked. 

“You have stars—whole galaxies in your eyes,” Poe murmured in return as looked at her. 

Theia felt herself blush before grabbing a pillow and hitting him in the head with it. “You are made of cheese.” 

Poe just laughed and let her roll him out of bed and get ready for the day, sneaking away from her barrack before the sun started to warm the grass. 

Theia watched him go from her window, watched him disappear between the stone buildings, and couldn’t stop the smile from cementing itself on her face. Yes, it felt like time was moving too quickly—but she wouldn’t trade it for all the stars in the galaxy. 

It was easy and beautiful. Stolen kisses and breathy giggles filled every spare moment when they weren’t out on a run or mission. But a few weeks later, half of the Black Squadron was being sent out on a scouting mission on the Outer Rim. Whispers of another First Order base had reached the Resistance and General Organa had wanted to see if the rumors were true.

Theia was pulling her jumpsuit on before she was suddenly tugged behind a shuttle and had to fight the urge to grab her blaster. Poe’s dark, warm eyes quickly calmed any sort of anxiety she had, and Theia let a smile slip onto her lips. 

“So, I was thinking,” Poe started, his own smile was nervous. “Was, um, you know when we went to Corellia and we had to meet with that informant? Was…was that your first kiss?” 

Theia cocked her head to the side, confused as to why he seemed so nervous. He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth and his brows were furrowed. His hands were clammy as they slipped down her arms to lightly grasp her hands. “Yes. It was.” 

Poe hung his head with a loud sigh. 

“What?” Theia asked quietly. She shuffled closer and knocked her knee against his in an attempt to grab his attention. “What’s wrong?” 

Poe looked up just enough to let their eyes meet. “I am not doing right by you.” 

“What do you mean?” Theia asked as a frown pulled her lips down. 

“I just seem to take without asking and you deserve better than that. You deserve…” He drifted off and shook his head. 

Theia chuckled, feeling her cheeks heat before she gently slid her fingers under his chin and lifted his head. “You already told me that you’d set the galaxy on fire if I asked you to. That tells me all I need to know. You have…you’ve given me a chance at normalcy, at happiness—things I never thought I’d feel. It might not be normal—but we’re not normal. We’re at war, Poe. I don’t even know what I’d do with flowers or dates.” 

“I could teach you, though.” Poe grasped at her hips and pulled her closer. 

Her smile grew. “I’d like that.” 

“I could show you this little place in Theed, on Naboo. The wine there will make your mind swim like it was dropped right in the ocean. And there is a little moon above Lah'mu. If you time it right…” He paused and gently brushed his nose against hers. “I don’t want to ruin the surprise.” 

“And it’ll be just us?”

“Just us and the stars,” Poe whispered before brushing his lips against hers in a feather light kiss. 

“It sounds perfect.” Theia hummed and stole another kiss before she heard the loud steps of another person approaching. Gently, she pushed him back, creating a respectable amount of space between their bodies. 

Poe let out a sigh but smiled and nodded. He knew how she was. Why she did this. 

( _“I…hope you’re not mad at me,” Theia said quietly, trying to avoid Poe’s soft, dark gaze._

_“I could never be mad at you. But, I have to ask; why can I not tell anyone? I want to shout it from the roof tops, to the stars, that I finally managed to get to hold you in my arms.”_

_“I know,” she responded, still hushed. “It’s just…I’ve had to share everything in my life. Nothing was mine and mine alone. I want this to be just mine. Just ours.” Theia paused. “Is that okay? At least for a little bit, until I’m ready to share this little bit with the rest of the galaxy.”_

_“Of course that’s okay. You know I’d wait for you.” There was a double meaning behind his words and they both knew it. She still hadn’t said she loved him back. But Poe never pushed her to do so—he just pressed those words against her skin, her lips, with a smile and expected nothing in return._

_Theia pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, feeling it tilt up in a small smile. “Thank you.”_ )

Jessika and Finn appeared from around the starship. “Are you two ready?” 

Poe and Theia nodded and Poe quickly pulled Jessika into a conversation about the flight out while walking toward their own X-Wings as Theia turned to Finn. 

Finn had been the one person Theia couldn’t keep this secret from. 

“You look happy,” Finn mused, fighting a smile. 

“I am.”

“Still?” 

“Still. Just like you’re still happy with Rey.” A punch to the shoulder only made Finn laugh. 

“Be careful today, okay? I still need you around.” 

Theia laughed and hugged Finn before he was called away. She watched his form disappear before finally zipping up her jumpsuit and fastening her helmet over her head. Hauling herself up into her X-Wing, Theia couldn’t help but smile. She couldn’t fight it. She was happy.

**

While the original parameters of the mission had been a bust, the squadron had encountered a large and mostly unguarded supply shuttle meant for the First Order—the large red emblem emblazoned on the side hadn’t been exactly subtle.

The ensuing battle hadn’t been long and had been a decisive victory for the Resistance which was happy to acquire a few new blasters and pallets of food. While there had been some inkling that it had been a setup, scans of the food and blasters came back negative for any sort of tracking devices or incendiary machinations. 

True to form and desperate for any sort of reprieve from the constant turmoil, the Resistance through another bonfire to celebrate (and the next day off for the squadron). Music was pulsing. Drinks were flowing. People danced and stole away to shadows as others laughed as loud as they could. 

Poe was currently trying to teach Theia the steps to a dance his parents taught him when he was a kid. BB-8 was beside them, projecting a small video of his parents performing the dance to help guide them through the steps. 

The steps themselves were easy, it seemed. However, the ability to let herself enjoy the dance or to “relax” escaped her. 

Poe laughed and took his hands to Theia’s hips and jostled her a bit. “Your posture is perfect but I need you to unclench a little bit.”

“But I got all the steps right.”

“You did! The steps are perfect. But you’re not really dancing. You’re just moving your feet.” 

“That is dancing.” 

“But you’re not enjoying it!” He laughed again. And the droid beeped in agreement. “Try one more time?”

And how could she say no to those eyes? 

Dancing led to stolen kisses when the crowds were distracted and kisses led to a hurried retreat back to his room. Clothes were discarded and skin was pressed against skin as lips met. Theia cried out as Poe entered her, dragging her nails down his back. His plush lips continued to mark her shoulders and chest. They moved in tandem. Chasing their highs, they both only lasted a few more minutes before erupting. 

Theia nestled her head into his sweat-slicked neck and breathed him in as he softened inside her. 

“I want to tell everyone,” she whispered. 

Poe leaned back and looked at her, dark eyes near sparkling. “Really?” 

She smiled. “Yeah.”

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips, followed by two more. “I’m so happy.” Gently, he brushed his nose against her, making her laugh. “But you know the rest of the squadron is going to give us a hard time.” 

“Really?” 

“I actually think Snap has a bet with a few of the officers about how long it would take for us to admit our feelings.” 

“No,” Theia said, slightly mortified. 

“ _Yes _,” Poe said, mocking her tone before pressing a kiss to her temple. “It seems we…or at least I am bad at hiding how I feel.”__

__Words were hushed and eventually faded into soft sighs as sleep finally consumed them._ _

__When Theia woke the next morning, she was alone. She sat up, clutching the blankets to her chest. Then, as if on cue, the door slid open and Poe stepped in, carrying two containers of some healthy-looking drink and a sporting a sheepish smile. He perched himself on the side of the bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he handed her one of the drinks._ _

__“Wanted to bring you breakfast but the cantina wasn’t opened yet. This was the best I could do.”_ _

__“It’s perfect,” Theia said before taking a sip._ _

__“And…I needed to butter you up before I told you something.”_ _

__Theia frowned._ _

__“I have to go to Alsakan, escort some senator to meet with the royal family.”_ _

__Theia frowned and set down her drink. Alsakan, the city-planet, had largely remained neutral in the conflict between the Resistance and the First Order. The planet’s position on the Perlemian Trade Route made it either a powerful ally or formidable enemy. As the tensions continued to mount, Theia supposed it would be a smart move on behalf of the Resistance to try to gain the royal family’s allegiance. Their armies were large and powerful in addition to their advantageous position and influence throughout the galaxy._ _

__“We were supposed to have today off.”_ _

__“You know how this goes.” He shook his head and set down his drink before fiddling with the blankets, avoiding her eyes._ _

__“When will you return?” She asked softly._ _

__“A week’s time, if all goes well.” He looked up at her and let a small smile touch his lips, tension sliding from his shoulders. Slowly, he slid closer to her, the warmth of his leg seeping through the blankets and into her skin._ _

__“Who is going with you?”_ _

__Poe knocked his nose against hers with a soft chuckle. “Just me, my stars. Need to keep a low profile.”_ _

__Theia blushed at the nickname. It had been new—slipping past his lips for the first time only a week prior after she lay boneless in his arms after another secret tryst. “Don’t get cocky now, Dameron. I need you to come back.”_ _

__“Would you miss me?” He chuckled again and brushed a kiss against her lips._ _

__“Hardly. I need you around to keep the rest of the squadron in line. They hardly listen to me.”_ _

__“Is that so?” Poe smirked before his fingers dug into her sides, pulling a shriek of a laugh from between her teeth. “You only keep me around to keep the others in line?” The tickling continued until she grasped his hands and pulled Poe down and atop her, pressing a kiss to his lips as they both continued to laugh. The laughter slowly faded but he didn’t pull away and she wouldn’t have let him if he had tried._ _

__“But you’ll come back to me?” Theia whispered softly._ _

__“I will always come back to you. You have to know that.”_ _

__The couple was quiet for a moment and Theia let her fingers trail across his cheek. “We will tell them when you get back.”_ _

__“Okay,” Poe said, turning his head just enough to brush his lips against her palm. “When I get back.” He smiled before pressing his lips against hers twice. He stood and dressed, shooting her occasional smiles over his shoulders, before slipping away._ _

____

**

Barely a handful of hours had passed since Poe’s departure before the base-wide alarms started their shrill shriek.

“Black Squadron!” General Organa’s voice rang out. Instructions were thrown out—telling them to fly immediately to the capital of Alsakan. The planet was under attack—seemingly from almost the entire force of the First Order. 

That was when all sounds rose and rose and rose until everything was a high-pitched ring in Theia’s ears. She barely remembered suiting up or leading the squadron out amongst the stars to the city-planet. Attack plans and flight patterns were shouted out in a haze, almost as if she reverted back to her TIE Fighter persona without a blink of an eye. Aim for the command shuttles. Remember her training exercises. Don’t falter. Engines are the easiest and best targets. Officers are dressed in black. 

Remember. Remember. Remember. 

Alsakan was in chaos by the time her starship breeched the atmosphere of the planet. Buildings were burning. Smoke was funneling up into the dark night sky and obstructed her view for a moment. 

“Where’s Dameron?” She asked after clicking on her communicator. 

“I haven’t seen him,” Snap grumbled through the connection. 

The others also admitted to not seeing him. He didn’t respond to his call sign. They couldn’t see his X-Wing. He just…wasn’t there. 

Something cold washed over her and Theia couldn’t shake it. She couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something terrible had happened to him. 

Snap gave an order—telling the rest of the squadron which positions to take and which marks to defend. 

And Theia blindly followed the orders and watched as the city-planet burn and rumble. 

The First Order had invaded the planet, overrunning it with troopers and TIE Fighters. She had only once seen the First Order act like this—when they had conquered Denon, a similar City-planet on the inner rim. They had called it a ‘training exercise.’ They had slaughtered hundreds of thousands for sport. 

And it seemed that their tactics hadn’t changed. 

Theia banked to the right, avoiding an incoming Assault Lander and then quickly took out their back left ion charger, followed by the front. The starship—the twenty-odd troopers within—wavered in the air for just a moment before falling and crashing into an already burning skyscraper. 

R-9 beeped in congratulations and that was when it dawned on her. 

She turned off her squadron-wide communicator channel before dialing into “R-9, BB-8 had a tracking system installed after that Jakku thing—right?”

The droid beeped. 

“Can you find them for me?” 

In a few short moments, as Theia continued to dodge and weave and fire through TIE Fighters and Shuttles alike, the glowing blue schematics of the surrounding city illuminated her cockpit. A single red dot pulsated before sliding through the city and stopping at a hangar. 

Theia’s mind raced and she looked up again to see the rest of the squadron doing well. They were now accompanied by almost the entire fleet of the Resistance. 

They had it handled. They didn’t need her…right?

She clicked on her squadron-wide channel again. “I think I found Poe.” 

“Go get him!” Snap yelled through the comm. 

That was that.

Theia felt her heart hiccup—from joy at being trusted or nervousness for leaving them alone, she didn’t know. Quickly, Theia followed R-9’s instructions and landed her X-Wing a few yards away from the hangar at the end of a dead-end street, hiding it as much as she could in an all-out invasion.

The streets of Alsakan were just as bad as the skies—overrun with carnage on both sides. 

She didn’t care for the burning wreckage around her or the heat that was seeping into her skin. 

“Poe!” Theia screamed out. But her voice was drowned out by the screech of TIE Fighters overhead and the answering hum of the remaining X-Wings. “Poe!” 

Theia dove to the ground, narrowly escaping the blaster bolt which had been aimed at her head. The grip she had on her own blaster tightened as she spun on her knees and fired two shots at the advancing trooper. Their armor cracked as they collapsed to the burning ground. It mattered little to her. All she could think of was getting to Poe. 

She didn’t care that the building was on fire.

It didn’t matter that she did not know if he was alive or not. 

She no longer cared if she made it out alive—as long as she saw him again. 

Theia shot over and over, clearing her way toward the hangar of advancing troopers and the handful of officers brave (or stupid) enough to try their hand at ground warfare.  
How much time had passed, she did not know. It all seemed to go too fast and too slow at the same time. 

The door of the hangar had been reduced to a burning hole of metal and wood. Theia ran through it, ignoring the noise of a leaking engine. Through the smoke and the raging flames, she saw the mangled, charred remains of Poe’s beloved X-Wing. 

And a figure lying beside it. 

“Poe!” She yelled, sprinting toward him. The smoke burned her eyes and throat. Theia cast her blaster aside as she knelt beside him. Carefully, she turned him over. A sob ripped its way through her throat as she looked at the burned skin across his beautiful face, marring the left half. His eyes were closed, his chest barely moving. Gently, she shook him, trying to wake him to no avail. Her heart clenched in her chest. “Come back to me, my stars.” He didn’t stir. 

BB-8 let out a broken beep but managed to roll to her side, coming out from his hiding spot from behind what was once a hull of a cargo ship. The white and orange markings were marred with their own fair share singes. Antennas were bent if not broken. 

Another explosion rocked the hangar and Theia pulled Poe’s body closer. She looked around, trying to find a quicker route out of the hangar but found none and steeled herself to make the long trek back out the original (and still-burning) door she had entered through. 

“Can you make it?” She asked, turning toward the droid. 

BB-8 beeped again. 

“Stay with me, okay?” 

The droid rolled to her side. A small solace.

Theia wasn’t entirely sure where she had summoned this strength from but didn’t question it as she stood and hauled Poe’s body over her shoulder, moving as quickly as she could toward the door. Dodging falling support beams, she nearly made it to the door just as the last starship suddenly exploded and knocked her to her knees.  
Poe didn’t make a noise and her eyes watered—she wasn’t sure if it was from the smoke or something else. 

BB rolled into her side, urging her to get back onto her feet. To fight. 

And she did. Slowly, with her knees knocking together and every muscle seemingly spasm-ing, she stood and pumped her legs as fast as she could back to her X-Wing. By sheer luck, they had managed to not be seen by any First Order troopers. Theia hid Poe behind the wreckage of a Command Shuttle hull that had fallen from the skies and crumbled part of a building near the end of the street and told BB-8 to stand guard. Theia then ran to her X-Wing and hauled herself up, grabbing her comm line and turned it onto the Resistance-wide frequency. 

“I need a medical evac immediately.” 

“Theia?” Kaydel’s voice rang out. 

“Captain Dameron needs medical evac. Right now,” Theia said, her voice surprisingly even for how bad her hands were shaking. “He’s unresponsive—un-unconscious and his X-Wing is completely inoperable. I…we just need evac right now.” 

“Location?” 

Theia looked to R-9 who beeped in response. 

“R-9 is transmitting it you now.” 

The handful of seconds where Kaydel didn’t respond felt like an eternity. “We’re coming. Stand by.” 

Then, as if on cue, a blaster bolt embedded itself into the side of her ship, right beside her head. 

Theia turned and saw a trooper quickly advancing. 

She fired.

He fell. 

And Theia felt nothing. Nothing except a coldness that was continuing to seep through her lungs and make time slip by slower and slower. She chanced a glance at where Poe and BB-8 were hidden. 

No movement. And she let her shoulders release the smallest bit of tension. 

Something crunched and she turned to see the familiar redhead general and three troopers blocking her only means of escape on foot.

Hux’s voice rang out, “you didn’t really think I’d let you walk away, did you?” He stepped closer and sneered. “You’ve had your fun. Now come back.” 

“No,” Theia bit out. “I’m never coming back.”

Hux’s sneer turned predatory. “I’ll drag you back myself. You know this.” 

“You can try.” Theia fired her blaster without warning and took out two of the troopers and only missing Hux because he used one of them as a shield. 

Theia scrambled backward in the confusion and managed to find cover behind the landing gear of her X-Wing. She couldn’t just take off and leave. Poe needed protection—or a diversion, whichever was necessary. Her blaster was running low if the charge light was any indication. She had always been a sharp shooter but she knew they’d dodge and Theia wasn’t entirely sure if she’d be able to make it back into her cockpit and be able to use her X-Wing’s blasters without being killed when her blaster was completely spent. 

“You can’t hide forever, TH!” Hux called out. 

Theia wanted to respond with something witty like she knew Poe would but nothing came to mind. All she could do was steady her breathing and try to think of a way to keep Poe hidden if she was captured to gunned down. 

The thought of never seeing Poe again made her heart feel like a leaden weight in her chest for a moment before she had to push that thought aside and focused on the task at hand. 

Kill everything. 

But her jumbled plan (or remnants of a plan) was soon blown away by the glorious sound of a Resistance-piloted shuttle. The large starship’s blasters were blazing, taking out the shuttle Hux arrived in and forcing him to retreat—to run for cover. 

Theia felt a tear track down her cheek as she watched the shuttle land. The hatch opened and the medical evac team was soon on the ground. In a bit of a haze, Theia led them to Poe and BB-8 and watched as they soon lifted off again.

He was safe.

**

The battle had been hard won. But the Resistance emerged victorious. The emergence of the Jedi—who had apparently been hidden throughout the galaxy for years—had definitely helped the Resistance but it was still a bloodbath. And Theia made Jessika, Snap, and the rest of the Black Squadron swear to not tell Poe that Theia managed to make the remnants of his X-Wing into a bomb which she then lobbed into another First Order Command Shuttle with the help of a few Jedi. There “force powers” or whatever they were called were interesting. Terrifying. But interesting.

But that wasn’t what he was currently focused on. BB-8 had rolled into her room just a few moments ago, happy to inform her that Poe was now in stable condition in the medical wing. It took a bit of prodding on the droid’s part—and R-9 soon joined the barrage of insistence—but Theia soon found herself walking the pristine halls of the medical wing. She paused for a moment in front of his door. Straightening her shoulders, she walked in. And there he was, unmoving and bandaged on the bed. Machines beeped and flashed around him. 

Her heart clenched.

“Poe?” She quietly asked. Theia couldn’t seem to get her voice to work. It shook with emotion she couldn’t place. Carefully, she stretched out a hand to let her fingers brush against the side of his face that wasn’t covered in bandages. She just needed to feel the warmth of his skin. Just needed to know that he was still there—even if he wasn’t there to speak to her. 

Theia heaved out a breath when the scruff of his unshaven face brushed against her fingers and his soft breaths bled onto her skin. She wasn’t entirely sure how much time she stood at his side but eventually the healers came back to check on him during their rounds, accompanied by General Organa, and Theia quietly excused herself, trying to quell the strange sensation starting to burn through her chest.

She leaned against the wall just outside his door and tried to will the burn away, to keep her heart from trying to leap from its confines of her ribs. But she couldn’t. It wouldn’t stop. 

“Theia?” Leia asked quietly as the younger woman slid down the wall to her butt.

“What is this?” Theia asked, her fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt over her heart. “Why does it feel like this?” 

Leia easily settled herself next to the pilot as a small smile touched at her lips. “I’m glad it’s him, you know.” 

“What are you talking about?” Theia bit out through tears, the ache in her chest only increasing with each thud of her heart. 

Leia patted her knee. “You needed an anchor. You were one of us but always on the fringes. I saw you on the edge. I wanted so badly to just wrap you up in my arms and pull you in and help you adjust. But you held everyone at arm’s length for the longest time. It wasn’t until Dameron managed to irritate you enough that you actually started to really, really be part of us.” The general paused. “But I always just thought he’d be one of your friends—like Connix or Pava. He is a persistent one, isn’t he?” Leia chuckled. 

Theia frowned and her grip on her shirt lessened just a fraction. “I…I don’t understand.” 

Leia gently wiped the tracks of tears away from Theia’s cheeks. “He’s wormed his way into your heart, hasn’t he? He has managed to gain your attention. He’s managed to make you befriend him—even if it was a bit begrudgingly at first.” 

“He…was persistent, I suppose.” Theia frowned, repeating the word General Organa had used. What did this have to do with anything? How could this even relate to the pain in her chest?

Leia just looked at her for a moment. There was no judgement or mocking in her gaze. Just kindness and understanding. “He loves you.” It wasn’t a question.

“He does,” Theia said with a small nod. Her heart thumped an extra beat when she thought about how Poe had whispered those words against her skin. He had never pressed her to say it back. He just said those words without promise of reciprocity. 

“And you love him.” Again, it was a simple statement of fact. 

“I…” Theia couldn’t find the words to express how she felt. Confusion had clouded everything, dried the words on her tongue.

Leia tilted her head to the side, her gentle smile growing. “It scares you, doesn’t it? How deeply you feel for him.” 

Theia deflated. “It…it does.”

“And he can make you furious and deliriously happy in a blink of an eye. He knows how to press all your buttons. And it’s almost like he hung all the stars in the sky—just for you.” Theia had never been very good with words. Most of her life she’d been trained to be silent. Words were a luxury, not a right. But the general had so easily described what she felt. “And, he’s become your anchor.”

“He doesn’t hold me down,” Theia said, her brows once again knitting together in confusion. 

“No, but he grounds you. He keeps you from getting to inside yourself. He helps you be you instead of the trooper you were conditioned to be.” 

Theia nodded. “But how do you know this?”

Leia laughed and shook her head. “Because I had it once. And I was too proud to fight for it when it got hard. And now I’ll never get the chance.” Leia looked at her. “Fight for him, Theia. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be loved and love.” The fearsome and petite general then quietly excused herself, letting Theia mull over her words in the quiet halls of the medical wing.

**

His skin healed. They were able to restore his sight without an issue. And Theia could’ve sword he looked like they had taken the stars and placed them in his eyes again with how they sparkled. It was only matched by his smile as he sat up in the bed, joking with the healer as the accompanying droid poked and prodded at him in a final examination to prove he was cleared. It had only been a few weeks since she’d found him on Alsakan and General Organa’s words had been swimming around in her head for almost the entire time. It was like she was in a fog, trying to figure out what she needed to do.

And then it came to her.

Theia leaned against the doorway, fighting the urge to gnaw on the skin of her thumb. He seemed so at peace, so happy in the moment. It would be a shame to ruin it.  
But then he saw her. His smile grew and her heart did a strange fluttering in her chest. 

“Theia,” he said, his tone breathy. 

“You’re okay,” she hummed, finally stepping into the room and shoving her hands into her pockets. 

“I am. And I hear you are to thank.” One of his still-bandaged hands beckoned her forward. 

“No, I just carried you in. They actually healed you.” Theia have a half-hearted shrug in the direction of the healer (who had suddenly found a greater interest in the charts in her hands). 

“They would have nothing to heal if you hadn’t brought me back.” 

Again, Theia shrugged. 

“Well,” the healer started, a new hint of color on her cheeks, “I think you’re good to go, Dameron. I’ll let General Organa know.” She and the droid shuffled past Theia with an encouraging smile and a soft beep.

Poe looked at her then. His smile was small but nevertheless still filled with the warmth and kindness she knew innately well. 

And then she stepped forward, her steps soft but not unsure. Theia reached out to him, happy to let their fingers tangle together as he pressed his hands into hers before she settled on the side of his cot. “How’re you feeling?” 

“I am told I will be able to fly my X-Wing within a month.” 

“Your X-Wing?” Theia mused, squeezing his fingers a bit tighter. “I hate to tell you but I don’t think you have an X-Wing left.” 

Poe laughed. “I suppose I’ll borrow yours, then, until mine is rebuilt.” 

They continued like that, for a few minutes. Exchanging soft tones and teasing words before settling into an easy silence. 

Theia’s heart hiccupped as she let herself lock eyes with Poe. And then the words easily slid past her lips. “I love you.” 

Poe’s smile grew and grew and grew until Theia was sure it would split his face. “You love me?”

“I do. I love you,” whispered Theia, nudging closer to him on the bed. 

“Say it again,” Poe said before disentangling his fingers from hers so he could let them cradle her face. 

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you, Poe Dameron.” 

“And I love you.”

**

Only a few hours had passed since Poe’s discharge from the medical bay before news came of the discovery of Supreme Leader Snoke’s secret base.

General Organa had summoned both of them to the command center and told them of the plan. The Resistance only had one shot at this. A barrage of Resistance starships were provide a distraction on a lesser First Order base. And they were sending the best and brightest right into the thick of it—Korriban. The supposed homeland of the Sith. 

Two newcomers were heading the push toward Snoke while Poe and Theia were to lead the aerial combat and provide cover and distraction. One of the newcomers, apparently, had stolen Poe’s heart for a few months before Theia’s crash landing on D’Qar. Theia wasn’t entirely sure if she should be concerned—the way the woman was looking at the other newcomer reminded Theia of how Poe looked at her. Jealousy or concern really hadn’t started to eek its way into Theia’s mind at all.

And the other newcomer? Theia should’ve recognized him before his shuttle (which had somehow managed to get onto the planet without being shot down) even entered Tanaab’s atmosphere. She should’ve felt his cold, void-like presence before the First Order starship hissed as the hatch opened and Kylo Ren walked out. 

There had been a slight tussle. Theia had sucker-punched him and quickly tied him up, confused as to how and why she was able to do so. These questions were later answered when she retrieved General Organa (she was his mom, who knew? Not Theia.) and the ensuing argument quickly filled in all the blanks. 

Theia decided not to ask any questions. The confusing family dynamic was enough to make her head hurt.* 

She pushed out a long breath and looked at herself in the mirror. The familiar confines of her First Order TIE Fighter uniform were not a welcome picture. Apparently the Resistance had managed to mend it after her crash landing back on D’Qar. She didn’t like the memories the stupid bits of fabric brought. Then Poe stepped up beside her, dressed in an officer’s uniform. The pointed hat was tucked under his arm. 

“You look weird.” 

Poe laughed. “That’s what every man wants to hear.” He pressed a kiss just below her ear, making a shiver slide down her spine. “It’s just for a little bit anyway. When this is over, we can throw these,” he plucked at the shoulder seam of her jumpsuit, “into the bonfire.” 

Theia smiled. “I like the sound of that.” 

Poe pressed another kiss to her neck and then straightened. “C’mon. Time to go.”

The tarmac was abuzz with equal parts excitement and dread. This could finally finish it. Put an end to the chaos that had engulfed the galaxy and cost so many so much. 

But it could also tip the balance in the direction of the First Order. 

The Resistance was putting basically their entire force behind this attack. Nerves had made her insides a jumbled mess as she pulled her old helmet from under her arm and pulled it on. It felt almost too tight, almost suffocating. And she couldn’t understand why. She took it off and resisted the urge to throw it across the tarmac. 

“Theia!” 

She turned to see Finn, with the sun shining behind him like some ethereal being, at the mouth of the hangar. He was also dressed in an officer’s uniform, draped in black fabric.

Finn instantly engulfed her in a hug as she ran toward him, holding her close and tight for a few moments before stepping back just enough to press their foreheads together. “Look at us now.” 

“You’re a hero,” Theia laughed softly. Finn was being sent out with the first round of ground troops, out of Theia and Poe’s purview and protection. He was help leading the charge and Theia couldn’t be more proud of him or more scared for him.

“You are too.” 

Theia let the word ‘hero’ mull about in her brain before willing it away. She could never be a hero. Not like Finn. “Perhaps.” 

“You gave me courage when I had none. Let me give some to you.” 

Theia laughed again and stood back, allowing herself to press Finn’s shining, happy face into her mind. Her dearest friend and closest confidante. 

He had found happiness. And she wished he would be able to keep it. 

“You have always had courage, Finn. Courage enough for the both of us, you know.”

“I just needed you there to help me see it.” Finn pulled her close again and pressed his lips to her forehead. “And you’ll always be there for me, won’t you?” 

Theia felt herself smile despite the ache in her heart. She couldn’t be sure if she’d always be there. To give him courage or otherwise. “I will try to be.”

Finn laughed and squeezed her one last time. “Always the pessimist.” 

“Only one of us can be made of starlight.” 

Finn threw back his head and laughed. “Starlight?”

“The sun is too harsh. You are soft like starlight.” 

Finn’s laughter ceased. “Theia? Are you-”

“You know I love you, right? You are my brother. My only family.” 

“Of course. Of course I know that. And you’re my sister.” 

Theia nodded sniffling as she felt the annoying prick of tears starting to grow behind her eyelids. “Good. I just…wanted to remind you of that.”

“And I love you, too.” 

“Good.” Theia grabbed his hand and squeezed before quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek. “So, we must be brave together.” 

“And apart,” Finn murmured. “Have courage, Theia.” 

Someone called him and he smiled again before slowly slipping out of her grip. In a bit of a haze, she watched the starships carrying the ground troops away, disappearing into the dying light of the day. 

Poe stepped up to her side, his steps quiet. “Time to go,” he murmured, taking her hand in his and pressing a brief kiss to her fingers. 

Theia nodded and let Poe lead her to the command starship they were in charge of. Jessika and Snap saluted them from their X-Wings as they walked past—Theia wasn’t sure if they were being serious or not. 

Soon, they were cleared for takeoff and she and Poe piloted in sync and in silence as another battalion of ground troops quietly talked in the back and prepped their weapons and shields. 

Theia looked at Poe, ignoring how the stars were shooting past their ship just for a moment. She didn’t know what this battle held or if they would survive it. They would fight. Together. And if they died, possibly, they’d do that together, too. 

She reached over and grabbed his hand. Squeezing it just once before bringing it up to her lips and pressing a kiss to his fingers just as he had done a few hours ago. 

“Are you ready?” Poe asked quietly. 

“For anything.” 

They both turned toward the front shield and kept their hands clasped.

**

Theia’s mouth had been coated with blood. Teeth felt loose in her mouth.

But she, nonetheless, tightened her grip on her blaster and took aim. 

She wasn’t entirely sure how, but Hux had managed to get her separated from the rest of her small battalion and into a narrow, dark hallway of the main building. Her comm unit had been knocked out of her ear by a lucky Trooper at the beginning of the insurgence. 

Lights flickered. Distant sounds of separate battles were barely registering to her ears. Debris from the falling ceiling and walls kept her from getting a clear shot but provided cover. 

Hux was staring at her, his own blaster in hand. He dodged the bolt Theia leveled at his head and then wiped his chin clear of the rivulet of blood that had escaped his mouth. 

“I could’ve sworn you were a better shot,” he sneered, peering out from behind the large rock he hid behind. “You shouldn’t have abandoned your training.” 

“Don’t you remember? I finished my training top of my class.” Theia needed to keep him talking. He had never been very good at talking and walking—Finn had once made the joke that was why he was so good at speeches. He didn’t need to move. 

She picked up a rock and lobbed it down the hallway toward him, having it skitter across the ground like rushed footsteps. 

Hux fired near the sound and that’s when Theia took her own. She sprang to her feet and fired a shot toward the heavily styled red hair, only missing by a fraction of an inch.  
The pair continued to trade shots, each dodging behind the nearest hunk of rock. 

Theia was slowly making her way toward him, each shot and dodge was another handful of steps toward him. 

“You know,” Hux sneered, “I always wanted to keep you to myself. You were the only one with fire in you during training.” He fired another shot and Theia was able to slide behind another section of wall. “I wanted to snuff that fire out. Wanted to watch you beg and plead me to stop. Wanted you to then beg me not to stop because I was your favorite. That you knew I was the only who could make you feel like that.” He laughed. It echoed as it rang down the hallway like some faceless phantom. 

The words he was speaking were sending an unpleasant shiver down her spine and she checked her blaster, making sure she’d have enough to make it the rest of the way down the hall and silence him forever. 

“You were supposed to be my little plaything—my whore. Snoke even promised that I’d be able to claim you after Hosnian Prime but then you escaped. My prized whore slipped through my fingers.” 

Theia wasn’t entirely sure when the red started to cloud her vision but it completely overtook her with Hux’s next words; “and I heard that someone beat me to getting in between your legs. I’ve been told it was that pilot—Dameron. Maybe I’ll let him live so we can compare notes on how good you taste.” 

Theia ran at him, knowing exactly where he was when he let out a laugh. 

She leaned down and rammed her shoulder right into his stomach. His blaster clattered to the ground before he hit the floor. Theia jammed the butt of her blaster right into his face and heard a satisfying crack of his teeth crumbling beneath his skin. 

Before she could get another swing in, Hux had wrapped a hand around her throat and knocked her blaster out of her hand. With a buck of his hips, he had her on the ground and was smirking above her, blood coating his teeth as his thighs bracketed her own.

“This is where you belong,” he seethed and a bit of bloody spittle landed on her cheek as Theia’s fingers clawed at his grip around her throat. “Beneath me. Now say ‘please.’ Beg me to let you up!” His grip tightened.

The blood was roaring through her ears now, the red haze that had once clouded her vision was now being replaced by black spots growing larger by the moment. She turned her head to side and spied her blaster. Desperately, she shot out a hand to try and reach it. Her fingertips slid across the end. 

Hux laughed again and let his fingers uncurl for a moment. “This’ll be fun.” 

Theia attempted to pull in a lungful of air but was cut off as he once again cut off her air supply. 

Her vision was growing dark. Her hands were blindly sliding across the floor, trying to find something, anything that could help. She knew that if she were to lose consciousness, it would be over for her. 

Over.

“Say ‘please’,” he repeated. 

Something cold and jagged brushed against her palm. Theia curled her bloodied fingers around it and swung as hard as she could toward Hux’s face. It connected. 

The grunt of pain he let out was beautiful and she reveled in it as his fingers lost their grip on her throat as he tried to stem the bleeding from his now-destroyed eye. 

Theia shoved him off before scrambling over his writhing form. She was light-headed from the sudden onslaught of oxygen—or maybe it was the adrenaline. 

She raised the rock again. “Say please.” 

Again and again she brought it down on his head. 

Hux’s screams dissolved to whimpers and then to silence. 

She still didn’t stop. 

Arms suddenly wrapped around her waist and hauled her up. Theia moved without thinking, turning and trying to bludgeon whoever was holding her. 

“Get off me!” Theia yelled as she swung. 

“Hey!” Poe yelled as he dropped his grip on her, throwing up his arms to block the blow. “It’s me, Theia! It’s me!” 

Theia lost her footing, falling back to the ground with a crumpled ‘thud’ as stars danced behind her eyes. 

“Hey,” Poe said again, softer, with his hands outstretched in front of him as he took a step closer. “Theia?” 

Her vision cleared but her headache didn’t. It felt as if she had swallowed a mouthful of sand and glass. “Poe?”

Poe pulled her up without a sound, his eyes blown and hands clammy. “You with me?” 

“Yeah,” Theia said, letting her forehead rest against his. “Yeah, I’m with you.” 

Poe pressed a kiss to her hairline before once again touching his forehead against hers. “Let’s get out of here.” He helped her toward the remaining command shuttle, his arm around her waist and lips constantly brushing against her temple. 

Neither of them seemed to care about the large crowd of victorious Resistance fighters also milling about, hurrying onto the other ships. It was just them. 

As the shuttle rumbled to life and they settled into their seats, Theia let herself slump against Poe. She let his warmth calm her, settle her still rapidly beating heart. “I love you,” Theia said, curling closer to him. 

“I love you too,” Poe whispered as they watched Snoke’s temple collapse.

**

Theia looked out at the troops and felt a small bit of warmth start to bloom in her chest. Some were pilots from the Resistance, still wanting and yearning to protect the peace they had just achieved. Others were brand new, fresh out of training. And others still were from the small surviving group of pilots the New Republic had recruited before Hosnian Prime had been destroyed.

But they were all here now. 

She looked over at Finn who was basically emitting light with how wide of a smile was on his face. The shining general’s badge was emblazoned over his heart. And he seemed to puff out his chest a bit more whenever he wore his new uniform. 

Jessika was beside him, already sending out orders and assigning the new troops to their posts across the galaxy. Snap, too. Almost all of the Black Squadron had made it out of Korriban. 

Kaydel nudged Theia with a smile. “We look mighty impressive,” she said, tilting her head ever so slightly to the right so Theia would look at the giant projection of the new commanding officers of the New Republics rebuilt forces. Kaydel was one of the new lead officers and had polished her new Commander’s badge until it reflected the sun to near-blinding proportions. 

But then she caught sight of Poe—she had tried her hardest not to look at him during the rallying speech he and Finn gave. The need for professionalism and stoicism still remained facets of her public personality. 

He looked so regal. His hair was finally tame and his constant stubble had been shaved away, making the remnants of the burn scars all the more prominent. 

And he had never looked so handsome. 

The troops were soon dismissed, Theia having managed to keep quiet. Public speeches would never be in her repertoire. She watched the mass of people leave, a strange sense of pride filling her veins. 

It had been almost an entire year since the defeat of the First Order and the galaxy was still recovering. 

She was still recovering. 

Theia had lost count of how many times she’d woken up screaming, her throat raw, and had to sob out an apology to Poe who she inadvertently torn from sleep. 

“Never apologize for that,” he would murmur, every time. “Never apologize.” 

Oh, how she loved him. 

He also had is moments when the battles and missions would seep into his subconscious to wreak havoc. It usually manifested in bouts of silence and inability to sleep. Sometimes his hands would shake when he watched the new trainees go through simulation exercises. 

But they both pushed forward. Together. 

They would murmur soft comforts into each other’s skin and press their ‘I love you’s to the other’s lips. Soft reverence. 

Poe had taken her to Theed on her “first date” a few months ago and they both tried to make it a habit to sneak away from their responsibilities twice a month just so they could pretend to be normal. And he had been right, the view from Lah'mu was something she had to see for herself. 

It was a little hectic and crazy but it was theirs. She couldn’t believe how easy it had been to just be with Poe. It took her awhile but she started talking to Leia and to Jessika and Kaydel about it. Each of them said the same thing; “that’s how it is supposed to feel.” 

Poe’s fingers tangled with hers as they walked away from the podium and he pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“We’re off for two moons now—General’s orders,” Poe murmured against her skin. 

Theia chuckled. Leia had been insistent that her two favorite (a secret she didn’t hide very well) commanders needed more time off. And if they didn’t take it, there would be ‘consequences.’

“And what should we do? Hm?” 

“I was thinking…” Poe drifted off as he pulled her out of the harsh light of the two suns into a deserted corner of the cooled command building. “We would get married.” 

And that was how Theia found herself in a simple, cream colored dress a few nights later with Kaydel and Jessika fussing over her hair. 

Yavin IV was quiet and beautiful and so, so different from the city planet they now called home. The rest of the remaining Black Squadron had decorated the small ceremony area with twinkling lights and BB-8 and R-9 softly played music as Finn walked Theia toward Poe and Leia. 

The ceremony was brief and hushed. 

And when Leia pronounced them husband and wife, Theia felt her heart leap into her throat. 

He was her husband. Hers. Forever. 

She laughed as he made a show of dipping her before pressing a kiss to her lips. 

The small crowd cheered. 

She was his and he was hers. 

And they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. That was almost nine thousand words. And, with that...it is finished. Thank you all for sticking with me. I love you.  
> (*this was a scene from the Kylo/OC story I posted 'Fear' I just didn't want to regurgitate an entire scene which didn't really add anything to this story's plot.)


End file.
